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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

Judo :reluctance to carry on

15 replies

ohh · 27/08/2014 22:31

Darling Daughter has been doing judo at school since year 1 and has progressed to train with County level as has what appears to be a natural ability to do this martial art.
However she now whinges that she hates it every time she goes; like cannot be bothered as she is a bit inclined to be lazy; but compees really well once thre and is happy and not whingeing when goes home.

Hubby wants her to continue until she is 16, but she wants to stop now, she is 12.

Help! Half of me thinks no it would be such a waste as she has talent, the other poor thing she must really not like it even though good at it.

What would you do?

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Judo123 · 28/08/2014 05:30

Stop the Judo classes. There is no point making her do a sport she does not like.

When my eldest daughter (she is now 28 years old) was younger my ex-husband insisted that she do karate even though she grew to detest it.

She loved netball and he stopped her doing that due to getting a spelling mistake in her homework......

She is now a mother herself (to my two year old granddaughter) and she has never forgiven my ex-husband for making her continue a sport she hated and punished her by stopping her from doing netball.

Incidentally....the first time since childhood that she managed to play netball again was at the age of 27 last year when she got a baby sitter and joined a local group of women.

So please stop the Judo....you will end up scaring your daughter for life!!!!

TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle · 28/08/2014 05:35

I'm not sure that's fair... If she's enjoying it when she gets there then she doesn't hate it.

I wouldn't worry about the wasted talent OP. If she's not motivated to go to class and train hard then she'll never be more than a good amateur.

But what's more important is that she's keeping active. So I'd ask her if there's another sport she'd rather do... So that being active isn't optional but she can choose how she does it. You might find that the judo looks more attractive that way...

Judo123 · 28/08/2014 05:40

I agree with the idea of her keeping active...I just feel it is wrong to force her to be active in a sport that she is not motivated to attend willingly without being coerced.

I think it is good that she manages to enjoy it once she is there but wouldn't it be much better for if she was excited and self-motivated about an activity without having to be forced to go.

sixlive · 28/08/2014 05:41

No don't stop judo yet. This is the age where they often stop and most later regret it. Have you talked to the coaches? Is there something going on, problems with other kids? Maybe have a planned break and see if she misses it. Really work with the coaches, but if you could get her through the next year or so she may well thank you.

TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle · 28/08/2014 05:50

I agree totally Judo, it would be much better if she went willingly. I guess that's what the OP needs to work out... Is this an aversion to the judo itself or just laziness at the thought of physical activity?

Judo123 · 28/08/2014 06:00

I agree with TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle and disagree with sixlive's last posts.

I don't see any point in talking to coaches if the child is not interested. i do think it is good to check the reason she dislikes going just to be sure what the reason for the dislike.

However I do not think forcing a child to do something like Judo is a good thing if they are not naturally interested in going themselves.

Maybe the family need to find an activity that they can all do together such as hillwalking or swimming together that way the child can keep fit and may be more motivated to get involved.

ODearMe · 28/08/2014 06:43

I was in a similar position as your DD. I progressed very quickly in a martial art and by the age of 13 wanted to knock it on the head. My DF, who was also did the martial art, insisted I could give it up after I got my black belt.

I got my black belt at the age of 14 and gave it up after a couple year of years.

I cannot thank him enough for encouraging me to persist with it as it looks so good on my cv and even got me a job! (I did a presentation about my martial art in a second round interview). Nobody can take it away from me now I have it. I'm so pleased I carried on and so proud to say I am a bb.

GlaceDragonflies · 28/08/2014 06:51

Stop them, there is no point. I'd say finish whatever grading they are working on at the moment and then stop just so they complete what they have started but beyond that there is no point in continuing unless there is really good reason.
My eldest is currently training for something which will mean they easily get a summer job when at uni, especially because of where their chosen uni is. They have recently decided they don't like the training but have chosen to carry on to finish the current course so they will be qualified. That's when it is worth carrying on but often it isn't.

Toomuchjiggleinmywiggle · 28/08/2014 06:51

This is the age where judo really sees a drop off in participation. I'm outing myself a little here but I work in judo and we are currently doing some work to find out why and how to prevent it. We've found that this age is a huge transition- they've started high school, new friends who don't do the sport and maybe most importantly in your daughters situation their body is physically going through a huge change. Has she become more body conscious? Generally classes are make dominated once over 11 years old. Is she getting enough opportunity to train with girls her own age??

sixlive · 28/08/2014 14:20

Coaches have put in a huge effort they do deserve to be included. I have one DC that does a sport at a high level and it's the age that many drop out. Thing is in competitions you have a greater chance in winning as the number of competitors lessen. Often those that do well in the sport are not the best but those that keep going as lots quit.

Ferguson · 28/08/2014 19:34

When a child (particularly a girl) is twelve, all sorts of things are starting, surely, and a conflict over a voluntary activity could be rather damaging. There will be more important things for you all to disagree on as she gets older.

ohh · 01/09/2014 20:23

Thank you all for your input. I spoke to hear judo teacher (from school club) and he said that she is lazy and needs gentle pushing. Gets it a lot with girls. She always fights well and is pleased when she wins. I think it is more a case if it clashing with her social life! The classes are on Thursday and Friday evening. The county coach wants Sophie to compete in competitions. Thanks.

OP posts:

Toomuchjiggleinmywiggle · 02/09/2014 08:43

It's great she wants to compete. I'm sure the coach will but her in appropriate comps but please do ensure she isn't being entered in competitions where she is up against a lot older girls or in a weight group that she has to work at to stay in. There is no enjoyment in being bounced around the mat by more experienced players

ohh · 04/09/2014 19:14

Took her to Judo tonight and she was fine this time getting ready, and then whingeing in the car about the fact that she thought she could stop it when she went to Secondary School. I think it has come to a head now that as she said that she would rather break her leg than compete!

She said that she doesn't like getting hurt , I said none of us do; Judo is about protecting yourself. She said I know all of the main moves now (green belt).

I think we should stop it. We do incidetally all swim and take long walks together. She is Level 6 ASA swimming and loves that. Said would do Dance or Gymnastics instead. Although we tried this and she didn't like it at the time either!

Have to convince husband now that she can stop. Shame it is a waste of talent.

OP posts:

ohh · 04/09/2014 19:23

Took her to Judo tonight and she was fine this time getting ready, and then whingeing in the car about the fact that she thought she could stop it when she went to Secondary School. I think it has come to a head now that as she said that she would rather break her leg than compete!

She said that she doesn't like getting hurt , I said none of us do; Judo is about protecting yourself. She said I know all of the main moves now (green belt).

I think we should stop it. We do incidetally all swim and take long walks together. She is Level 6 ASA swimming and loves that. Said would do Dance or Gymnastics instead. Although we tried this and she didn't like it at the time either!

Have to convince husband now that she can stop. Shame it is a waste of talent.

.....

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