I need to hear stories of difficult children who have turned out alright...

(9 Posts)
80schild Tue 19-Aug-14 10:29:06

DS has always been a difficult child. The difficulties manifest themselves in numerous ways such as:

acts of aggression for perceived / imagined slights;
wilful disobedience;
DH hates the word but I would definitely say he has periods of "hyperactivity";
whining / crying when he doesn't get his own way.

He is 5 years old going on 6 and I feel he should be not necessarily calming down but at least appreciating that there are certain behaviours that are not done.

We deal with each situation as a new one and try not to dwell on things in the past but it is becoming really hard as he is currently in a downward spiral of bad behaviour - consequence, which leads to more bad behaviour and the other day he tried to hit me in the face when he didn't like something I said. He also frequently hurts his younger brother.

The school are also working really hard at helping him to understand boundaries and he is generally liked by some of the kids. However, I am noticing already that some of the parents are giving me a bit of a wide berth.

On the positive side I am hugely reassured by the fact that whenever there is a child in trouble at school DS will be the first person to be there trying to help; he is also a child that loves learning and he has made huge progress academically this year.

What I want to know is, will he ever get over this or will he always be difficult? It really frightens me sometimes because my grandfather was abusive to my dad and my dad tried really hard to control himself he had issues as well (I always believed it was as a result of his upbringing).

Recently I have just felt like crying because I never imagined one of my kids to be this badly behaved. We are trying so hard to help him but none it seems to be working at the moment.

odyssey2001 Tue 19-Aug-14 13:36:53

Are school exploring a diagnosis at all? Have they ruled out ADHD?

jimijack Tue 19-Aug-14 13:43:47

Well my boy was hard work but in a very different way to yours.

But yes, he is 11 now and much much better because we persisted and now he kinda gets it.

Still challenging but much better.

Teenage years are rapidly approaching, so I have a feeling it may all change.

tweetypie2 Tue 19-Aug-14 20:37:34

I was looking for advice when I read your post. My DS (same age) is almost exactly like yours and lately it's really been getting me down. Sanctions don't seem to bother him except time out still works to calm him down when he's being particularly hyper. I hope someone can offer us hope as I'm also stuck in a horrible cycle of negativity and worrying constantly how he'll be when older. You're not alone!

campingfilth Sat 23-Aug-14 11:19:20

Mine is like yours and very aggressive to me and to be honest I'm not sure how much longer I can cope. We left a camping holiday early because I could not face another violent outburst from him in front of a whole campsite I even and to lock myself in my car one day to stop him attacking me.

I've now made an appointment with a family therapy place to try and work out where I am going wrong and how I can help him with his anger etc. I've tried everything and I'm in tears most days.

rhetorician Mon 25-Aug-14 10:06:39

This rings bells with my dd, also 5, she can behave well, but we are in a constant round of nagging, cajoling and losing the plot. Not sure if there is a diagnosable issue or not, or whether to seek formal help. School has raised no concerns as she is very well behaved at school.

OneInEight Tue 26-Aug-14 08:14:37

Yep at ten my ds1 had such severe issues that he was permanently excluded from school. With the support of an absolutely fantastic EBD school over the last year he is an absolute pleasure to be around again. He is still wonderfully quirky but the violent behaviour has decreased dramatically as his anxiety levels have decreased. In my son's case the underlying cause of his difficulties was AS and I would advise anyone with a child showing behaviours beyond the norm to consider the possibility of SN. In the meantime "The Explosive Child" is a good read for advice on dealing with the challenging behaviour more effectively.

lljkk Tue 26-Aug-14 10:32:35

Ooh, I've got one.

Twin boys born premature (skinny & very unexpected) to 17yo mother. Bio dad rarely around & soon flitted off with 2nd wife. Started school without speaking English because had their own made-up language. Needed speech therapy. Ticked most boxes for future criminal development. Constantly started fights with peers. Were giants for their age which made the violence worse. It was them2 against the world. Headmaster had permission to paddle them at his discretion. Used to climb over fence to play in lumberyard next to school during school hours, and generally disobeyed all adults. Finished 3rd year of school almost 2 yrs behind for reading targets.

Arrival of a kind but firm stepfather when they were 9 helped (followed by many younger siblings). Step-dad had a menial paid job but was a committed family man, always described as one of the world's nicest people. The boys had lots of extended family support, too. Age 11 they finally settled down, did well at high school and University. They credited discovering a passion for sport as a big factor in saving them from a criminal life, too. Went on to prestigious careers as lawyers.

ps: they're old codgers now.

NickiFury Tue 26-Aug-14 10:39:02

My dd was a nightmare between ages 4 - 6. She screamed and tantrum at least twenty times a day, she attacked her poor brother if he so much as glanced her way. I remember posting on here in tears because she'd had a tantrum when out shopping and had screamed and kicked my seat, the windows of the car, kept letting herself out of her seat for the entire hours drive home in heavy traffic. It was endless, I was a shaking wreck. At night after she went to bed, I couldn't even concentrate on a book or TV, I just SAT for hours recovering from the day. She is 7 now and lovely, perfect at school, clearly defined sense of fairness and right and wrong. She has her moments but can be talked to now and realises what isn't acceptable.

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