My ds (8) is a quiet boy - quite anxious, takes a while to make friends, obedient, hates getting in trouble. We live in Scotland and he has just gone into p4.
Towards the end of the holidays he was expressing increasing anxiety about returning to school. In p1-3 he had a few good friends who shared interests and were on the quieter/nerdier end of the spectrum. In p3 a boy was moved into ds class from the other class as his behaviour had become unmanageable. I think he has additional needs and I know he has strong learning assistant support (1:1) in class but not in the playground.
He has poor impulse control, swears at teachers, climbs on tables and hits and intimidates children in the class. Up until mid-p3, my ds had managed to avoid him, but then he turned his attentions to ds. I see this boy as vulnerable - not intrinsically bad but i know he comes from a chaotic background and he acts out at school. He decided he wanted to be friends with ds, but that involves my ds being completely controlled.
Initially ds was coming home heavily bruised repeatedly and increasingly anxious, but this term it has escalated to this boy threatening and intimidating ds friends, hitting them or ds if they play together and isolating ds. I was called in to see the ht who expressed concern about my ds being unhappy and as this term approached my ds was dreading returning to school. This involved drawing pictures of this boy as a monster and feeling ill/sad when he thought about this boy and school.
Having been tolerant of this friendship I now see my ds becoming scared, intimidated and isolated (this is confirmed by other parents I have spoken to) and I don't know what to do for the best. The other kid is vulnerable and I don't want to stigmatise him but ds is too young and sensitive to manage this behaviour. I also am beginning to hear some nasty things from him towards another vulnerable kid in his class.
Does anyone have any experience/ideas for how to manage this? I am leaning towards telling him to avoid this boy completely and we are practising assertiveness, but I am worried that all his other friendships have drifted Sorry for length...
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Behaviour/development
8 yr old ds being isolated from friends by school friend
18 replies
Partridge · 16/08/2014 19:50
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