Biting and hair pulling 2 year old out of control!

[calcium]

My 2 year old dd has started biting and pulling hair uncontrolably. She mainly bites me which I may add is very painful but has also biten and scratched other children but the hair pulling is the worst thing. She mainly picks on her sister 4 and a couple of close friends which apart from embarassing is getting out of control. This is happening every day starting first thing in the morning and continuing all day. Sometimes she is agravated but sometimes she does it for the sheer hell of it saying "naughty" and presenting her handfuls of hair!
We don't seem to be able to disipline her to any degree what we do seems to make no difference and she will just do it again immediately. Luckily she adores babies and doesn't seem to touch them.
We are getting desperate and don't know who to ask or how to react especially having never had to go through this with our other daughter.
Any ideas all you mums out there?

[Sunnysideup]

What do you do/say when she does this to you?

[Jaffacake1]

hmmmm. this is a toughie! My mum says thatif I ever bit her...she bit me back. and that stopped it straight away.

If she does it to other kids can you snatch her away and sit her down in a quiet corner? I think she will stop if she realises it results in being bodily made to sit on her own, with her back to you........

otherwise...I am sure it is a phase and she will grow bored. Or someone elses kid will turn round and show her what it feels like! Aren't they little monkeys.

[needhugs]

OUr 2.5 yr old can be a bit of a handful and is extremly strong. When he want attention he pinches, kicks, pulls hair whatever and the more agressive our reaction the worse it gets. So 1st advice is not to react with any form of violence or "emotion" as this really gets them going!

The only thing that we have found to work is isolation, but immediately after the "act" and systematically. I very calmly tell him he is going to go in his room and he can come out when he is a good boy/ wants say sorry, whatever you want to achieve. If the bedroom is too far or not practical (other babies etc) we also use the bottom step where he has to sit until he has calmed down. A very calm reaction, simply saying you don't want to see them until they are nice again can work.

Obviously this can only be done when parent are feeling strong and relaxed which is not always case I know, but some sort of isolation or perhaps taking a treat away really does work and also starts a dialogue between you and toddler. Calmness seems to unsettle them when in full terrible 2 mode - I've noticed if I use words like 'naughty' or 'no' they see it as the green light to keep doing it!

Maybe you've already tried this though!! Good luck!

[needhugs]

ps, forgot to say that I don't lock him in his room or force him to stay - I tell him he can open the door and come out (when he's ready/ calm etc), they may be terrible twos but still babies!

[BonyM]

Our dd2 (18mths) is a bit of a biter/hair puller/scratcher. I asked the health visitor for advice and she said to show no reaction at all, but just put her down straight away and walk away.

Not always easy to show no reaction (especially when it's her 8 year old sister she does it to) but we're going to try in the hope that it will work eventually.

[Olihan]

Ds was a terrible hair puller from about 20 months, especially with a couple of his close friends but also at toddler group if another child had a toy he wanted, etc. The only way I found to deal with it was to hold his wrist to minimise how hard he was pulling, then carry him into a corner/out of the room and sit him on his own for a minute. If we were at home I'd put him in the hall and close the door, if we were out I'd usually stay next to him but not talking to him or giving any attention. He did get the message and after a few weeks he would let go really quickly without actually coming out with handfuls if we threatened him with going in the hall!!

We also started calling in a really embarrassingly cheerful voice 'give her a cuddle' when it looked like he was going to pull or 'stroke it gently' which distracted him a bit. He seemed to like the big angry reactions and would do it more.

Also being really OTT with the praise when he didn't pull hair made a bit of a difference.

Biting I have absolutely no experience of although I would imagine similar techniques could work if you don't want to go down the 'bite them back' route!!

[LittleMoose]

If it's any consulation my 2 yr old has tried everything, from biting/hair pulling/scratching through to poo spreading and escapology! Thankfully so far (touch wood), just as I get to the end of my tether she stops and it has just been a "phase". Obviously it is normal to expect a certain amount of attention seeking in all little ones.

[calcium]

I do try to hold her wrist then remove her when I have got her free! You are all right she doesn't like being put in another room on her own but quickly returns, I think shes too little to stay put but I may be wrong. I try to not react to strongly but I think the stronger the reaction the more satisfied she feels.
The biting is out of frustration as she can't totally communicate through speach although it's quite good. The hair pulling is often for no reason but I suppose to get a reaction .
I shall persevere with the removal technique and little reaction and see what happens

[alison222]

I used the removal technique with biting and hair pulling.
I used to put the offender into the hallway if at home or in a corner by themselves saying very sternly "we don't hit/bite"
the children who did it were slightly younder and hated being isolated as I wuld put them down and go back to hte other child and give them loads of attention, so the "offender" came back in tears almost immediately.
I used to make them "say" sorry by hugging the other child and then forget it.
Also as they approached another child I would say things like - oh a cuddle how nice - or, are you going to give so and so a kiss?
Took a few weeks of real vigilence, but then it stpooed as they realised the consequences of beign isolated

[Highlander]

DS (2) is also going through this. I just put him down, or walk away, with a blank face. I ignore him until he says 'hug/touch mummy' then he gets the happy face and loads of attention.

He tends to do it more if he's excited or attention seeking.

Like other mums have said, raising my voice or giving him attention ('don't do that, mummy said stop, stop it, stop it!') has the opposite effect.

[justamum]

My DS 2.7 is also a biter/ hair puller, rarely in malice, usually in excitement. He has a bit of a thing about feet (worrying I know) and regularly tries to bite my feet, he thinks its a game! This has developed into a fascination with dd's feet (5mnths) which he regularly kisses and sometimes gives a little nip if he gets over excited. I usually make a lot of fuss of her and very little of him if he bites her, i do make him say sorry. He knows he shouldn't do it but just doesn't seem to be able to contain himself, he is a boisterous boy anyway!

[grannyboots]

my 20mth dd is just stopping the phase of grabbing at peoples eyes - she's caused a few sctratches and tears! we tried the stern 'No' but ended up doing the 'naughty step' for 1 minute then getting her to say sorry - giving the victim a cuddle and a kiss - then forgetting about it. we also do the 'ooooh cuddles and kisses that's what friends do' when it looks like she's going to poke someones eye out.

it has mostly stopped now, however, she's now onto the biting (when she doesn't get her way) - she's bitten her wellies when she can't get them on, or her chair when it won't move to where she wants it, or the star because it won't go through the square hole.... at the moment we are ignoring the biting but will start using the naughty step again if necessary.

[RosieMac]

A tiny bit of advice I always thought was brilliant is never to use your child's room for any form of punishment as you really want them to be happy in there !
I stick DD aged 2 in a playpen in the spare room for her time out (probably all wrong too to encage her !). Rxx (PS my first post )