Struggling with 2 year olds awful behaviour with me

(14 Posts)
LittlePink Tue 08-Jul-14 19:22:25

Just having a bit of a moan but I'm really struggling with my 2 year olds behaviour at the moment. She's become really bossy and demanding recently and it's starting to grate on me. She orders me around and throws hissy fits if things arent done her way or if I say no. She hits and kicks me everyday which has gone on for ages now and doesn't show any sign of stopping anytime soon. I'm just finding her so difficult to manage I could just sit and cry about it now. I'm 14 weeks pregnant and feeling so utterly exhausted and suffering with headaches, it's all just getting too much. Dh is out for drinks with friends tonight so I can't talk to him about it and even when I do he just looks at me blank like what do you want me to do about it?

Does anyone else's DC order you around and lash out? How do you handle it? Her behaviour with me really leaves alot to be desired but she's an angel if my in laws have her for the day. She wouldn't dream of hitting or kicking them.

ComradePlexiglass Tue 08-Jul-14 20:16:36

Poor you. 2year olds can be very hard work. Do you have a strategy for when she hits/kicks you? Time out? Does she rat and sleep well? They can be v ratty if tired or hungry.

LittlePink Tue 08-Jul-14 20:31:00

She sleeps well from 7pm until 6.30am so can't complain with that and naps 1.5 hours after lunch. When I have the energy I pick her up and put her in the corner when she hits and kicks and tell her no hitting/kicking and walk away. It happens so often I'm finding I'm not consistent with this but I always tell her no that hurts mummy and now mummy feels sad. She does say sorry which is something. She has just developed a really bad temper and lashes out if she wants something she can't have or doesn't want to do and has become a little bossy boots eg "put c beebies on now mummy!" Or "get me a drink!" "I want a snack now! Give it!" we don't speak like this so it's a bit of a shock to the system to be ordered around by this small person!

ComradePlexiglass Tue 08-Jul-14 21:00:14

Yes, they are so imperious, aren't they? My nearly 5 y o girl still has tendencies that way! Miles easier to reason with though. It does get better. Must be hard when you are tired from the pregnancy. Do you get much of a break from her? If you are at home with her all day would it be worth looking at a few mornings at playgroup?

Jaffakake Tue 08-Jul-14 21:17:00

My ds is 2.11 and does this a bit. Luckily he does say please & thank you, but he will sit on the sofa & shout "more octonauts!" Or "more raisins" As soon as it finished, right up until you go & press play, even if I ignore him for like 5 minutes!

He does hitting, pinching & scratching. Mainly to me, sometimes to dh & never to anyone else. Mostly when he's tired. We're getting somewhere with the naughty spot & telling him it's not nice. It's a relatively new thing & we've been very consistent in dealing with it at home. (On holiday he got a bit nasty, but that's a whole different thread!)

This morning, literally on the way out of the house, late, he decided he didn't want shorts, but trousers & stropped until I changed him!

So, yes my ds, who's generally an angel, is being a pain in the bum too.

I think us mums (or main carers) get the worst of it cos they're more secure in acting out with us, as little consolation as that may be. I know you're tired, but I think you need to get a simple strategy to deal with it every time she lashes out, time out in her room for example, may be the only way to see a change. I'd probably pick that first & deal with the verbal stuff later, maybe when your pregnancy tiredness & sickness has worn if a bit! Like not listening until she says it nicely.

LittlePink Wed 09-Jul-14 09:15:13

Comrade- I don't get much of a break from her. With me being a sahm we're only on the one salary at the moment so we cant afford to send her to nursery for a couple of mornings a week. Will have to wait until shes 3 for the 15 hours. I take her to play groups so we do get out. Just this morning she smacked me on the knuckles with the remote control because I turned c beebies off to take her up to get her ready. I guess its just the "temper tantrums" ive heard so much about. I took her straight into the dining room and put her in the corner and said "im putting you here because you hit me and it hurt" and walked away upstairs and ignored her. She came after me screaming and saying sorry. Seems like whatever I do doesn't make any difference though. She doesn't learn. I know she cant control her impulses but it doesn't make it any easier for the one being hurt.

HearMyRoar Wed 09-Jul-14 21:45:43

I think all 2 year olds have dictator tendencies I'm afraid. We have a few strategies that help with dd. Maybe worth a go for you.

When doing something I know she won't like I give loads of warning. I tell her, we need to turn off the TV in 5 minutes so we can go and have fun at playgroup. Count down the time, repeating what is going to happen. You feel a bit silly but it was a tip I got from mn and it does really help with reducing meltdowns.

We insist on 'please' and 'thank you'. I don't think this makes her demand less but you do feel better about it when they are polite.

Also, I don't think just because they ask for something you have to drop everything and do it right away. If I am busy with something else then I will tell dd she had to wait until I have finished and then she can have whatever it is. It can be a hard one of they are used to always getting what they want right away but I think it's an important lesson to learn.

alikat724 Thu 10-Jul-14 16:25:07

I have a 2.8 yo who is similar. We can be having a lovely time, interacting and giggling, then suddenly she will smack me or bite me. It started mildly when I stopped breast feeding her at 18 months and has escalated a lot since she turned 2. The meltdowns when she doesn't agree with a change, direction etc can be nuclear, I think the term Terrible Twos was coined for just such a reason! Metaphorical non-alcoholic wine for you.

I recently read a Huffington Post article http://www.huffingtonpost.com/emma-jenner/modern-day-parenting-in-c_b_5552527.html which helped reassure me that standing firm and handling it with techniques such as time outs, removal of privileges etc is valid, even at this age. I also read that time outs should be limited to years, 2 for 2 yo, 3 mins for 3, etc. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. What I would suggest is to perhaps focus on your DD learning to make amends and apologise. If I ask for an apology but do not press the point, my DD will often take 5 mins or more to process what she has done and 9 times out of 10 come up and hug my leg and say "sorry mummy". Good luck with finding your way with such tough behavioural issues and I hope you have a supportive DH to help when your more LO arrives...xx

NancyinCali Thu 10-Jul-14 17:04:56

My 2.3 year old is going through a difficult stage and I'm 38 weeks pregnant. To be honest nursery 2 days a week is my saviour right now as we live in a different country to the rest of our family and we have no help. If you have family that can give you a break then don't be afraid to ask, especially as your pregnancy progresses.

When she asks for something like "more milk" I say "you'd like more milk please mummy?". And then I let her know I've heard her and I'll get it when I've eaten a little more dinner (as it always seems to happen when I'm eating) rather than jumping up that instant.

If she hits out or kicks (fairly rare these days) I tell her I won't let you hit me and hold her hands (or feet) and that it's "ouchy" when she does it. If she's mid tantrum I move away from her and offer a hug when she's calmer. I haven't tried time outs as I don't think she would stay there or understand it but all DC are different.

I suspect a lot of her behaviour is stemming from the imminent arrival of her baby sister and she's teething (dreaded two year molars).

I'm at a loss at what to do about her sudden need to climb on everything though! Oh and her nap refusals several times a week.

LittlePink Thu 10-Jul-14 20:17:47

Hmm I could try that, holding her hands or feet and saying "i wont let you hit me". Thanks, its worth a try! She has just cut her first back molar, they were a bad few days. 3 more to go, omg.

I wondered about giving her a cushion when she hits me and say "its ok for you to be angry. You can hit this cushion if you're angry but you cant hit mummy". I don't know if it would work though. I don't want to give the impression hitting things is ok but I do want her to know that angry feelings are ok and normal but just need to teach her how to channel them. That's the hard part!

I am very strict on manners. I absolutely insist on pleases and thank yous for everything, but a lot of the time she needs reminding. Which is fine, toddlers forget to say please and thank you. I will just keep plugging away until she does it of her own accord, which sometimes she does. Its hit and miss.

Goldmandra Thu 10-Jul-14 20:28:42

he will sit on the sofa & shout "more octonauts!" Or "more raisins" As soon as it finished, right up until you go & press play, even if I ignore him for like 5 minutes!

This morning, literally on the way out of the house, late, he decided he didn't want shorts, but trousers & stropped until I changed him!

You are teaching him that this behaviour is a really effective method of getting what he wants.

You'd be much better waiting until he asks nicely for you to press play or to change his clothes. If you've decided not to do something and told him that, don't change your mind because he is stropping or you will have an awful lot more of them to deal with.

givemecaffeine21 Thu 10-Jul-14 21:23:46

My two year old has very recently started being bossy and aggressive too. She screams 'Mummy!' in the most demanding, obnoxious voice when she wants me, as if she's calling her slave. I simply won't stand for it and tell her 'no, say mummy nicely'. The trouble is her 3 year old cousin speaks to her mum this way whenever she wants anything and gets away with it so to a large extent it's learned behaviour and she wonders if she'll get away with it too. I find it infuriating to be honest as she sniggers when I correct her. I don't let any please or thank you's slide either and if she refuses to say it she doesn't get whatever she was asking for until she does. In terms of hitting, she's also doing this a fair bit (we've just stopped the biting of baby brother!) and I correct her straight away and ask her to say sorry. If she won't stop, it's time out. We have also implemented a 'kindness chart' and she gets a sticker on her chart if she acts kindly. Tune out is pretty much 100% effective in our house.

She's a diamond most of the time but she's really trying it on lately and I'm holding my ground as I know the Terrible Twos have started and I want them to be as short as possible!

givemecaffeine21 Thu 10-Jul-14 21:25:05

time out.....I wish I could tune out sometimes though!

Vijac Fri 11-Jul-14 00:17:30

I thoroughly recommend the book calmer, easier, happier parenting. He ideas include:
- lots of positive praise and attention for good behaviour. Eg. (Multiple times a day) 'you are bring gentle, how kind', 'you are not hitting, how well behaved' etc. Use instead of reprimands.
- Acknowledge their feelings and emotions. Eg. 'i turned the tv off and I think maybe you're feeling really cross because you were watching it'. 'You are so mad that you can't watch anymore' can then be linked with above...'you feel so cross that you want to hit me but you put your hand down, great self control'.
-prepare for success, at a neutral time discuss crunch points by asking questions eg. In car,when we watch tv,I have to turn to off after a whole, can you tell me a great way to behave when I do this?' Maybe give a clue-'should you shout and kick, or be calm and say thank you for letting me watch my programme.' Ask about the situation that you're tackling a few times a day.
- prepare for success. Let them know what to expect, eg 'every day you can have two episodes, then you have to turn it off'. You can have ten minutes and when the buzzer goes on the phone you must give it back to mummy Etc etc

Sorry this is very long and you need to read the book really but I found the above techniques to be very effective.
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