DS violent to non resident mother when staying

[daddydaniel]

Hi all,

This is my first post on this forum so please bear with me, will give you a little bit of background before we come to the issue.

I have a DS who is 5 1/2, he has lived with me for the last 3 1/2 years as it was decided that I was the "best" parent to look after him when me and his mother split (her words not mine).

Life goes on and all that, his mother is in a relationship and has had another child and moved a number of times. I am in a new relationship and in Feb we moved to our new family home but kept DS in the same school as was close to work. I have a new job so in September DS will be moving to a new school which we have discussed and he thinks its a two thumbs up positive thing (something that my partner does with him)

Anyway, there have been a number of occasion that when DS is staying with his mother he get violent and hits out at her and throws things at their new child and her new partner. Saying that he hates her and does not want to be there. Apart from these outburst she says he is normally fine. She has recently moved to a new house and I believe he is now sharing a room with his younger step brother.

In the entire time that I have been with my new partner, 9+ months, with moving house etc he has never been violent towards any member of our house.

We are getting a little concerned as to why he is acting out in this way when he visits his mothers, should we consider stopping the visits for a while (which wont go down very well) or just monitor the situation?

Thanks for reading through the ramble and any help/advice would be gratefully received, we want DS to be as happy as possible.

[Gen35]

I'd be inclined to ask for the opinion of a child psychologist, or start with your dr. I've not been in this situation, but I wouldn't stop contact yet as it could be that ds is missing his mother and acting out to try and get attention - I'd want more insight into the whys before taking any action. I have family that've been separated from one or another parent for long stretches and it was always all about missing that person for the child. Can you talk to your ex p about it? I wonder if she can try spending more individual time with ds. If his mum isn't that responsive, i reckon it's time for you to look into getting advice on how to manage it too as it sounds like a persistent issue.

[MeridianB]

It sounds like he's been through a lot of change in a little life - parents separating, mother moving a lot, two new step parents, new sibling, dad moving and a new school on the horizon. I think I'd be a bit stressed out too...

You sound very caring and thoughtful but through nobody's fault it may all be a bit much for him to process. Have you asked him how he feels and why he lashes out? How old is his little brother? Is he getting disturbed in the night there?