Please talk to me about ASD I need help.

(29 Posts)
SholerAndChocolate Tue 08-Jul-14 08:50:49

I'm completely ignorant about it, apologies if I use the wrong terminology, I'm not looking to offend anyone I just need help with my dd. this is going to be garbled and make little sense, by please help if you can.

When dd was 6 months old we were refered to a pead for allergy/intollerance issues. The pead mentioned then that he'd seen children like her and almost always they've ended up on the spectrum. At the time I had a thread on here about it and I was really upset, but we've plodded through and we don't see that dr any more. Infact he's not under any medical professionals at the moment.

Dd is now 2 and I know it's a difficult age because of the terrible 2'a and to top it off 9 weeks ago her baby brother was born. She's now a middle child and often says 'send him back'

So dd2's speach is coming along really well, although no one other than family can understand her. She talks in full sentences and is actually quite sociable (when her sister (3yo) is around and she copies her sister)

She has almighty tantrums, sometimes just being 'naughty' eg I don't want to pick up my cup, but other times it feels different. I live in fear of her bannana breaking or only having a broken buscuit left as that will cause a majour tantrum.

She doesn't give me an awful lot of eyecontact, but can be very affectionate. She will run and jump on me to give me a cuddle, like cuddling up when she feels sad - but often will say I feel sad but don't know why.

Things have to be done a certain way around her, we can't change plans at the last minute or do anything without telling her exactly what we will be doing, or it causes a tantrum.

There is so much more but I can't think right now. Does this sound like normal 2 year old behaviour, now written down I wonder if it is? And then I get so angry at the dr for planting the idea in my head in the first place - is this me worrying and I should get it checked out or is this because the dr told me she might be so I'm looking for it.

So I open it up to you? What do I do? I wouldn't even know where to start anyway sad

CaptainSinker Tue 08-Jul-14 08:55:49

That sounds like a perfectly normal 2 year old.

SholerAndChocolate Tue 08-Jul-14 08:59:32

I'm posting because this morning our morning routine has been thrown out. Dh overslept (we all did!) so has had to leave quicker than she was expecting, her bannana was dirty so stupidly I broke the dirty bit off, her 'spot' had the baby's blanket on it and it's all just gone so wrong for her this morning. She's had tantrum after tantrum, but it's more than I ever felt with with dd1.

Also she will play with her sister but prefers being on her own. She will push and hit in play and not know that's it's wrong (we are working on it) time out doesn't work, she just doesn't understand. And sleep has always been an issue with her. She hates it!

CaptainSinker Tue 08-Jul-14 08:59:53

Maybe I should add... My DD is just turned 3. She doesn't have autism. Sometimes she will have tantrums that are illogical. Sometimes she will say she is sad but can't say why, probably isn't really sad anyway.

So much of the world is new and confusing at this age. They are just learning. They will experiment with different words and behaviour. This is normal development.

You could ask your health visitor to do an autism checklist, but really nothing you have said here sounds like autism.

The Paediatrician sounds very irresponsible.

SholerAndChocolate Tue 08-Jul-14 09:00:16

I think I might love you captain. You are the only person to have ever said that smile

CaptainSinker Tue 08-Jul-14 09:01:44

She is too young to understand time out.

Tantrum after tantrum is normal some days in this house too.

She is a different person from her sister, and she is in a different position in the family. So her behaviour will be different.

CaptainSinker Tue 08-Jul-14 09:02:11

I'm sure a lot of people would think it!

HecatePropylaea Tue 08-Jul-14 09:04:20

My youngest has always been very affectionate and when he was a toddler he was very interactive. He has autism and ADHD. My eldest (autistic) was the more stereotypical, layman's understanding of what autism must be (brought to you by the Rainman School of Thought On Autism) - zero eye contact, going rigid, lining things up, etc.

I would recommend getting an assessment. It will not give your child autism, but it will determine whether she is or is not on the spectrum. there is no downside to an assessment. They aren't interested in chucking diagnoses around unnecessarily grin and if there is an issue, early intervention can and does make a HUGE difference.

Whatever it is - it is, an assessment will just remove the uncertainty that can just be so hard to deal with.

CroydonFacelift Tue 08-Jul-14 09:05:41

On one hand, she sounds like a normal 2 yr old.

On the other hand, you are worried and feel sometimes something 'isnt right'.

My advice would be to keep an pen mind and see how she develops over the next 6-12 months etc.

mummytime Tue 08-Jul-14 09:12:46

Assessments take a while to come through, so I would push for one. If before you get it all your worries/niggles disappear - then you can cancel (and someone else moves up the lists). It could still just be being 2/3, but at least you will have your mind set to rest and may pick up some tips. It could also help if further issues hit later on.

And using some ASD techniques will not do anyone any harm (anything short of drugs cannot as far as I can see do any harm).

But she sounds pretty ordinary. My DD on the spectrum was an angel at this age, and spoke clearly and with quite advanced language.

KittiesInsane Tue 08-Jul-14 09:16:23

My toddler with autism was the easiest of the three at that age -- gentle, thoughtful, contented as long as anything wasn't too unusual.

coffeetofunction Tue 08-Jul-14 09:25:20

I know next to nothing about autism but I'm sure my son is on the spectrum. He's just been diagnosed with ADHD after 6 years of me battling....I'm telling you this because for more than 6 years I knew something 'wasn't right' & I was told it was my parenting & there was nothing wrong. I knew I was & I was.... I truly believe parents just know. If you really feel strongly about it when get what help you can & trust your mothering instinct x

SholerAndChocolate Tue 08-Jul-14 09:26:53

Thank you everyone. You've all made me feel so much better, I've avoided posting about this for so long as I guess I'd rather just bury my head in the sand.

I'm never sure if I feel something is wrong because of what the dr said or if it's my own intuition iykwim. I trust my gut a lot and always go with my intuition, but this issue just feels clouded. I wish the dr had never said anything.

I think I need to keep notes for a few days, write down what she does and why and then go to our (very lovely) health visitor and see what she thinks. Also with a behaviour diary I can spot triggers and also see better if it's all normal 2 yearold behaviour.

Than you everyone.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Tue 08-Jul-14 09:29:05

It can be very difficult to define between normal behaviour and ASD characteristics at such a young age.

DS1 has Aspergers, but the major differences between his behaviour and that of other children didn't really become very apparent until he had to try and conform at school.

DS1 was a very affectionate, bright, happy whirlwind of a toddler. We did find that tantrums would be worsened by disturbing his routine or doing things "wrong" for him (i.e. reading a bedtime story on the sofa downstairs when the "right" place was in his bedroom).

However, his behaviour was pretty much still age appropriate until school age, when he would not sit on the carpet (didn't like the texture), would not stop talking in class (if he had something to say, he HAD to say it) and had no real interest in making friends - although he did generally have one close-ish friend, he saw no need for anyone to have more than the one grin.

It's hard to define but, for us, the obvious signs were probably the 'normal' toddler tantrums/stresses which are completely appropriate for a 2 year old, still being present when DS1 was 4, 5 or even 6.

Having said that, he is almost 17 now and fine. He still has Aspergers, obviously, but has friends, has just sat his GCSEs and has a college place for September. He did eventually learn to 'conform' to a mainstream school, it just took time.

mummytime Tue 08-Jul-14 09:36:20

A diary is a very good idea, as if you go for assessment they will ask you all kinds of information about behaviour. The more information the better, triggers can start a long time before the event.

However 2 and 3 year olds can be very tricky little people at the best of times.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Tue 08-Jul-14 09:48:03

Totally agree regarding the diary. If you never need to use it then great. It will be helpful should you need assessment though. Trying to remember how DS1 coped with various textures of food at 6 months was quite tough when he was 14 years old!

wfrances Tue 08-Jul-14 09:53:12

ds 15 has lots of traits( no actual dx, and he had birth trauma )
but we noticed straight away as he never cried.
we were just told he was content.
it wasnt until the hv came to do a 2 yr old check ,that alarm bells (for them)started ringing.
if people approached him he would face the wall, or put his hands over his face ,he wouldnt talk,
would leave the room if there was any noise or visitors arrived - he used to hide under the bed
go with your gut ,ask for testing.

SholerAndChocolate Tue 08-Jul-14 11:58:38

See she was my most difficult baby, wouldn't settle, constantly screaming just never happy and needing me 24/7 I couldn't put her in a sling because of damage done during pregnancy and labour and I couldn't put her down because she would cry non stop sad

She hates noise, her hands are constantly over her ears when ever there are big noises, she does however like fireworks - but only if she's expecting them eg 'were going to watch some fireworks tonight, there's going to be vest loud noises lots of bangs do you want to come?' But if there are fireworks and she's not expecting it (eg we drive past a display) no amount of explaining and soothin will calm her.

The health visitor just phoned me (or the baby) and I explained my concerns. She's going to come out and do a 2 year check next week and take it from there (they aren't done routinely in this area) I'll keep the diary for the next few weeks and see what happens.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Tue 08-Jul-14 12:12:36

Your last post does sound more symptomatic, if I'm being totally honest.

DS1 was the same as you describe as a baby - because he was our first though, we thought nothing of it. And of course, some babies are more "difficult" than others anyway.

PJ67 Tue 08-Jul-14 23:44:16

I think it sounds like normal 2 year old behaviour and I'm sure the doctor saying that has made you very hypersensitive to everything she does. Give her another year and I'm sure things will change for the better.

Isabeller Wed 09-Jul-14 00:00:02

DP has an Autism Spectrum Condition, it does make life difficult for him in some ways but also has plusses. I did an OU course about the Autism Spectrum to help me understand it better and from what I remember it isn't easy to diagnose in a young child. One of the things which could form part of the assessment was about joint attention.

You might find this link interesting.

I hope you get some helpful information soon and this doesn't continue to be a source of uncertainty and anxiety.

PolterGoose Wed 09-Jul-14 18:37:04

Sholer usually, if a parent thinks there's something happening developmentally, they're right. It might not be autism, and it might not be a big thing, but there's usually something.

I would do some reading and make notes as you go. Have you seen the M-CHAT-R toddler autism screening tool? It might be good to do it before the 2y check. Definitely keep a diary, this will be invaluable both to help you remember stuff and to spot patterns and triggers.

A book that was recommended to me when ds was a little older, but before he got his diagnosis was 'The Out of Sync Child' which is all about sensory processing, and I've found sensory activities really our best weapon against meltdowns.

MisForMumNotMaid Wed 09-Jul-14 18:49:12

My eldest is Autistic (10) my youngest (3) is being assessed. She's generally very contented, a bit too contented but when she blows she really blows. She has poor eye contact, very low pain recognition, is sensitive to textures, sensitive to light and noise, fussy about routine and things being just so.

We've started speach and language therapy (her speach is very good but very litteral). The speach therapist has given me various leaflets to work with her on eye contact when she wants something and turn taking. For eye contact we use bubbles and she has to watch my face/ the bubble hoop at my face for bubbles to be blown. Its an easy thing for me to do but she really struggles when shes excited she can't look at me. I did querry the look at me advise because its conflicting to what
I've been told to do with DS1 who has almost no eye contact.

As mentioned up thread its worth pursuing your concerns because no harm can come of it.

Heyho111 Thu 10-Jul-14 08:48:45

Language is weird. You have receptive lang which is what you understand and expressive what you say. Receptive develops first followed by expressive. If a child is a little behind in either or both of these it can show it's self in weird ways such as liking routines. If they are not completly sure what is happening or feel they can't express themselves they feel safe in a routine. Unfortunately this is also a symptom of ASD and being worry mums we have to think the worst.
If your daughter can't express herself well she likes a routine to feel safe. Mixed with terrible 2s of wanting control eg biscuit how she wants it , your in for a bumpy ride.
It might be worth asking for a referral to speech therapy to help her form words better. She may also be frustrated.

Goldmandra Thu 10-Jul-14 11:43:53

You could be describing a child with ASD very easily and a lot of what you talk about is very familiar to me as a parent of two girls with AS.

The problem is that you can't accurately assess the level of difficulty a child has or the impact it has on their ability to life their everyday life from the sorts of descriptions you get in a post on MN. What you describe could also be a NT two year old.

I could describe my DD2's difficulties on here and plenty of people would come on saying she sounds just like a perfectly normal stroppy preteen. She's not. She is very intelligent and compliant but also has a statement of SEN and full time one to one TA support.

Think about the impact your DD's responses have on your lives. Compare your live to those of others with children of similar ages. Are your lives similar and different in small ways or do you have to jump through numrous hoops every day just to manage one of your children's behaviour?

Your HV isn't qualified to make a judgement about whether your DD has ASD. An assessment is a very long drawn out and detailed process and it can't be done in one conversation.

If you don't feel an assessment is necessary at the moment that's fine but, if the day comes that you do, don't take no for an answer. GPs and HVs are skilled enough to discount a dx.

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