Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

Advice needed on how I can encourage dd to cope when teased (sorry for long post)

23 replies

frumpygrumpy · 07/09/2006 11:20

My DD is 5.5 and the youngest in her class. She is tall for her age though and some people think she's about 7!

She loves fun and can be a handful at home but is also a sensitive soul who doesn't seem to be all that confident in school.

Lately she's been teased about her "fuzzy" hair. She has beautiful, blonde wavy hair (like a mermaid or princess I tell her). She put in her own ponytail at school, felt very proud of herself but was teased because of the sticky out bits you get with wavy hair. She was a little hurt and wet it in the toilets to try to smooth it down.

Her new teacher (P2) is totally different to her last. The kids are not kept in line as much as her last teacher did and I think my dd feels the difference. Her last teacher helped build great confidence in her and I'm concerned it will come undone.

She was tearful this morning and I waited for her while she went to the loo. Even though they knew I was outside, two girls from her class played a practical joke on her. Nothing bad, just soaked all the paper towels so she had nothing to dry her hands on and laughed out loud together. DD came out big eyed and cried before I left.

Its not bullying and its nothing more than kids being kids. I'd like to help her deal with this though......what can I do? What can I suggest she does? Laughs back? Plays the game to them? Walks away? When it was her hair I said I thought she should laugh and say "so what?"

How can I help her deal with these situations? One day soon it will be more than this and I want her to feel she has it within herself to deal with it.

Sorry for rambling on and on.

OP posts:

Report

anniediv · 07/09/2006 11:35

oh no and . I really feel for you. I encourage my dd1 (age 5.5 too) to think why someone might tease her. For example, there's an only child who is a bit mean to her sometimes, so she came to the conclusion that she teases her because she might like sisters but hasn't got them. It works for her. The trouble is, because she is the oldest and has always been told not to fight back if the younger ones do anything, she's a bit badly equipped to deal with it when other kids have a pop at her. What I really want to do, of course, is steam into the school and rip shreds off the other kids!!! But I ould never do that I hope you can find a strategy that works.

anniediv · 07/09/2006 11:36

would

TooTicky · 07/09/2006 11:38

I'd be interested too - I'm never sure what to advise. It does sound as though the teacher isn't being very supportive though. Good luck!

KTeepee · 07/09/2006 11:42

Whatever tactics you decide on to help her cope, it is very important that she knows she can trust you to help her deal with this and that she can always confide in you. My mother never intervened (used to tell me to "fight my own battles") and as a consequence I stopped confiding any worries from a very early age and it has really affected our relationship in the long-term.

frumpygrumpy · 07/09/2006 11:51

Thanks girls. KTeepee, thats sad for you, has it brought you a strength? I'm hoping she does keep confiding.

anniediv thats a good idea, thanks for that. My dd is also the oldest in our family and I think we've brought them up the same! My younger two are much most used to rough and tumble and are more streetwise.

Ah its a life.

OP posts:

anniediv · 07/09/2006 11:56

Yes streetwise was the word I was looking for. She definitely isn't as streetwise as the younger 2! I have to say that sometimes I sit at home boiling and thinking up all sorts of terrible revenge for kids that pick on her!! Ultimately though, I guess we have to step back once we've taught them a few strategies and let them sort it out themselves.... I hope it works out for you.

frumpygrumpy · 07/09/2006 11:58

Thank you, that is the best we can do for them, we can't fight the battles. Jeez this motherin lark ain't easy!

OP posts:

KTeepee · 07/09/2006 12:15

Well, I would say I am fairly independent and self-reliant but maybe too much, iyswim.

frumpygrumpy · 07/09/2006 14:04

One little bump for the afternoon crowd.....

OP posts:

Adorabelle · 07/09/2006 14:43

My little sister who is now 11 is a sensitive
little soul too. She would never give as good as she got when teased & would end up v. distressed at the kids being kids nastiness.

You sound like you are already doing a great job handling the situation. She can come to you when she needs to, you'll sit & talk it through with her & other than that I think she'll more than likely
find her own way to deal with it (either ignore, or fight back) when she gets a wee bit older.

You sound like a lovely caring mum & I hope your
dd can toughen up abit, although my sister never
did! She still sobs when someones nasty to her, but its just not in her nature to retaliate.

Adorabelle · 07/09/2006 14:46

Hasn't phsychologically damaged her in anyway though
as she got a very sought after place at a Grammer
school, her 1st day yesterday

Hermit · 07/09/2006 17:49

Agree with everything that's been said about learning how to deal with things themselves. However, there is a limit and to be honest if there is a lot of the sort of thing you have described with the paper towels I would go and have a word with the teacher about it. My dd - now 7 - successfully dealt with quite a lot of this sort of thing but after a while the repetitiveness overwhlemed her and she needed some help.

gracej · 07/09/2006 17:59

Hermit, could you expand a bit more on what did you daughter did to succesfully deal with it? Did she confront them? Ignore? ????
Very interesting topic. My niece suffers from this sort of problem, and I never know what advice to give him when she talks to me.

mrsdarcy · 07/09/2006 19:13

my DS1 (6) hates being teased and my DH sometimes really winds him up. DS1 is quite comtetitive so I told him that if he got upset when Daddy teased him, he had won. So if he wanted to win, he needed to try and laugh.

Bit pathetic, a grown man winding him up like this! But DS1 is much much better about it now.

Hermit · 07/09/2006 19:18

OK I'll try to remember! During reception her main tactic was to say something like 'I don't like it when you do xxxxx. Please could you stop.' or 'That was a bit of a mean thing to do - I didn't think you were a mean person but perhaps I was wrong' - or words to that effect. We practised lots of this at home, along with 'no, stop that please - i don't like it.' - always said pleasantly, but loud enough for anyone within earshot to hear eg a dinner supervisor, teacher etc. She wsas always so pleased when they followed up! Also lots of work on her self-esteem - she doesn't have to get on with everyone,she is wonderful as she is etc. Somehow it seemed to do the trick, and I was very proud of her when she stuck up for one of her friends who was getting a much harder time of it in Year 1. Generally, she now believes that most people only do these things if they get a reaction - so never show you're upset, make your point then walk away, head high.

Earlybird · 07/09/2006 19:34

Oh, how sad for your little girl. What she's experiencing might not be bullying but it's definitely unkind.

Is there anyone at the school you could have a word with? Maybe her previous teacher might be able to offer some advice? Does the school have a policy of how it will handle bullying? Might be worth you alerting someone to the situation so that they can keep a close watch. Also might be worth the school stating officially to the children that bullying isn't acceptable, and maybe even defining it for them. Bullying probably starts out as mean spirited teasing and belittling. Speak to someone - don't let the situation escalate.

frumpygrumpy · 08/09/2006 13:06

Hermit, thats helpful thanks. I'm going to watch closely over the next week and if its no different then I'll have a word with her teacher. I think a general and gentle class chat might benefit them all (without putting ideas into heads hopefully!).

Thanks girls.

OP posts:

frumpygrumpy · 08/09/2006 13:08

And thanks Adorabelle, nice words.

OP posts:

monkey · 08/09/2006 14:17

amazon advertising these books at moment. may help you, and her?

How to Handle Bullies, Teasers, and Other Meanies: A Book That Takes the Nuisance Out of Name Calling and Other Nonsense

and
Stick Up for Yourself: Every Kid's Guide to Personal Power and Self-Esteem

sorry no back slash to do links

www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/1568250290/ref=ord_cart_shr/202-9236890-9877442?_encoding=UTF8&m=A3P5ROKL5A1OLE&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

it's difficult to know how to deal with this isn't it?

frumpygrumpy · 11/09/2006 13:14

Thanks monkey, I'm going to seek out the books, they sound really good.

OP posts:

nappyaddict · 11/09/2006 14:16

i would try telling her to ignore them, walk away and laugh. also telling them loud enough for a teacher to hear that they are not happy with what they are doing.

southeastastra · 11/09/2006 14:26

does the teacher know? sounds like they like making trouble but it should be nipped in the bud

tissy · 11/09/2006 14:30

I would certainly involve the teacher over the paper towel thing- it may only have been kids being kids, but it also means that no-one will be able to dry their hands, and so may avoid washing them. Apart from that the school will have to pay to replace the towels.It's vandalism!

Flip

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.