answering back

[Katiebel]

I have a pretty bright 3yrs 10mths old girl. She can be lovely but seems to be a really double sided creature.
Her latest annoying thing is answering back. It is driving me absolutely mad- I just would never have dared to that as a child.
I'm trying really hard to stay calm & ignore as much as I can - 'that's not nice' 'we say oh my goodness instead' (she's been saying oh my god) Other examples of what she says - shut up (we don't say this at home) 'no you won't' - common response to any 'threats' eg you'll be sent to your room (we always carry everything out) & general disagreeing to anything we say
I'm trying really hard to diffuse, not get cross / draw attention but sometines it's just not acceptable & she gets sent to her room / something taken away
What next - I'm desperate !
What next ??

[djp6775]

I have one that answers back too about the same age - she's 4 in October. She has turned completely obnoxious and is too intellingent for her own good - she get herself into trouble by arguing about everything. We have to have a bartering session every meal time about how much dinner she has to eat. She has an answer for everything (the worrying thing is though, everything she says is right!!!). I am hoping starting preschool next week will help.

[Ericblack]

Oh dear. My six year old son had been doing this for ages, about two years. It got much, much worse after his brother was born 15 months ago. I have to admit I flip out often now. We do all the standard stuff - stick to our word, carry out punishments, give him plenty of one to one attention, make sure he's involved, talk to him about things. Complete waste of time in terms of stopping the arguing and talking back. I feel exhausted, angry and guilty loads. Wish I had a suggestion rather than a moan to add.

[BEXIDOODLE]

mmm, my little G&T bundle of "joy" is constantly answering back and negotiating with me in that inimitable "but you said....." - can't offer any advice apart from ignoring them - works with mine anyway.

[LoveMyGirls]

i think it gets worse once they are at school, it drives you mad its the one thing i really cant stand and i am very hard on dd1 when she does it. the punishment that works best is sending her to bed at 6.30pm (she is 7) and usually goes at 7.30, i would send her at 7 but that is her sister's (11mths) bedtime and im not messing dd2's bedtime up because dd1 has cheeked me so i send her to bed earlier as they cant go at the same time because they keep each other awake.

[DominiConnor]

Given that Katiebel seems to me to be doing the right thing with carrying out threats etc, it is a tricky one.
I have this slogan of "never let a child think it can be more unreasonable than you can"

She's trying to neutralise your threat capability, and short of increasing the threats to abuse levels, she has got you pinned down.

Thus I'd try striking without warning.

In the situation where you'd threaten sending her to her room, I'd try simply do it.

Even at 3, smart kids have a sense of "law" and "rights". She feels she has a right to a warning and a last chance before sanctions are applied.

She will feel terribly aggrieved by your action (I believe). You are violating her "rights", and the natural order of things.

After you've done this a few times, you can sit down with her, in a clam situation and explain why you are doing this.
In your place, I'd say that because you can't warn her, because of the answering back, you just have to do it, and you are as unhappy about this as she is.
A theme I have with my kids is that my "job" is to help them learn how to be good, and you might find that useful. Yes I know you love her, but they get a lot more "jobs" from TV and books than love. Indeed they get more examples of cookery than love from TV.

Won't work first time of course , because I guess it's a bit of a habit.

[Katiebel]

HI Dominiconnor

GR8 advice - have tried warning less & doing more - seems to be working - I think you were dead right - I did feel a bit cornered & now I feel like the boss again

Thanks !!