19mth old ds getting 'hard time' at childminder...any advice

(14 Posts)
onebigfreckle Mon 16-Jun-14 21:57:36

My 19mth old ds has been attending a childminder since he was 10 mths old. He has always seemed happy there and I am always happy with the level of care etc.

Lately however, the childminder's ds who is 4, has (in my opinion) been a little bit harsh with my ds. During the morning and evening drop off and collection I have seen him grab his toys from him, squeeze him hard around the middle in a faux hug and today he knocked his feet from under him purposely in the garden.

DS hates all of this, gets extremely agitated, shouts out and looks really cross and frustrated.

Of course I understand that the boy is jealous of DS in his home and that my DS is a visitor there and perhaps an unwanted one, in his eyes at least. I also know (I teach Reception) that he has to learn to get on with it.... but, at 18mths?????

Forgot to mention, aside from an slightly exasperated sigh the c/minder does not discipline her son, at least not while I'm present.

Would really appreciate some advice, thank you.

tomatoplantproject Mon 16-Jun-14 22:01:15

Probably not what you want to hear, but I would move him. I would have no hesitation in putting him in an environment in which he feels safe and secure and happy, and if your childminder is unable to see what is happening and take appropriate actions I would not be able to continue trusting her.

SatansFurryJamHats Mon 16-Jun-14 22:02:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Floggingmolly Mon 16-Jun-14 22:03:20

You can't deliberately put your child in any environment in which he gets a "hard time", for whatever reason. I'd second moving him.

Iswallowedawatermelon Mon 16-Jun-14 22:04:48

Yes move him. You only see a small amount of what happens at pick up and drop offs, so I would take action over what you describe. Not good.

Theresadogonyourballs Mon 16-Jun-14 22:05:03

My ex-CM's child attacked my DD, and she did practically nothing - just a "oh, now that's not nice is it?"
That is why she's now my ex-CM! Look around for someone else, you don't want to be fretting about his safety while you're at work.

RabbitSaysWoof Mon 16-Jun-14 22:08:00

I would move him too. She should fucking say something to the kid not just sigh.

TickleMePurple Mon 16-Jun-14 22:09:21

Sorry to reiterate but definitely move him. The thought of this happening to my darling pfb (also 19mo) makes me so sad. If it's any consolation, we started him at nursery around 18mo and he loves it - also had similar smaller set up from 11mo but it was like that was a stepping stone, you know?

HandbagsandSnotrags Mon 16-Jun-14 22:12:27

Wasbgping to post "get a new child minder" but seems I've been beaten to it.

If he's not happy and CM not dealing with it then I think you have to. If not possible, then you'll have to talk to her about it. Good luck.

Iggly Mon 16-Jun-14 22:15:08

If you as a teacher think he should learn to get on with it then I hope you don't teach my child!

Talk to the CM at the very least.

Marcipex Mon 16-Jun-14 22:25:52

I understand the CM s child is very young and is unwilling to share his mummy. It's a common problem with minders own children. However, if she is just letting him hurt/frustrate your DS EVEN WHEN YOU ARE THERE, what happens the rest of the time?

If she won't address this, find other care. It shows her priorities very plainly imo.

MyLatest Mon 16-Jun-14 22:28:42

Would you allow behaviour like that to go unchecked in your classroom? No, you wouldn't. There's your answer. Why would you settle for poorer treatment for your DS than you would tolerate for other people's children in your classroom?

Time to find a new CM.

RolloRollo Mon 16-Jun-14 22:32:40

Agree with others, move him
If this is what is going on when you are there then I'd assume this is what happens frequently all day long and if CM isn't rushing to correct his behaviour when she knows you are watching, then she won't be when you aren't there

onebigfreckle Mon 16-Jun-14 22:53:47

Thank you so much everybody. I think I just needed to hear what I already knew from somebody else. Of course I wouldn't accept this in my classroom and of course a toddler this age shouldn't have to 'get on' with anything. Ever.

Going to talk to her first thing tomorrow.

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