First time mum to 17 month old need help, i'm a breaking point

[mumcakes]

My DS is 17 months old. I love him more than anything but all I have ever done since the moment I found out I was pregnant is worry. I mean to the point I cry and cry and cry thinking something is always wrong.

I'm worried about him at the moment because he's still not walking! He walks along just holding my finger but won't let go! I'm scared something is wrong although I come from a family of late walkers (15 - 19 months).

Im a stay at home mum so I'm wiht him all day and even though I've heard him say around 20 words (which I think is ok for his age) he doesn't say them regularly i.e. maybe only 4 or 5 of them in one day. But my biggest concern and what I cry about constantly is that most of the day he is silent, he won't talk to me, won't babble, won't play toys and just cries, screams and whines. But as soon as his dad comes on from work he chats away! But only to me! He ignores his daddy or will hit him!

I really need some advice I feel I'm at breaking point. I cry a lot and I broke down in front of my DS yesterday I felt so bad and he came and gave me a cuddle!

I just wish he would chat away to me.

Sorry for the long post

[WestmorlandSausage]

you sound very anxious about this, that is ok but it sounds like you could do with some support and reassurance.

I'm posting in the hope someone better than me comes along and can give you some advice, but in the meantime from me

[ikeaismylocal]

It is so hard being a mum, I too worry constantly, this week I have decided ds must be autistic because he walks on his toes, epileptic because he twitches in his sleep and that he has chicken pox because he has a couple of mosquito bites. Every week I have new worries.

My ds is also 17 months, he has quite a few little friends the same age and the range of walking and talking seems to be huge! There are some that are talking in sentences, some that haven't said any words ever, some who climb to the top of the climbing frame and some who will take a few wobbly steps holding mum or dad's hand. I really believe it mostly evens out in the end and your ds sounds like he is developing normally, I'm really impressed that he gave you a cuddle when you were crying, there is no way my ds would be that emotionally intelligent, he'd probably just Cary on playing.

My ds is funny about his dad, he says "pappa? Pappa!" all day, he pretends to talk to dp on the phone and if ds sees a truck ( dp drives trucks) ds shouts pappa pappa!When dp finally comes home ds runs to me saying mumyyyyy! And refuses to go to dp, it's very odd!

Have you spoken to your hv about your concerns? It might be a good idea to talk to your gp about your worrying, I had some counseling to try to help me deal with my worries regarding ds and it helped me be able to control my feelings although it didn't fully get rid of the worrying.

[ThisFenceIsComfy]

I am too a worrier so I know what you mean. I lurch from one worry to the next. It's quite exhausting.

Your son at 17 months is perfectly on track development wise. 4-5 regular words plus a total vocabulary of 20 is fine. Soon he will have a language leap and will be chatting away.

Do you have anyone to talk to at home? Any friends or family? It might help you to sort through worries.

[Jaffakake]

Do you get out and about? Do you have friends to share with about mum things?

I'm guessing you are probably a natural worrier. One of my NCT friends is a worrier and tbh our friendship is kinda based on her worrying, texting me, me answering & her calming down! I'm fine with that as she's a lovely person, I enjoy spending time with.

It sounds a bit like you're focusing on ds too much. It's so easy with one and especially if you're together all day too. Can you think of something to add a bit of balance to your days?

I'm worried you are crying so much. I'm a bit if a crier, and post-ds I cry more than I used too, probably cos I care more now. But if you're crying way way more than before and for no real reason, I.e. You're crying about things that you wouldn't have done in a million years before, I think you should have a chat with your gp.

[BiscuitMillionaire]

mumcakes, your DS sounds fairly normal for his age. But it sounds like your anxiety is making your life miserable, and it might help to go to the GP about it. Yes all parents worry, but your worrying sounds quite extreme. Cognitive behavioural therapy might help.

[Guin1]

I was never a worrier before I became pregnant, and then about half way through the pregnancy it really kicked in badly - thisfence I can totally relate to you saying that you lurch from one worry to the next and how exhausting it is. I didn't seek professional help until it was really bad, but I wish I had done so sooner. OP, I think you should consider speaking with your gp - it will be so sad if your main memories of DS as a baby/toddler are mostly about how worried you were (this is how I feel about my pregnancy).

Your DS's language development sounds normal, and age of walking is partly genetic, so if your family were late walkers then it is to be expected that your DS would be. My DS is exactly the same as yours in his interactions with his Daddy - asks for him a lot, then ignores him when he's there, although he is much happier if we are both around.

Make sure you're getting enough sleep and hope you're feeling better soon. +

[MexicanSpringtime]

What a shame to spend that wonderful first few years of your child worrying.

Among the most intelligent people I know is my sister who was a late talker and close to genius level and another friend who was a late walker and also close to genius level.

And if your child turned out to be slow, so what? They will need extra help but will not be any the less loveable

Enjoy your child, do. Life is too short to be worrying about tomorrow.

[DIYandEatCake]

If you are crying lots and feeling anxious I agree it may be worth chatting to your gp. Your ds will be picking up on your mood and anything you can do to improve it will be good for him.
You could channel some of your anxiety into giving him experiences that will help him learn about the world around him - go out somewhere with him where you can show him things and play with him and talk to him naturally (somewhere with animals, soft play where he can clamber about, to the supermarket when you're not in a rush and really chat to him in the trolley).
And try listing all the lovely and wonderful things about him - what does he do that makes you smile? Make sure you're giving him lots of positive attention whenever you can. He will learn to walk and talk, try not to worry. Chances are he's getting a bit frustrated too hence the whinging, try to be sympathetic and just help him as much as you can without putting pressure or expectations on him. Hope you feel better soon.

[bevelino]

Mumcakes has your baby had a recent developmental assessment by your health visitor or GP! If not take him to enable them to let you know where he is at.

[ShineSmile]

How is his sleep? Is he having enough food? Is he teething? Just wondering if there's an underlying issue with all the crying and whinging you mention ...