How do you teach a child to be content alone?

[MahoniaJaponica]

My 8yr old step daughter lives 50/50 between parents. At her mother's house she seems to rely on tv, playstation and internet for entertainment, when she is alone. At our house the children don't have bedroom tvs, we have no playstation, and the internet is for supervised use only. We have art and craft materials, games, construction toys, a big garden, and lots of books. She is a good reader and used to read constantly. In the last year though, she has become less and less interested in reading books for herself. More and more interested in American teen movies, make up and "grown up" clothes.
We do spend time doing things with the children, but also want them to have the ability to be happy and occupied, even when alone. Between us my husband & I have 5 children in total (aged 4.5 - 13). they are all able to be alone, except for the child in question. She used to be able to, but can't anymore. Whether it's hormones, confusion over living in two very different houses, low self esteem, or what; it is causing a problem & we don't know how to fix it. I would appreciate any advice on offer.
I know that children are all different, and that they change as they get older. but, the result of her inability to entertain herself is that, often, she goes around from room to room looking for someone to play with or talk to. This is, of course, fine most of the time. With a large family there's usually someone to be with. But if everyone else is busy, or out, she is tearfully, painfully at a loss for what to do.

[eastendgirl]

Just guessing here....Do you think her unwillingness to be alone is the symptom of a bigger problem? In that case you would need to fix the problem. Does she know she is loved by her family? This is what came into my mind reading your post,otherwise I really don't know.

[hermykne]

i would think along the lines of eastend girl too

does she have school frineds that she particular enjoys thier comapny and gets on with?

if she cant or wont participate with all of your children then i would guess a wee protest might be going on sub consciously.

8 year girls would love mothering the smaller ones ? no? or helping you out doing big things.

dose she get time alone with her dad or does he make her feel good about herself , not making her feeling spoilt but boosting her self confidence really.

[SSSandy]

Could she have a simple cassette player with story tapes and music tapes to listen to in her room while she's doing things on her own?

I'm not an expert on 8 year old girls I'm afraid but she sounds a bit lost and lonely. She could take up baking, sewing or knitting and do it a room where you or her dad are without needing your permanent involvement but you do obviously have to put in some time and effort getting her started. Can she not sit in the kitchen with you whilst you're cooking and just do a puzzle at the table or something like that?

If family dynamics mean she really has to be left to herself, simple chess computer? Pet? Is any of that an option?

[MahoniaJaponica]

Her dad reads aloud to her every night, and they spend a good half an hour chatting about the day, and just being with each other. He's always done this, it isn't a reaction to the current situation.

Eastendgirl, I am sure you are right. It is quite likely to be the symptom of a bigger problem. She is shown love, alot of love, and is told that that she's loved, and lovely. She is allowed to help, though generally isn't interested in mothering, as you suggest she might be, Hermykne (i agree that is often the case, but not with dsd). kitchen and garden jobs are what she enjoys, but absolutely only with the attention attached to adult supervision.

I think the bigger problem is that she now lives in a step family, where previously she didn't. We moved in together just over a year ago. Dh & I have been together for three years though and thought we'd done plenty to prepare everyone (his 2dds, age 8 & 13; and my 2dss, 4.5 & 8, and my dd, age 6). No one else in the equation is unhappy like she is. She gets more attention than any of the 5 of them as a result.

[MahoniaJaponica]

SSSandy - thanks for your ideas, but knitting, baking etc are exactly the sort of things we encourage we encourage. She has no staying power on her own, even in the same room. Gets bored and flips from one thing to another. High maintenance, i think you could describe her approach to these activities.

Plesae people don't think she is banished out of sight all the time it isn't like that!

Thanks so much for your help and interest though.

[SSSandy]

oops sorry, wasn't meant to sound like that. I'm crap at putting things across the way I intend to.

Good luck with it. Wish I had some bright ideas but I'm not feeling inspired. Perhaps time will work it's magic? Think step families are always hard work TBH, in particular if you're trying to bring kids up one way and they're experiencing a totally different parenting style in their other home.

[rosemadder]

Thanks, no offence taken! Dh now thinks we should do something like sleeptraining, but with tasks/solo activities getting 5minutes longer each time.

[MahoniaJaponica]

Sorry! Confusion re name. I'm the crap one - am new at this. That's better !!