Bedtime hysterics with mum, angel with dad. Please help!

[choucroutegarnie]

Our 20-month-old is a very happy and sociable little chap, who turns into a screaming, terrified banshee at bedtime -- but only with me!

When his dad puts him to bed, it's 'night, night dada' and off to sleep on his own within 5 minutes. Which is what he used to do always -- until now.

When I put him to bed, he starts screaming as soon as his head hits the mattress. Then he clings to my hands and cries hysterically.

I have tried two 'methods' (if I can call them that):

1. staying next to him, holding his hand and waitnig till he (finally) falls asleep. It's deeply frustrating because in most cases, he looks utterly delighted to have me there, starts chatting and then thinks it's play time. The whole process takes up to an hour. I love him, but I'm not cut out for this long term!
   
   
2. 'controlled crying' (controlled? yeah right). This is what I've been doing for the past week. I do the same sleep routine as I've always done, give him a cuddle, put him to bed, say good night and leave the room. He screams blue murder for at least 10 mins. I really feel I'm damaging him and feel like a complete failure.
   
   Everyone tells me that boys reserve their worst behaviour for their mothers, but I don't find that very helpful.
   
   Has any of you experienced this and succeeded with controlled crying? If so, do you think I should ask his dad not to put him to bed for a week or so? I'm wondering whether we are confusing him by alternating -- one (blissful) bedtime with dad, followed by one (traumatic) with me...
   
   Any tips MUCH appreciated! Thank you.

[juuule]

If it was me I would let dad put him to bed every night until this phase passed.

"Everyone tells me that boys reserve their worst behaviour for their mothers, but I don't find that very helpful."<
I don't think it's true either. Some of my girls have done this for a while. As with most things I've found that it passes with time.

[choucroutegarnie]

Thanks Juuule can i ask what you did with your girls?

[Bills]

Hi choucroutegarnie -
we did gradual withdrawal with dd, you know, sitting further and further away from the bed until you're in the doorway, then outside the door... Leaving ds to cry may actually make the situation worse. It doesn't work for all children. Some can begin to feel abandoned and will become hysterical at bedtime... although I don't think this is the case with your ds as obviously he's fine with dad. Have you just gone back to work, or has ds just started at pre-school or something? It could be he's going through a bit of a clingy phase with you if there has been some change in his routine with you.

[Nemo1977]

normal..my ds was like this but the other way around..completely refused to co operate for dh going to bed and screamed the whole time. It stopped mainly when we had dd as he didnt have a choice in the matter. Now he is not bothered who puts him to bed.

[JD1981]

i have a 13 month old girl she is very happy and smiley most of the time but i have problems putting her to sleep she would go down fine until she got to around 9 months then she just refused to sleep i found the only way to get her to sleep would be to hold her while giving her a bottle then when she has finished it she starts to fall asleep the i give her a comfort blanket and put her down in the cot when she nodds off this some times works and sometimes she just wriggles free so i put her in the cot but she wont sleep this can go on for ages any ideas

[JD1981]

my 1year old has started to refuse food i have tryed lots of diffrent food but too mouthfulls of any thing and she turns her head and pushes it away or throws it on the floor she is a bit under waight for her age
any tips would be great