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Behaviour/development

Temper Tantrums

8 replies

givemecaffeine21 · 11/05/2014 19:29

I've got two LOs, DD is 22 months and DS is 11 months. I'm entering tantrum territory but ironically with my 11 month old, not my 22 month old! He's had a bad temper from birth unfortunately which is the total opposite of DD who, whilst strong willed, is very easy going most of the time and you could take her anywhere comfortable in the knowledge she'd behave amazingly. I'm at a loss with him as nothing will stop him or distract him, if you hold him he carries on screaming in your face, if you try to distract with a toy he'll throw it, and he'll keep screaming until he's hoarse. Not a bloody clue what to do as the last two have been 45 minutes long!! Distraction and comfort don't work so I've tried putting him down somewhere safe but it's excruciating as he doesn't seem to stop. He screams A LOT generally - for example DD will have a toy or book and he'll try to take it, she'll turn away, and he'll keep pursuing her screaming trying to take it. In the past she's just given him things to stop him screaming but lately she's got a bit tougher.

My question is, what age did your LO start tantrumming, what is their tantrum 'style' I.e. Breath holding / hitting / screaming etc, and how do / did you handle it?

For any really early tantrummers who would not be held or distracted, what was your strategy?

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purplemurple1 · 11/05/2014 20:16

Only had one 'tantrum' so far (7 months) I left him to it in a safe place. He wanted to pull my hair which obviously wasn't going to happen, he threw his toy and then bit me as hard as he could in a frustrated way (thankfully he is a late teether).

It only lasted seconds and of course there is no discipline time out when they are so young so as soon as he was calm we just carried on with what we were doing.

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Wolfiefan · 11/05/2014 20:18

Put somewhere safe and walk away!
Ignore! Ignore! Ignore!

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hotcrosshunny · 11/05/2014 20:24

He's 11 months old. He certainly won't be doing it manipulatively. Tantrums are when kids are completely overwhelmed and cannot compute.

Does he get decent naps?

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givemecaffeine21 · 11/05/2014 21:13

Yep - 12 hours at night and 2-2.5 hours in the day, loads of stimulation and socialisation, he eats brilliantly etc. I've got him in a strong routine as with 2 under 2 it's very necessary for all our sakes. There are no tears, it's just full on screaming which he won't stop. Sometimes he goes purple with anger and literally shakes his fists if something is frustrating him I.e. Me handing his sister a drink before I've got him his.

I'm not saying it's manipulation, I just don't know what to do about them giving holding / distraction don't work. He's been showing a fierce temper since birth and recently he pinches / hits if you're trying to do something he doesn't like I.e. Changing his nappy / putting him in his Grobag. My sister took her shoe back from him the other day so that she could put it on to leave and he pretty much snarled at her!

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MiaowTheCat · 11/05/2014 22:16

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givemecaffeine21 · 12/05/2014 08:37

Thank you Miaow - that sounds like really good advice. I particularly like the idea of doing something 'really fun' with one so the other is distracted enough to stop wailing....will employ this tactic! It is hard as my hands are so full and when DS is turning everything into a war it's very tough. He always screams, flails and tries to get away when I'm changing his pooey nappy and I'm thinking 'why are YOU screaming? I'm the one covered in poo!'.

What does worry me is if he's starting this young what on earth are we in for over the next 2 years!

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MiaowTheCat · 12/05/2014 12:03

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givemecaffeine21 · 12/05/2014 13:08

Good idea ref the keys! You've got a few months more practice than me clearly as these ideas are all great! I give DS a toy, he throws it...and repeat....unless it's wet wipes, which have a slightly longer lifespan. Luckily DD is very bright and chats non-stop, understands everything say and follows out fairly complex instructions...she also enjoys tidying up, telling DS off when he's making a mess, and fetching him toys when he's grizzling...so it's not all bad by any stretch! But then all my friends with one of each did tell me having a boy was a very different kettle of fish, he competes with his dad for who can be the most unwell and whiny, whilst DD and I take our respective medication (calpol / ibroprofen/ alcohol) and get on with it!