Need help getting 5.8 year old DS to school

[Babieseverywhere]

I have four children, three are very well behaved and my 5.8 year oldDS doesn't want to go to school.

I leave breakfast out for the children and when I stand over him, he will get dressed slowly.

The problem is in sections..

1. Getting him out of the house as he hides and/or drops to the floor
   
2. Getting him walking once outside...we vary between slower than a slug or running out of sight. (He has no sense of danger and needs to be controlled near the road)
   
3. Once in the playground I need to get him into the building. Without dragging him by his armpits.
   

Please note. I can not use reins, as he drops to the floor and refuses to walk. I can at a pinch put him into the double pram but he understandably shouts louder and gets more upset.

School say there is no problem in school and he is well behaved once in school.

All suggestions welcome, to make the journey less hellish.

[Babieseverywhere]

Bump

[deepinthewoods]

Does your have additional needs?

[Babieseverywhere]

No. He is being badly behaved with no underlying issues.

[deepinthewoods]

He sounds an unhappy boy. Is there a problem with school? Other pupils? have you spoken to him and his teacher?

I am amazed you would consider a pram or reins for a nearly 6 year old. It's far from ideal.

[Babieseverywhere]

Teachers say he has friends and is happy and well behaved. I gave never seen evidence of a friend, we get no party invites or play dates.

Teachers also suggested it was my bad parenting behavioural.

I had only got him off reins at end of Reception.

Child development lady told me today, no issue with using reins or pram, and could offer no suggestion to get him happily to school...without dragging him screaming I hate school and crying...just a normal badly behaved kid.

[Geraldthegiraffe]

Oh poor lad. He sounds very unhappy about school rather than naughty.

[deepinthewoods]

".just a normal badly behaved kid" I don't agree with that.

Kids don't behave like this for no reason.
He sounds unhappy.

[callamia]

Most 'naughty' behaviour is about communicating something. I would be concerned that he doesn't like school, and might be having a problem with the other children. Can he tell you about other children he plays with? Can he tell you what he likes doing at school? Is there anything positive that he thinks about it? Do you try to arrange playdates etc? Sorry for the question barrage - I'm just not convinced that this is him being 'naughty'.

[Babieseverywhere]

He doesn't tell me anything about school. He mainly talks at me about Minecraft and is nearly impossible to divert to another topic.

All I get about school is that he hates it, it us boring.

Tried play dates. He either hides under the table or plays on computer and completely ignored visiting child..despite my encouragement to interact. The visiting child ends up playing with one of his sisters.

[Babieseverywhere]

Positive things at school are lunch, climbing frame, golden time on computer.

[Babieseverywhere]

I think/thought he is unhappy at school but having talked to a HV, two TA's, two teachers, deputy head, Senco, doctor, lady at Comm paed clinic and DH.....who all agree I am a bad parent who can't get him to school in a happy state and he is happy at school with million of invisible friends.

[outtolunchagain]

Is he the eldest and the only one of your children at school, could it be that he is just jealous of the fact that his siblings are at home with you ?

I know its hard (have been there ) but I would really try to limit the minecraft time , I found it was seriously addictive for my ds3.

Have you tried positive incentives for getting into school, could you use minecraft?If he walks into school independently for example he gets to play on the computer ?

[deepinthewoods]

Were you really told you are a bad parent?

[Babieseverywhere]

I was told he is a normal child with bad behaviour...which I am translating as being a bad parent.

He is no 2 of 4 in the family position. Plus two sisters go to school with him. He is meant to earn ten minutes screen time if he walks nicely. He normally gets a star for walking home well and one star for a good school day. He never earns the morning star.

Maybe we should swap it to, Minecraft time for a good morning run and forget the rest of the day.

[Babieseverywhere]

He doesn't play Minecraft, he watches youTubevideos of other people playing Minecraft, he knows everything about everything past and present which is Minecraft related, bless him.

[CharlesRyder]

I would say no minecraft at all (playing or watching) unless the morning is trouble free IF you are certain there are no underlying issues. I would use a visual tick sheet for tasks he must complete independently in the morning (dress, teeth, eat, walk close to mum, walk in to school) and let him tick them off himself.

Can you get another adult's help in the morning for a while in case he resists? They can calmly get on with getting the others to school while you 'ignore' his protests (which I'm thinking will make you late) and then follow through with no minecraft. Maybe get the school on side first so they will know why he is late.

Does he have problems with any other transitions?

[Babieseverywhere]

Good idea, I am going to get a quote from the local childminder and see how much she would charge to walk my two oldest girls to school.

He has trouble with all transitions or changes to agreed daily timetable. I have to give 5 minute, 1 minute and now warnings of any change in activity, else he meltsdown.

Though I guess I should stop doing this too, seeing as he is just badly behaved and shouldn't need all this extra warning of changes or should I ?

[CharlesRyder]

Do you suspect there are underlying issues even though school have said there are not?

If so you can go to your GP and explain all the difficulties in detail and request a referral. Lots of children 'hold it together' at school and then express the consequences of the overload at home.

[Babieseverywhere]

I did all that (gp, referal, waiting list) and that resulted in today's meeting, when I was told my concerns (all 18 pages worth not that they read them) were baseless and it was just behavioural....hence this post.

Even though I am wrong with my concerns, I still need to get DS to school.

Think I will go with no computer time until after tea and only if school run was done happily.

I suspect there will be a lot of screaming in my future, but he will become well behaved, if it kills me.

[Andro]

He has trouble with all transitions or changes to agreed daily timetable. I have to give 5 minute, 1 minute and now warnings of any change in activity, else he meltsdown.

That's raising flags for me...and it's entirely possible that school isn't seeing any of it. This plus obsessive behaviours would make me question the presence of underlying issues. Re-posting in SN children might be useful for you.

[Babieseverywhere]

I have done all that, posting on SN board (very supportive lovely people) and getting referal.

The lady I saw yesterday, told me talking Minecraft 24/7 was normal. Dragging a child into a child was normal and he had no worrying traits.

So I have to learn to be super strict an see if I can make him act like the other kids. Sigh, not looking forward to Monday school run.

[Babieseverywhere]

Dragging a child into school

[RandomMess]

Just a parent here no expert, sounds like underlying issues to me - even if just mild ones.

Could doing marbles in a jar work well as an immediate visual reward that will result in him getting a reward that he wants.

so every items of clothing put on willing is a marble, eating breakfast a marble, leaving the house marble, good walking marble, going into school well marble.Gets all his marbles gets a sticker saying "I can have xyz when I get home today". That type of thing?

Perhaps the issue is that you manage his behaviour well enough that there aren't more "issues" with him than there otherwise would be?

Certainly one of the dc at our school had ASD despite his impecable behaviour at school - saved it all for home!

[Babieseverywhere]

Mixed results this morning. In the house he cried, refused to get dressed (then gave in common result) Shouted that he hated school and rolled around sofa and floor.

I picked him up and had a 20 minute chat, explaining I can't help make school better unless he tells me what specifically is wrong and then I can address these concerns with the teacher. He shouted everything and I told him unless he tells me or the teachers what the problem is we can't help. He said the teachers would get angry with him, if he told them (doubt it they seem nice)

I said that tonight we would write a list together that I will show the school.
I am going to draw a quick emotion chart in crayon this afternoon and see if that might help pinpoint an issue, if there is one.

Then off to school. Took threatening no Minecraft to get him out of the house and hiding in the garden. A mother was waiting for us unexpectedly at bottom of road. I hoped she would move on, nice lady, but school runs are hard enough, without having to make small talk as well. She waited so we walked together :(

DS ran ahead, cried a bit but I was very happy with the getting to school bit.

Once at school door. He ran into classroom are throwing coat at peg and refused to speak to me or take his bag and water bottle. I put them on the side. Teacher tried to help by stressing how normal he was, just like her boys. I muttered something I hope was polite. ..she meant well but I suspect if I had turned around and said "really your kids kicks, hits, refuses to get dressed and often has to be manually dragged out of he house and into school"...she might of thought differently...but no one understand how hard things are for me at the moment. :(

I think this is classed as a fairly good school Run. Let's see what happens tomorrow/this afternoon.

[LastingLight]

The problem with Minecraft as a reward after school for good behaviour before school is that those two times are very far apart when you're 5. I agree with the marble jar idea - that way there is an immediate reward for good behaviour and you can say when he has 5 marbles he can play/watch Minecraft for x minutes.