Nana's boy (we co-habit)(8 Posts)
Not sure how much of a 'problem' this is but it upset me this morning for some reason.
I live with my 20 month old DS, my DP and my Dmum. We all get on brilliantly and have no problems, it all works well.
The only thing is, my little boy is utterly besotted with my DM (and she with he!). From when he wakes up to when he is put down, all he wants is nana. This morning he went into a total meltdown because nana was in the shower when he woke up.
Now I can understand this...his nana is very soft with him and has all the time in the world for him. Picks him up whenever he wants her too (myself and DP do not do this so much) and gives in to his demands. She tries not to but always ends up giving in. Which is the GP's prerogative, I know this, but when we live in the same house it becomes problematic!
My DM works full time, and I can see his constant "nana! nana! nana! nana!" is tiring for her. He wakes up and will not stop screaming until he sees his nana. He is an early riser and now its got to the point that she never has a lie in. I feel sorry for her and I am also feeling quite rejected by my little boy .
Sorry its turned into a bit of a rant, not sure if there are any solutions here but thought I would post to see if anyone comes along with some MN pearls of wisdom
If it's upsetting you and not working for your dm either, I would ask your dm to step back a bit. When he goes to her, get her to tell him to come to you. At the same time you should step forward, pick him up more, play with him more and just generally give him more of your time and attention. The more fun you have with him, the more he is going to want to be with you.
hello Koothrapanties thanks for replying
whenever my DM has consciously taken a step back (this has been done a few times), and for example, not picked up my DS when he wanted, things escalate and when I go to him he gets even worse.
My DM has tried closing her bedroom door so that he will stay in the sitting room with his father and I, but he will simply stand and scream crying at her door until she opens it. It just seems cruel to keep him from her for no "good" reason.
I play with him a lot, we build dens and play garages with his cars and take impromptu baths and play jumping off the sofa onto cushions and go in the garden / park / swimming etc etc etc - I work part time so get to spend 3 days with him on my own. Maybe he is bored of me!!
I know there isn't a magic solution - but I wish there was
I suppose he won't be a toddler for long and I should be glad he has such a loving relationship with his nana.
He is not bored with you! I lived with my mum and dad until my DD was 2. When we were in our own place, she would cry at bedtime for Gramps. A couple of times a week I got her up, put her in the car and took her there - I was a single mum. I did this because I didn't want her to think she couldn't get her own needs satisfied! but as we grow up, we all gradually learn that we can't always get all our needs satisfied instantly! (Well maybe some of us are still struggling with that! Whoops, do I mean myself!?)
It's possible that your boy is starting the 'terrible two's. At 20 months he is much too young to understand that nana needs her own space sometimes.
Maybe you could try warning him that nana is going to have a shower now. Nana is having her sleepy time, we are going to the park, we''l see nana again later, or whatever suits your family.
The thing is, your son has got a wonderful extended family. Mums and Dad's kind of have to be the boundary setting ones, Nanas are there to spoil, in a way. He'll work it out, he is still very young, just a baby really.
This is going to sound very harsh, sorry, but I do mean to be helpful!
So basically: you deny him what he wants, he throws a tantrum, you give him what he wants?
You know as well as anyone that that's not going to end well. Say no, and mean it. Let him tantrum a bit if he must, it won't hurt him.
You have my sympathies, my dd was obsessed with her nan for a long time, still is but to a much lesser extent, and it really upset me at the time. In reality unfortunately, there's nowt you can do about it but tough it out and try not to let it get you down. It's no reflection on their feelings for you or your parenting versus your mum's, they just go through these phases.
Your DS is too little to understand why he can't go to the person he chooses, and trying to stop him will only lead to more misery - as it did in our house when we tried, and failed, to tackle it. Just enjoy the peace and quiet while you have it, and go easy on yourself and your DS. Try not to create a battleground over it, it'll pass in time.
Sorry if that's not the answer you wanted!
Thanks all for your replies, I had lost this thread for a while
Things are much better now. We didn't make any drastic changes but he's grown up a bit now and doesn't hanker after nana quite so much. I think she's a bit put out!
And I can assure you, tantrums get him absolutely nowhere with me or his father. It's his nana that would give in. It would seem rather cruel and pointless to shut her door on him, when he was well aware she was in there.
Anyway, all is good now. Just a phase it would seem. Thanks for all your replies.
Oh, completely missed the date of your OP! D'oh!
Glad all is better now. Can't think of the right way to say anything right now, what with it being HALF FIVE IN THE FUCKING MORNING <glares at baby> but I'm glad to hear about your stance on the tantrumming issue. It did sound as if Nana needed to harden her heart a little, especially as she was the one finding your DS's clinginess hard to deal with.
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