Settling with childminder success stories please

(13 Posts)
nervy555 Sat 03-May-14 08:45:09

That's it really. My 10mo ds is struggling. He spends hours hysterically screaming. I'm back at work soo so he has to settle.

Really hoping some of you can share stories of similar struggles that worked themselves out- or share what you did to help. I'm very happy with the cm and ds definitely likes her- he also does get left with his dad and gparents regularly.

TIA

nervy555 Sun 04-May-14 07:51:36

Bump...

nervy555 Sun 04-May-14 14:45:41

Perhaps I'm being very impatient but have also posted in childcare.

drspouse Sun 04-May-14 14:50:50

How are you doing it? Starting with a short session, or with nipping round the corner, or with a full day/half day? Walking straight out, waiting for him to be distracted, or giving him to CM to cuddle? How is the CM suggesting you handle it?

nervy555 Sun 04-May-14 15:42:48

Short sessions 3 hours ish and trying to build in the different activities he'll be doing eg school run. I've left him with a kiss and a wave while he plays and he's ok for anything up to an hour but then gets very upset. The most recent visit was the worst. Next one won't be for a few weeks for one reason amd another. He will be with her sometimes for 8hours so I'm really anxious.

Doingeverythingican Sun 04-May-14 15:47:26

Maybe try shorter settling in sessions? Say 30mins so that u get him before he gets upset? So that he doesn't make a negative association with her/ being left?

I'm only suggesting that because that has been suggested to me I have a very clingy DS (8mo) and will start settling in next week to prepare for my dreaded return to work!
My CM did prepare me for the worst she says some babies take a couple of Weeks to get used to the idea?

nervy555 Sun 04-May-14 15:57:32

Thanks Doing. Hope yours goes well. Will try leaving for shorter lengths of time.
Fingers crossed.

teacher54321 Sun 04-May-14 21:53:35

I went back to work when DS was 11mo and he started settling in at 10mo. And it was hideous. Absolutely awful! He wouldn't eat, wouldn't drink his milk, wouldn't sleep, would just cry! It gradually got better and now he has been going for a year and he adores it smile he still wails when I leave him (he's just two) but is fine within minutes. We did lots of settling sessions and I always leave him with a kiss and a cuddle. It will get better x

RedHatNoDrawers Sun 04-May-14 22:03:52

3 hours seems very long for settling in to me? Ds2 is ultra clingy, wouldn't be put down, would drink from a cup or bottle, wouldn't really eat. At 8m I was panicking that he would not be able to go to a cm at all. His first settling in was half an hour with me there. Then half an hour with me there and half an hour without, then she came to ours, then an hour at hers, then a couple of hours at hers. This was at 10m btw, over a couple of weeks, then he started with her 3 days a week at 10.5m. The first few weeks he cried a lot at drop off and pick up but now 5 weeks in he only cried at pick up. Well that and when ever he can't see either me or the cm grin

It does take time , but I think you should also start to be able to see a bond developing even through the tears and if there isn't it maybe time to look for someone else. They can be the best cm on paper but that's no good if they are not right for your child.

RedHatNoDrawers Sun 04-May-14 22:06:15

Oh and the first two weeks he was there properly he didn't really sleep or eat much and I knew he had settled when she reported a 2.5 hour nap as he's a mammoth sleeper at home.

drspouse Sun 04-May-14 22:19:56

We settled DS at about the same age in nursery, and it was me there 20 mins then 20 minutes on his own the first day, come back in and repeat. I'd be doing much, much shorter too.

nervy555 Mon 05-May-14 20:27:53

Thank you!

Burren Wed 07-May-14 09:24:09

Can you do sessions more regularly? I think a gap of several weeks isn't ideal, as a child of that age's memory is so short. My son went to his childminder at 10 months, and I took him daily or every second day for short periods, and extended them gradually.

Two things that worked for us/struck me - the first day I left him there for long enough to eat lunch with the other children and have his after-lunch nap was the first day he was genuinely 'settled'. It was the childminder's suggestion, and it worked. The other thing that struck me was that the only child I have seen who didn't settle at all, and whose parents subsequently withdrew him, was a little boy who didn't attend regularly. I think the idea was that he was only going to be there one day a week, but he missed a few, and I think the sessions were just too far apart for him to feel secure.

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