I felt heartbroken today when a friend of my 8yo DS came up to me and said, "my mum says Ryan is really naughty."
I was rather proud of myself. Instead of insulting his mother (though the air in my head turned a rather lovely azure colour), I grinned at him, and replied, "yeah, he can be, but who isn't every now and again?"
Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to go on a huge rant about how my child is wonderful and amazing and could never do any wrong. He is wonderful. He is amazing. He is also one of the cheekiest, most mischievous little blighters that has ever walked the earth, and I love him for it. He pushes the boundaries of authority, granted, but I don't want to raise a 'yes man', I want to raise a son who is capable of independent thought, who isn't afraid to take initiative. I want to raise a son who has the ability to be a leader in his own right, rather than someone who does and thinks what he is told to. There are certain skills that he is struggling with, such as completing a list of tasks, and knowing when to curb his enthusiasm for (literally) everything, but I am working with the school to address these issues, which may of may not be simplified by judgemental mothers badmouthing my son to their children.
I'm of the opinion that a perfectly behaved child would be perfectly dull, and the little episodes of mindless chaos and devastation are what keeps me, as a mum, on my toes. However, I'm also of the opinion that, as a mum, I am to butt out of my son's friendships unless there's tears or bloodshed. It's not my place to push my options of others onto him; he needs to learn to choose his own friends wisely, and that ability only comes through trial and error.
The comment hurt, though. Especially as, not that long ago, my son had spent nearly 30 minutes hugging this boy, sharing his sweets with him and consoling him as his mum had broken the news that she and his father were splitting up. DS isn't perfect, but he is a kind, generous, sweet child. He doesn't bully, and he isnt violent. He loves his friends wholeheartedly, and has been in tears a lot recently as none of them have wanted to play with him and started to call him names. It makes me wonder if this boy's mum has said she doesn't want him to play with DS, and other children have just followed suit.
Maybe I'm being overly sensitive, and making connections where there are none to be made. Do you tell your children their friends are naughty/bad? Am I being overly sensitive and defensive?
I'm off for some much-needed chocolate *waves goodbye to diet
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A rant of epic length (apologies)
35 replies
RyRysmum · 24/04/2014 19:04
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