DS Behaviour at Preschool

[MyAngels]

My DS (4.5) plays with 2 other boys at preschool and they are regularly getting into trouble, and being separated, leading DS to be sent into the next door class (there are 2 morning classes at this school based preschool).

The 3 boys are not a good influence on each other, particularly one who hits other children, likes to play "killing" games. DS is by no means an angel, is quite defiant and often telling the teacher No! when asked to do something. They had set up a strategy for this which had been working (rewarding him when he complied with a request), but lately its the three boys together which seem to be the problem.

DH does the morning drop off, and the childminder the pick up, so I'm not there to speak to the teacher, and we don't always get a reason for being sent next door. As I'm not there, I can't see how the teacher is handling it, and am reluctant to be seen to be telling her how to do her job if I offered a suggestion.

Any ideas for how to handle this? I don't want DS to get tarred as badly behaved (as the defiance had been improving). The boys will start reception in September - I'm hoping (expecting?) the school to put them separately in each of the three intake classes, but don't know that yet.

Any insights or similar experiences would be helpful x

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

It would be a really good idea if you and/or Dh can arrange time to talk to DS's teacher asap. The teacher clearly has had some concerns and while she won't discuss other individual pupils, presumably she will have some experience in handling this type of thing. It's often difficult to do this during a working week but teachers don't have time to talk in-depth to parents at Parents' evening once or twice a school year.

Oh just saw this is Pre-school. Well, I think as you have concerns, the same applies. Obviously when DS does start school, you can't guarantee the same boys won't be in his class. So talking over strategies now will be helpful. If the staff are good they won't see it as you trying to tell them their job. It is part of their job to deal with all sorts of behaviour, after all.

Some children take longer to mature. Pre-school is pretty tiring, could you bring his bedtime forward, even just 20/30 minutes? At this age he's still testing boundaries (yada yada yada) and the two boys in his friendship group might prefer to 'communicate' by being aggressive and bolshie.

On the bright side DS isn't picking on other DCs is he, and I'm sure you do all the "play nicely, take turns, be kind to the rest" stuff at home. Keep up praise and hugs for when he obeys promptly at home. He will settle in time, and in the meantime be thick-skinned, show the teacher you want to work with her, I promise plenty of other parents fret about their 'naughty' DCs too.

[hotcrosshunny]

Why not permanently keep them in different classes?