ODD diagnosis, looking for support from parents in similar position

(8 Posts)
tulipswouldbenice Tue 22-Apr-14 11:58:10

Hi, my son is soon to diagnosed with Oppositional Defiance Disorder. I'm struggling with it all, him being labelled, how to keep helping him when he pushes and pushes, husband (and mother in laws) attitude. Etc!! Just need someone to off load to, and support them in return, who understands. Trying not to keep blaming myself, my other two are well adjusted, I've read books, done the parenting courses, got the t-shirts. Arghh! Sorry that other people may be going through this, but look forward to hearing from you all the same. Thanks.

Swansinflight Tue 22-Apr-14 12:57:47

Hi there

I don't have a child with ODD but I do have an 8 year old DS with attachment difficulties, ? ASD and very difficult behaviour.

Also have a DD who is (generally) well behaved!

You might find it helpful to come over to the special needs chat board - lots of posters there with experience of managing very difficult behaviour. How old is DS?

A lot of us like the Ross Greene book 'the Explosive Child'. Very useful if you have an oppositional one - emphasis on getting your expectations met and avoiding clashes by talking about and solving situations of conflict before they happen. Worth a look.

All the best.

sausagesandplantsandgoldfish Tue 22-Apr-14 14:03:51

Not me - but my best friend's DD (8) is suspected of having ODD - she hasn't been officially diagnosed as yet but shows all the signs. They too are waiting for the psychologist to come back to them with diagnosis.

My friend also has the same worries about her DD being "labelled". It is totally understandable, but in a sense, I think she (and everyone around her) will be relieved when finally she knows what it is that is causing her DD's behaviour and can take steps towards helping her.

You say you have 2 other children who are well adjusted – this is proof in itself that you are in no way a bad parent and are definitely not to blame. It is a medical condition, and by the sounds of it you have tried everything in your power to help her. I am glad you have gone down the medical route and not just buried your head in the sand. It’s the right thing to do for her, you, and your family as a whole. How old are your DCs? Are your other DCs old enough to understand what is happening – will they be able to help in any way? Could you explain to them what is happening and give them specific instructions on what is the best way to deal with their brother?

I am sorry to hear you don't have the support you need in your DH and MIL. Have you tried speaking to him about it? If he really isn't willing to contribute to helping you then I am afraid you may just have to go it alone. Put all your energy into helping your child, and don't get bogged down in arguing with your DH and MIL. Do it for your child, he will thank you for it when he is old enough. And MN is a great support network if you have no one in RL to talk to (do you have anyone you can talk to?)

You are on the right road and with the right help you can look towards making your child’s life more balanced and happy.

I believe that ODD is not treatable with medicine, and so you will have to learn different strategies and skills in how to deal with day to day life. Will the doctor refer you to someone who can give you tips and tricks in how to deal with the daily slog?

I really wish you all the best. I know how difficult it has been for my friend and I wish you luck in the future thanks

Bonkerz Tue 22-Apr-14 14:07:31

Hi. I have a son with a diagnosis of ODD. He was given this diagnosis back in 2007 and after reading up about it I forced cahms to further assess as my understanding is ODD tends to be co morbid (exists with other things). After further testing ds was diagnosed as autistic so now has a string of letters after his name (ODD, ASD and ADHD to name but a few)
Sometimes it's very clear when his ODD is causing more difficulty than the autism. It's horrid.

Kleinzeit Tue 22-Apr-14 16:57:16

My DS doesn’t officially have ODD, officially he has Asperger’s, but the best description of his behaviour was in “The Explosive Child” book which is mainly about ODD. And the strategies in that book really worked for us.

It’s really difficult if your inlaws and your husband don’t accept that your DS has this problem. Fingers crossed that in time they’ll adjust and be more of a help. And you might also find support on MumsNet Special Needs - Children.

Upandatem Tue 22-Apr-14 17:04:52

I'd look at PDA and Schramm on anxiety and control.

tulipswouldbenice Sat 10-May-14 10:39:30

So sorry for the delayed reply, that's what comes of having a child with ODD - not much time to sit and do these things!! Thanks so much for the replies, all useful. I'm currently reading 10 days to a less defiant child by Jeff Bernstein. Would highly recommend. Thanks again smile

BobPatandIgglePiggle Sat 10-May-14 10:49:53

I teach a boy who has an ODD diagnosis. He also has ADHD

He's a challenge but can also be charming, has a fantastic sense of humour and is very bright.

He has full time one to one support (in college - he's 17)

He's at his most calm when challenged - I teach maths and always give him a high level challenge / puzzles immediately after he's finished a task. He checks when I walk through the door that I have this for him.

Last week he stayed in class without asking for a break for the whole session.he hadn't realised he'd done it! Unheard of and I was really chuffed - and told him so. He rang his mam to tell her!

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