Concerned about 3yo

[HamAlive]

As time goes on I am more and more convinced that something isn't quite right with DS1 (3.2). The main thing is his reaction to going to new places and to people. A few examples from recent weeks:

• I took him to a play café. It had a nice big play space - not soft play but toy kitchen, dressing up, big fire engine to sit in etc. We got in the door and he froze, stuck to me, wouldn't play or leave my side. Then he slowly walked over to toy kitchen and stood there with his head down, wouldn't look at anyone. A baby toddled near him and he pushed her away/over. I don't know how but he ended up having what I describe as a meltdown - the noise he nakes is indescribable, there us no reaching him. I managed to get us and newborn DS2 out of there but the meltdown continued. I tried to pick him up and he went even more frantic. He is freakishly strong and I struggled to hold onto him writhing. As soon as we got hom he was fine.
  

• We stayed in a hotel this weekend. Upon arrival in the car park he promptly refused to get out of the car, refused to look at us or talk to us, wouldn't respond, then lashed out when we took him out of the car. He had a meltdown on the floor, again there was no reaching him. DH had to pick him up which was met with more unholy screaming and writhing. We got to our room and the meltdown continued.
  

• I have to do lots of "prep" with him before we do anything new. I had to get his passport photo done and this involved showing him various people's passports, talking about what would happen and what he would have to do. Same for a wedding we went to. If I don't, he will melt down.
  

He hates people getting close to him and will push them away. He has very set ideas about how things should go, so if we are playing, he will tell me exactly what to say/do and if I don't, he will get angry. Changes to his routine do not go down well.

He is constantly on the move and rarely stays still, always making noises/faces and moving various limbs. He climbs absolutely everything. He doesn't respond well, even if we are right in front of him and prodding him, he seems to be in his own world. If people (even ones he knows well) talk to him he will look away and refuse to look at them or respond. He freaks out if he gets stuff on his hands.

He hates singing. He will put his hands over my mouth if I sing. If I take him to a group that does singing at the end he will hide his face, cover my mouth and cry.

People keep telling me it's normal 3yo behaviour but the strength of his reactions worries me on a daily basis. He seems to be getting wirse and I'm exhausted and clueless. Is this normal?

[itiswhatitiswhatitis]

I generally go with the notion that if you are concerned then it is worth speaking to your GP.

Does your son go to pre school or nursery? If so does he exhibit these behaviours there?

It sounds like he does have difficulty with change and possibly sensory issues if he has a strong reaction to noises or touching things/stuff on his hands.

Your are obviously worried so I do think you should talk it over with your gp

[Smartiepants79]

Well I'm not sure who is telling you this is normal behaviour for a 3yr old.
It is not, in my experience.
I am not an expert and have no direct experience but much of what you discribe rings ASD alarm bells for me.
I think you need some professional help.
Does he go to nursery or preschool at all?
It sounds exhausting.
I would suggest a trip to your GP.
I would also suggest you repost this on the special needs chat page. There are many people over there who could give you a more knowledgable answer and some excellent advice.

[HamAlive]

He has been going to nursery and a childminder for a couple of years. He was much more himself at yhe cm, and was quite aggressive with other children on several occasions. At both, he much preferred playing alone. However when I spoke to them, neither expressed any concerns with him. The cm has recently stopped childminding and that change has been incredibly hard on him. He definitely finds change very hard.

I've read a few threads on here about DC with ASD and there are behaviours listed that are DS to a tee but I never knew were related to ASD. He manages ok day to day I guess. He does have normal toddler tantrums but the meltdowns are on another scale. I have a video of the noise after one meltdown over putting a coat on. Dressing is a major battle.

Thank you for the advice, I will give the gp a call and perhaps repost on SN topic.