a high needs, very tetchy and fussy 1 year old, wearing me out please help[!

(35 Posts)
NessaWH123 Fri 11-Apr-14 08:51:03

Hi can anyone help please as i am really starting to feel fed up. My 13 month old is a high needs and very fussy baby. He is very tetchy, easily upset alot of the day over everything....e.g putting on is nappy, changing his clothes, sitting in a highchair, carseat, gets fed up and kicks off when the pram stops moving when we are out...ofte crying, whining, creating over most things...bit like jekyll and hyde as you never know when he will snap next. I feel we try so hard and follow all advise given but he hasnt changed and has been like this since he was born. It is wearing me out and quite soul destroying as i just want him to be happy. He gets plenty of sleep so it isnt this. He doesent like very busy places, like soft play places, often getting upset in them. Is all this normal?Can some babies just be like this? I worry there are underlying medical issues but i have been to the doc and consultant and they have no advise! Is there anymore i can dio to help? I just want us all to be happy. I try giving attention, ignoring the regular strops, distracting him, walking away, getting ouit and about as much as possible, making sure he has enough sleep etc....please can anyone help. Thanks.

slightlyconfused85 Sat 12-Apr-14 14:13:23

Art I used to swear blind I'd never have another baby as my DD was so grumpy and high needs. I even tried to make my DP promise he'd get a vasectomy! However, now she is 17months we are just starting to talk about trying for number two this summer. Things change so quickly don't promise yourself anything!

Leaningtoweroflisa Sat 12-Apr-14 17:24:48

Things started getting better from 8 months, when he started crawling. That was the biggest single thing, other changes have been more gradual. Eg eating is still quite a battle but he started nursery age 11 months and he eats brill there so that helped as it put my mind at rest that he was at least eating well there wink. Sleeping - we caved and have been co-sleeping for the past 6 -7 months, it works as he now sleeps more or less all night most nights, so we are all better for it, rather than fighting to get him to sleep in is own bed in his own room. We are going to try him n a bed soon, he hated his cot passionately!

He is 2 1/2 now, still very much ticks a lot of the high needs stuff but he is just sooo much easier to be with now, I think being able to express himself helps a lot too.

He has been on airplanes a few times and used to bf to sleep, when we were still doing that. The last few times, though he screamed during take off and landing, seemed terrified! We flew at Xmas, with this, then just before we were flying over to visit family, we skyped them and he told his cousin 'go plane, up high' then he looked upset, clapped his hands over his ears and said 'sore ears!'. I was astonished he could remember that clearly but made sure we had a bottle for take off to try to help (it did!).

I didn't do a lot of baby group stuff for that very reason nessa. The screaming, oh dear God! He is so friendly and sociable now. Most of the time!

NessaWH123 Sat 12-Apr-14 17:27:20

I know what you mean i really wanted a couple of children but im not sure i could start again after the last roller coaster year which is sad really as deep down i do want more but dont know if i could mentally start again...and im in my late 30s so not alot of time to decide now. Hope things get better for you. Im always so jealous of those smiley, happy babies with their chilled mummies. Just come back from a quick trip to town to get some things i needed and always feel so harressed when i go...today was constantly feedind my DD skips to try and keep him quiet and not kick off and of course try not to stop moving the pushchair!!!

ArtFine Sat 12-Apr-14 19:18:07

Slightlyconfused, when did things change for you? Did you do something?

slightlyconfused85 Sat 12-Apr-14 19:28:11

about 15 months. This is when she got her 16 teeth and could walk confidently. She could also feed herself with a spoon reasonably well so didn't need the help she so desperately did not want!!

This is the age when she started waking up chatting and laughing in the morning instead of crying. This is also when she stopped crying at nap time and instead went to fetch her teddy and waved me goodbye out the room (really, this actually happened overnight) And now, at 17 months she is so much fun - she has a handful of words including 'please' which avoids a LOT of crying and grizzling. At 10 months Art she was not easy to be with at all. I used to hate meeting up with friends and their happy content little babies but did it anyway, and they were all supportive of my grizzler! I couldn't do anything much until she could do more - just got out the house as much as possible and tried not to worry that she cried - she was going to do it in or out the house so I went out for my own sanity.

slightlyconfused85 Sat 12-Apr-14 19:31:29

ps - those content babies - they are whingey toddlers! Take it from me, my little girl is the happiest, most confident (if not slightly boisterous and a bit too independent...), one of the most able speakers/physical movers, and least clingy. These happy babies are much touchier and clingy than she is now. Obviously this is not always the case but I would actually bet money that if I checked in with you guys when your babies are 17/18 months you'll be telling a different story. Just keep going - and book in grandma/dad/friend and take yourself off for a spa with your friends - you deserve it!

ArtFine Sat 12-Apr-14 21:50:41

Slightly, that's a lovely story, and I'm hoping will have that transformation too! May I ask if your DD goes to nursery? I'm trying to get her settled in, but I don't think she is ready for it, and I'm thinking of taking another year or 6 months more of maternity leave. Any advice?

slightlyconfused85 Sun 13-Apr-14 06:53:31

Dd went to a childminder at 9 months 3 days a week. At 1 year she went for 4 days. She loves it and was fine, child care providers have plenty of experience of high needs babies. If you want her to go just let her the earlier the easier apparently

NessaWH123 Sun 13-Apr-14 08:21:55

Hey slightlyconfused85 that was great story to read and great to hear how your dd has changed artfine i have started putting my dd in with a childminder 3 days a week he has been goin for about 2 months as i had to go back t work i get good and bad reports of the days he is better when she gives him enough sleep i think he has found it abit difficult as he loves routine as many high needs babies do but hopefully in time he will settle better at least it gives me a break which helps my sanityx

Chickz Tue 21-Oct-14 18:52:19

Hello op. I know this is an old post but I am you.
Very high needs baby. Cries alot, whinges alot, hates nappy and clothing changes, doesn't want to eat at the mo, wakes a couple of times in night and generally is very fussy. My dd is 1 years old. Things gave got a bit better over the past few months but I'm waiting on more improvement.
Are things better for you? I hope so. Would be lovely to read some positive news! Which would also give hope to me!

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