older child who is unwilling to stay away from home....

(12 Posts)
MrsBradleyJames Fri 04-Apr-14 21:34:49

Any parents of older kids who have experienced this? My son has had phases when younger of being keen on sleepovers with family, but at 11 (12 soon) he just can't bear the idea of being away overnight even with his own dad! Any similarities with anyone out there?? At present I am imagining he will never embrace independence........

atthestrokeoftwelve Fri 04-Apr-14 21:49:28

Does he enjoy going away with you?

Timeforanewname2014 Fri 04-Apr-14 21:55:32

If it's any consolation at that age I was the same. I vividly remember going to stay with my beloved grandma and sobbing down the phone to my mum that I was homesick and wanted to go home. Was fine during the day but nighttime was horrible. apart from the odd one night sleepover I didn't spend significant nights away from home until I went it uni. But am now a fully independent adult with own home smile I'm sure this will come in time for your DS too.

MrsBradleyJames Fri 04-Apr-14 21:57:07

yes it does seem to be me that he's unwilling to separate from (still!) I kind of thought we might be past separation anxiety at 11.....he would stay away with me happily (he would still have the odd wobble though about his own bed, his own home etc but he would cope with me there)

Parliamo Fri 04-Apr-14 21:57:37

What do you do for holidays? Is there any reason for his anxiety? Does it matter- in that is it a problem that needs resolving for any reason, or can you just leave it for now?

Parliamo Fri 04-Apr-14 21:58:20

X post!

MrsBradleyJames Fri 04-Apr-14 21:58:48

Timeforanewname - thankyou so much! That is so what I needed to hear....I just couldn't stop thoughts tonight of never having a fully independent son and wondering what I could/should do!!!

MrsBradleyJames Fri 04-Apr-14 22:01:54

Parliamo, no there is no reason he needs to stay away, I just felt he might benefit from starting to get more independent. He does have reason to be anxious having had a dreadful time at a very stupid school where they totally over pushed SATS and made him very anxious and unhappy. I have been more than happy to give him loads of healing time but I guess I just have the odd wobble about what a little homebody he is.

DulcetMoans Fri 04-Apr-14 22:03:11

I was the same. I remember a particularly bad occasion where I had agreed to stay at a friends but cried so much that I had to be picked up. I'm not even sure why, I just wanted to be home and know everyone was ok.

Again, I'm fine now! If anything too independent!

MrsBradleyJames Fri 04-Apr-14 22:07:24

aw thanks DulcetMoans (great name!!) It is really, really reassuring to hear that. It certainly helps to hear that even children like my DS become independent as adults....much as I adore being his mum, and I do - I do look forward to one day not having anyone be this dependent on me!!! Thanks x

RubyrooUK Fri 04-Apr-14 22:21:11

Of course he will be independent! Don't make a big deal out of it so he feels confident he can take things at his own rate.

My brother was the same. He cried every time we stayed away from my mum well into his late teens. Then he and his friends discovered girls, then booze, then all of a sudden he didn't cry any more! He really blossomed as he went through high school.

He is now in his thirties, married and still very close to my mum (but in a normal way for a man with his own life and wife). He seems perfectly independent now so hopefully your DS - and mine - will be the same!

MrsBradleyJames Fri 04-Apr-14 22:33:31

haha thanks Rubyroo!! I guess parenting is a funny old thing, years ago I simply couldn't have imagined wanting my son to discover booze and girls grin Of course I don't want him to just yet but sometimes, just occasionally, when all his friends seem to do so many things alone, I have a little wobble.
I think it is safe to say that when he does discover independence, I will be more ready than I could have thought! Thanks all who have replied. it's been so helpful xxx

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