Sibling jealousy combined with terrible 2 s aaaagghhh

[Mummy2b83]

Hi I'm losing it with my 21 month old, she used to be a little angel but since having a new baby brother 7 weeks ago she changed over night. She throws things, hits, says no to everything, screams throughout the day especially when the NB cries. NB is very colicky and demanding so feeling over whelmed. We have recently moved to a new city. Have no family or friends around. Today I feel like my temper is getting the better of me, I feel so guilty. My toddler was doing the usual thing of refusing to wash her hands and screaming. So I pushed her away and told her to "just Go". I feel so guilty now, we give her so much attention, I try to dedicate some time every day to play with her one to one. Give her consistent praise, take her out to play groups and try to follow the same routine but its not working. I'm scared that I will just flip and slap her even though I know for sure that it will make things worse.

[findingherfeet]

I can't offer much advice but I can sympathise, my daughter is two and a half and baby is 5 weeks...she's actually very accepting of baby and loving towards him but her usual temper tantrums (especially getting dressed/sharing toys/over tired melt downs) are really testing me, I'm finding myself getting so furious! I literally have had to walk out of the room to calm down, I'm usually pretty calm and can distract or diffuse situation.

It's of no benefit me shouting as it makes my little one worse, I know this but I'm still snapping!! I'm blaming tiredness and the adjustment for all of us....

Don't be too hard on yourself, the move/the baby/the toddler are an exhausting combination

[Mummy2b83]

Thanks, I know it's about distraction and keeping your cool. The more they know they get to you the worse it gets. Being sleep deprived is not helping. Just helps to know that other mums lose it too some time. Just hope I don't mess my kids up.

[hotcrosshunny]

Try and stick to the eldest routine especially naps and bedtime. Stick baby in the sling as much as you can.

[findingherfeet]

Oh absolutely, as soon as my DD recognises she's getting a reaction, she cranks it up just a bit more!! Argh!!

I think in reality while you feel you might snap, you haven't and won't cross that line.

I made an assertive effort today to be more focused on my DD as I was pre baby, put my phone away (!) joined in with her (whilst feeding baby on my lap) and it was so much nicer, she was well behaved and nothing felt like a battle, me being tired and grumpy has a lot to answer for!

I'm going to try and do a bit less, too much rushing around/getting both ready to go out etc is stressing me out, baby is only tiny. One activity or outing a day and more time to chill at home is needed.

On a separate note, I bought a sling in attempt to deal with demands of very hungry baby but firstly I can't do any household chores with him in it - leaning over cooker doesn't feel safe etc and he's quite a big boy and looks completely squished in sling and I'm scared I'll suffocate him!! What did I miss with this sling business that everyone raves about?!?

[hotcrosshunny]

What sling? I cooked in mine and managed household chores. But I had quite a sturdy one which held baby very securely.

[Mummy2b83]

Yeah I do have an ergo which I could use more. I do stick to toddlers routine., but having a screaming colicky baby brother must not be easy. I
M hoping the 12 wks mark will improve things. I do try to dedicate time for her each night we have chit chat time, some nights I take a bath with her, play in the garden with her etc. i will start again tomorrow, maybe structure some activities for her. DH struggling to cope too, as he is tired back from work and baby has been screaming none stop for the past two hours. He's finally calming down phew..

[Mummy2b83]

Findongherfeet, having ipad or phone around when dd is up is impossible she just demands it all the time so I have no option but to sit and play with her.

[Mondayschild78]

Hi there I have DS who is 2.5 and 4 month old DS and I just wanted to say we went through a horrible couple of months where DS1 was playing up constantly really testing me and DH (I think he thought baby was here to replace him ) and his sleep regressed too (making his behaviour even worse). I nearly lost it a few times when he tried to hit DS2, usually while I was breastfeeding. I spoke to him about it and acknowledged his feelings that he was cross but that he should use his words and not hit. I'm not sure if this is an option for you but it did help us.

Then one day he suddenly calmed down about everything and it has been a lot easier since. At the time I thought it was never going to settle down.

So hang in there and just get through as best you can, it WILL get easier.