DD(4) inconsolable when having to say goodbye to friend

[Poppanicolino]

Over the last few months DD has formed a lovely friendship with the little girl of the same age who lives next door. They go to pre-school together and chat over the fence if they happen to be in the garden at the same time.

DD went to the friend's house on Tuesday afternoon for an hour. When I went to pick her up and bring her home for supper she was devastated. I reassurred her that they would see each other at pre-school the next day (not good enough because she wouldn't have friend to herself) and I said that friend could come and play this afternoon. Once home it took her a good half an hour to calm down and I felt totally helpless :(

Friend was here for two hours this afternoon and we took her back home at 5:00. Again, DD's been crying again and is cross with me because I wouldn't let her stay at friend's house when we took her home.

I don't know what to do to help her. I always give her countdown warnings to when she's going to have to say goodbye but it makes no difference. I'm fairly certain her friend doesn't get like this although I know she really likes DD. DD's playing outside now in the hope that friend will come outside and chat!

I've asked her if she wants me to take a photo of the two of them together that she can have in her bedroom. She's not convinced it will help but I think I'll do it anyway. Any suggestions of how else I can help her?

[Goldmandra]

She just needs a bit of time to find out that she can deal with these emotions. It's a learning process and she'll soon start to realise that she can cope away from her friend and life is still worth living

Try labelling her emotions for her and helping her to work out how she'll be feeling about other things and how she'll feel looking forward to the next time she sees her so the emotional experience is put into a wider context for her.

I think that's lovely but then I'm not having to deal with the tears.

[Poppanicolino]

Thank you. The brilliant irony is that I work with children who have emotional and social problems that impact on their behaviour and learning, so I have a whole mental library of strategies for dealing with this sort of thing in other people's children; it just feels so different when it's my own! Having an emotional investment of my own makes it harder.

[Poppanicolino]

I agree though. I think it's just going to take time.

[Goldmandra]

Having an emotional investment of my own makes it harder.

It's so much easier with other people's children

I