Late Potty Training Support Thread

(46 Posts)
Fifyfomum Tue 01-Apr-14 12:58:44

Potty training a child of 3 or over? Come and rant to your hearts content, share advice and feel free to let yourself talk about how it really feels to go through this.

My child is 3.8 and for me, this is the hardest part of motherhood so far. I found labour hard but not this enraging and it has really challenged me as a person. For me introducing the potty, refusing nappies and praising him when he used the toilet is what has helped. I have to ignore any bad behaviour and just allow him to do it on his own (no asking)

Now we have to deal with him going inside his pants, we've pretty much cracked the going to the potty/loo without pants on.

Any advice would be fantastic!

PirateJones Tue 01-Apr-14 13:48:55

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Fifyfomum Tue 01-Apr-14 14:47:18

I was hoping for a support thread without the bitchiness

PirateJones Tue 01-Apr-14 14:54:12

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Fifyfomum Tue 01-Apr-14 17:12:27

Right, okay then...

So anyway I was hoping eyelet would drop by and anyone else who has had this difficulty, I had real good support on my other thread but I think a new one is needed

DumDum32 Tue 01-Apr-14 17:30:55

Marking place

My DD is 3.9 & we are having the same troubles....
So far I've tried:

1) trainer seat on the loo itself (she just cries on there the whole way through)
2) keeping her naked from the waist down & taking her to the loo every 30-45 mins (she just sits on the potty & then will go on the floor after getting up)
3) bought her a nice Disney princess potty (as suggested by her nursery) to help with the process but nothing.

The most upsetting part is she manages to go without any trouble at nursery although requires a lot of prompting they said. But the point is she uses the loo there at least.

She is poorly at the moment so I have just put her back in pull up's but the trouble is she uses them as nappies sad

I'm up to my last teether with it all & it does make me feel like a right failure as a mother (not helped by me having mental/physical disabilities) sometimes I think she deserves a better mother as I'm sure she would have been potty trained by now by a decent mother!

DumDum32 Tue 01-Apr-14 17:47:04

Sorry just needed to let that out sad

superbagpuss Tue 01-Apr-14 17:55:04

we did lots of sitting on the potty with our DT in front of the TV

lots of praise for anything achieved in potty with raisins

all accidents minimised, lots of praise for getting the potty and dry pants

once secure with potty we moved potty to bathroom, and then used steps and a toddler seat to get them to use the toilet

it was lots of small stages and we went through lots of raisins but we got there grin.

didn't even start night time training until days were completely dry

Fifyfomum Tue 01-Apr-14 20:03:54

Hi dumdum vent away, no judgement here (I hope)

We found he won't sit on the loo, I think its a sensory thing where the potty is more enclosed and he doesn't feel so vulnerable.

Fifyfomum Tue 01-Apr-14 20:19:43

superbag thank you for the advice and support, definitely need people who have gone through it and come out unscathed, so to speak.

Mmmbacon Tue 01-Apr-14 20:46:15

Just wanted to sypathise, dd trained herself practically, started training ds after christmas but had to stop as nursery wouldn't follow through and won't take them back until no poo accidents and minimum wee accidents, tried again a month later and he had become completely defiant,

Have decided to book 2 weeks off in the early summer to attack it head on,

Fed up of people telling me he is too young when we nearly had it cracked at christmas,

Fifyfomum Tue 01-Apr-14 21:01:18

I even had people at my CAF meeting today saying that I should put him back in nappies because of all the other stuff that is going on at the moment and he will 'do it when he is ready' its bollocks it really is.

I am not putting him back in nappies now, he has just got used to being out of them!

Contemplates Tue 01-Apr-14 21:07:21

Potty training is really hard for both people concerned: on the one had there is a parent striving to do 'the right thing' and understandably feeling full of self-doubt about where they could possibly be going wrong I it doesn't succeed, and on the other hand a little person who is not ready, for whatever reason, possibly a reason that will never be known, but who also feels inadequate, not realising how easily achievable the whole thing can be (nor can be reasonably expected to see it trough the eyes of an adult).

So it can feel like a desperate state of stalemate. Why is it these challenges make us believe they will never be overcome?!!!

It's a real shame that, as a society we have accepted 'norms' and timelines for kids who mature at different rates. Potty training is one of many such milestones. Others may not rear they ugly heads until school when someone isn't learning to read 'on time' or maybe doesn't get into the right college. Or perhaps can't have children of their own. Failure failure failure. Or so people feel.

Years ago, parents were taught to potty train ridiculously early, long before a child was ready. Nowadays there are jokes about how it was the parents being trained to spot the wee-wriggle and try to get there in time!

Having said that, it is really hard for people who are doing their best, to find their work isn't paying off.

Out of interest, what does your health visitor make of it all?

One thing is for sure, no one (without medical problems obviously) is still in nappies as a 16 year old. So they all get it eventually.

One other thing that crossed my mind - I'm sure you've heard of the fight and flight mechanism? Part of the physiological response sometimes involves withholding urine and faeces, because the body shuts down through tension. For that reason it's a really good idea to try to keep everything as low-key and relaxed as possible. It can't do any harm and will only serve to help both parties involved smile

Fifyfomum Tue 01-Apr-14 21:20:06

Well my little one has certainly found it an enjoyable experience so far, mostly because every time he goes he gets a treat!

I do think that the new advice to 'wait until they are ready' is actually not appropriate for many children and that the dangers of being 'not quite ready' are not quite as big as the dangers of 'being ready but bloody defiant'

My HV agrees that it is right to keep him out of nappies now, its been 5 days and we have made miles of progress. She is going to come and do a house check next Friday, because shes not been to my house before and also to check on his potty training and see if she can recommend anything, he is having some sensory issues with food, the shower and so she might bring a community nursery nurse along with her just to see how we are getting on with stuff. I am really grateful for the help, no issues at all with people being in the house and any advice I get I am happy to take on board. I do think though that potty training should be started earlier, that introducing the potty and the toilet trainer should be done before the child turns 3 because this defiance that I think a lot of parents feel from their kids during potty training is only exacerbated the older they get.

Fifyfomum Tue 01-Apr-14 21:20:06

Well my little one has certainly found it an enjoyable experience so far, mostly because every time he goes he gets a treat!

I do think that the new advice to 'wait until they are ready' is actually not appropriate for many children and that the dangers of being 'not quite ready' are not quite as big as the dangers of 'being ready but bloody defiant'

My HV agrees that it is right to keep him out of nappies now, its been 5 days and we have made miles of progress. She is going to come and do a house check next Friday, because shes not been to my house before and also to check on his potty training and see if she can recommend anything, he is having some sensory issues with food, the shower and so she might bring a community nursery nurse along with her just to see how we are getting on with stuff. I am really grateful for the help, no issues at all with people being in the house and any advice I get I am happy to take on board. I do think though that potty training should be started earlier, that introducing the potty and the toilet trainer should be done before the child turns 3 because this defiance that I think a lot of parents feel from their kids during potty training is only exacerbated the older they get.

Fifyfomum Tue 01-Apr-14 21:22:00

Also, there is no tension, the child is not tense, or upset, or any of those things, he is just a 3 year old boy doing normal 3 year old boy things and taking a normal amount of time to potty train, he has needed support to get there though, things like crying for the first time when he crapped out of a nappy, because the sensation is too much for him. He obviously has some sensory issues and I really believe he would be going to school in nappies had we not pushed the issue, I am glad we did and I think he will be glad we did this summer, while he is running around the garden with no clothes on and able to go to school out of a pull-up like his peers

AnyaKnowIt Tue 01-Apr-14 21:28:31

Pirate - what a shitty thing to do!

Potty training is bloody hard. Got dd to use a potty for wees but no joy with poo.

She has just turned 3

Fifyfomum Tue 01-Apr-14 21:34:41

I am still working on the poo's too Anya, sucks doesn't it.

HSMMaCM Tue 01-Apr-14 21:34:54

I have toilet trained many many children. The ones that want to do it are a breeze. The ones that don't are a different kettle of fish. It's finding the thing that works for each child, so I wish you luck with finding yours. I know how hard (and how easy) it can be

I hope Pirate does the decent thing and asks for her posts to be removed.
Good luck everyone, you will emerge eventually with dry children and your sanity pretty much intact.

Eyelet Tue 01-Apr-14 21:43:24

There is another thread somewhere whoch is very long about delayed PT.

I'm a bit hmm about being roped into this thread, firstly because on the previous thread you kept a number of issues hidden which were relevent and could have assisted in people's ability to help ans also because I've now been pointed towards some other threads of yours OP and they do seem to have a tendency towards the dramatic.

We've made absolutely no progess, and for us at least it causes a whole load of other squit to raise its head
So we're back to paeds next week to get their input. Again.

Fifyfomum Tue 01-Apr-14 21:56:48

Okay well this isn't about my other threads or my other dramas. I am sorry if my life is too dramatic to even converse with me but I think that's a bit cruel really.

Anyway I think we should just talk about potty training here, I have a whole host of other stuff going on in life but its pretty hard to talk about and yes, it does take me a while to open up to want to/be able to talk about it.

So he's still going to bed in pull-ups, finding it hard to assess when he is needing to undress and use the potty though we have had success with him naked from the waist down.

I just have to hope he 'gets it' soon.

atthestrokeoftwelve Tue 01-Apr-14 22:07:12

I didn't potty train. I let my childen decide. I have a friend from rural Egypt and she says that the idea of potty training is quite alien. Much like BLW, or not sleep training her view was that children will one day decide they don't want to be in nappies any more.
I tried it and it worked a treat. At three years they went from nappies to the toilet in 24 hours, no cajoloing, no bribery, totally dry and clean day and night. I didn't have a single accident from them from that day forward.

Fifyfomum Tue 01-Apr-14 22:09:41

How old were they exactly at?

Three and a-lot or three and a bit?

ianleeder Tue 01-Apr-14 22:14:49

Hi, I just saw your previous threads and I'm sorry for all the negative comments you've been getting. You just wanted to let out steam as obviously the whole potty training thing is upsetting you. I trained my 2 kids around age 3 (my youngest age 3 years and 6 month still poos in her nappy). I was very relaxed about it, I skip the potty and took her to the big toilet to wee. She refused to wee as she was afraid to 'it let go' so I suggested her to wee in the bath naked so she felt comfortable of letting go then she went to the big toilet. Took about 2 weeks before she got the hang of it. I trained mine around summer so they had less clothes to remove. I would go with the flow, make going toilet fun and relaxing. If he wet himself, show him what he's done and ask him to help you to clean up his mess. Read fun stories together on potty trAining, buy his favourite big boy pants, explain to him and persevere. Stay in or close to home with no nappies. I didn't give my kids treats for using the potty or toilet but if it works for you then stick with it. Don't get upset or angry if he wet himself. Explain to him that he is big boy now and he can wee in the potty/ toilet. Invite a similar age kid who is potty trained to encourage him to wee.

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