Are most people disciplining their children with the time out/naughty step strategy?

(96 Posts)
sebsmummy1 Sun 23-Mar-14 21:02:21

I'm not quite there yet as my son is only 16 months.

At the moment I have instinctively disciplined. He will get a firm No! or similar if he I'd doing something naughty or inappropriate. I have backed this up with a hand slap on about four occasions when I thought the action was bordering on dangerous and he wasn't taking notice of my words (not sure if I will get flamed for this).

As I said, it's very instinctive and generally this has worked very well. He no longer plays with the toilet and tries to lift the lid and post things and he understands the road is dangerous etc.

Thing is I know I am moving towards the terrible toes and I'm thinking whether I need to decide about how I'm going to handle bad behaviour in the future or if in going to carry on as I am.

Is the time out/ naughty step accepted as the accepted way to do things or is everyone doing something different depending on the child.

I really don't want smacking to become normal in our house and need a strategy that my son will understan, action/consequences etc.

Thanks

Time outs work very well on young children.
DS is 4.6 and still very effective.

Smacking is confusing

MildDrPepperAddiction Sun 23-Mar-14 21:14:03

When they are this young just remove them from the dangerous object or whatever and a firm No. They are too young to understand time outs etc. Smacking is not the way to go. How would you teach your child not to hit if you hit them?

realitygone Sun 23-Mar-14 21:16:17

I have relaxation bottles.

You fill a bottle with water and then put loads of glitter in it, when you put the child on time out you give them a glitter bottle to look at, shake it up first and tell them once the glitter settles you will be back
It aims to distract them from their state of mind. Works very well with all children I've done it with

To add to my post, which I left out - I meant from 2.5 + for time outs.

as PP said, your DC is too young for time outs just yet although I think your OP suggested you know this already.

But it does interest me that you think your DC is too young to understand time outs but smacking is understandable?

Ludways Sun 23-Mar-14 21:18:54

I've never used naughty step or time out, when they were little firm no and distraction always worked very well. I'm fact it still works now they're 12 and 8, lol.

frownyface Sun 23-Mar-14 21:20:36

I did time outs from when my son was about 2.5.

Worked well for us, he is now six and havent needed to use time outs for quite some time.

Smacking seems to me to be going about discipline the wrong way. How can you expect a child not to hit when you are using the behaviour yourself?

Best of luck. Consistency is the key.

MrsGriffiths Sun 23-Mar-14 21:25:22

Naughty step works for us, it calms our son and us if required. I have also smacked him where like you say there is danger and I don't think he's listening. I don't believe a smacked hand to get a point of danger across is going to damage a child just the same as whether its called time out or the naughty step...it's a tough time the "terrible" twos (and beyond) and yo have to find your rhythm that works for your family.

gamerchick Sun 23-Mar-14 21:30:46

expect to be slaughtered for smacking as the thread goes on.

If you don't want to smack then hopefully you'll pick through the posts and ignore the rest.

I LOVE the idea of glitter bottles.. Never heard of that one.

Goldenbear Sun 23-Mar-14 21:35:09

I can't stand the naughty step for such a young age- they are still babies at 2, you only gave birth to them 2 years prior and now you want to emotionally reject them for not speeding up their comprehension of the world to a level usually way beyond what they are capable of.

It is disgraceful to smack a 16 month old baby!

Goldenbear Sun 23-Mar-14 21:38:20

Why can't you just explain something to them and love a young toddler. The glitter stick seems terribly confusing and if I'm honest a way to ease an adult's guilt in sticking them on a naughty spot.

TheGreatHunt Sun 23-Mar-14 22:06:14

What happens when he hits another kid, copying you? For example my dd will tell ds off using the same language as me ("you shouldn't jump on the sofa,it is dangerous, OK!?").

You wouldn't really be able to reprimand him without being contradictory.

So I suggested you stop hitting a baby.

Other than that, I used time out when desperate but it doesn't really help. I prefer to be more positive e.g. can you do this please? Or distract, especially works for under 2s.

Goldmandra Sun 23-Mar-14 22:52:50

The glitter stick seems terribly confusing and if I'm honest a way to ease an adult's guilt in sticking them on a naughty spot.

That depends on what you would like them to learn from the time out.

It should be used as an opportunity to take time away from the problem and to calm down and take stock. In that situation, an aid to calming seems very appropriate and not at all confusing.

If you're using it as a punishment rather than time out it would seem rather contradictory.

OP, please stop smacking your baby. If he isn't taking notice of your words, just move him away. Being fearful of you isn't going to enhance his understanding of danger.

Behaviour management shouldn't be about punishments. Try to use positive techniques like praise and distraction first wherever possible and follow up with natural consequences wherever possible when necessary.

I go for time out. We also have a sticker chart. However, today I did resort to a smack on the hand.

DD is three.

She'd already been on the naughty spot and been told there would be no more stickers. This was for pulling the cat's tail (even though she knows not to do this), then shouting at me. Having got past this, at lunchtime the shouting resumed, was followed by her throwing her cup on the floor in temper, and when being removed from anything that could be thrown, hitting me.

I only used the slap to demonstrate that it hurt. I believe the message was received quite clearly. We had a cuddle and talked about why it was not a nice thing to do.

Going forward, we'll be sticking with consequences - and I think I'll be making a "calm-down" bottle.

Hobblethwaite Sun 23-Mar-14 23:11:24

Google Ahaparenting for lots of good information on age appropriate discipline.

ExBrightonBell Sun 23-Mar-14 23:29:27

Genuine question - if you don't want smacking to be the norm, why are you doing it?

MiscellaneousAssortment Sun 23-Mar-14 23:36:18

My Ds is 4 and I don't actually have a proper discipline strategy going... He's a very good little boy who can't help but tell the truth when he's feeling guilty and gets very upset if he decides he's been naughty!

I've concentrated on calming down and reassurance techniques, but I'm sure that won't last much longer.

I did buy a 2 min egg timer with the idea of sitting him to hold it, but now it's used for teeth so can't do that.

I like the idea of the relaxation bottles. I really don't like the idea of withdrawing love/ affection / attention.

Smacking is a no no, unless perhaps he'd almost killed himself and I wanted him to realise a lesson without fail... Except that shouting would do that, so nooo, on reflection not even then.

Sillylass79 Mon 24-Mar-14 00:07:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AveryJessup Mon 24-Mar-14 00:16:56

Love the idea of glitter bottles reality. We are deep in the throes of Terrible Two tantrums right now and often I feel with DS that it is just a case of his emotions overwhelming him and he gets so wrapped up in the tantrum he can't listen any more.

I've been using some time-out strategies more often recently more as a way to calm DS down than as a punishment. Time-out seem most effective when I 1. acknowledge his feelings and 2. tell him he needs some time to calm down and then 3. explain why. I like the idea of glitter bottles as a means of distracting him enough to help him relax. Might borrow that one!

Paintyfingers Mon 24-Mar-14 00:24:27

We don't do either. I just explain firmly why what he is doing is wrong eg 'we do not hit. Hitting hurts people and is unkind'.

If I say no about something no always means no. We have firm boundaries and I think this works for him.

Goldenbear Mon 24-Mar-14 00:32:09

But time out for such a young child is completely unnecessary. I have a nearly 7 year old and nearly 3 year old, I have never put her in 'time out' and I don't accept her hurting others. I have explained to her in simple terms that it is not nice and she does comprehend this, particularly as she has got closer to three. She is one of the most placid toddlers I know and when we go to playgroups she never takes things off other children, hurts them, in fact she is likely to give stuff to the ones that are more grabby and moves on from the situation. I've noticed a strong correlation between the over zealous disciplinarians and the most difficult toddlers. I.e 'im going to count to 3 and then we will go' or 'Jack, you need to do this or You will have to sit over there for a bit'. jack, a bewildered 20 month old who seemingly has no comphrehension of these threats.

My next door neighbour has a child one month older than mine and it is actually quite irritating listening to him drone on to his just turned 3 year old, who has a new baby sister of 4 weeks, about what is expected of him and if it doesn't happen he will go on the naughty spot. His expectations are ridiculous and the very young child may understand the words but it doesn't work. This child is always screaming blue murder as he is on the 'spot' yet again over some petty misdemeaner. Life is too short IMO for your 3 year old to be your adversary, I want to enjoy my children, I personally didn't have them for some kind of power trip. It's ridiculous, my DD is much better behaved and I really think its because I don't threaten her with consequences all day.

Equally, with my 7 year old I bowed to the pressures of expectations from friends with children the same age, who were using these discipline methods such as 'time out' and it just made everything a lot worse. He was easier when I abandoned these rubbish methods.

HopelessDei Mon 24-Mar-14 00:42:01

We have never done naughty step. I don't understand or like it. Anyway, if a child is well-behaved enough to actually sit on it, do they need it? confused

I am a strict parent btw. We have rules and high expectations. I just don't do that. I don't like it. I think it's embarrassing for a child and, for me, discipline should be about learning, understanding and wanting it do better next time.

We did sometimes put DS in his bedroom to sit on his bed and calm down for a few mins if he was tantrumming. I used to hold the handle of the door from the outside and tell him I would open it when he had calmed down. He had to stay calm while I counted to ten then I asked was he ready to make things better.

CheesyBadger Mon 24-Mar-14 00:43:10

Goldenbear I agree completely and don't do time out. I ask dd to calm down sometimes and talk to her about what is happening etc. so many friends rely on threats, bribes and timeout and it just doesn't seem to work, or at least doesn't address the root of the issue, rather only the behaviour.

HopelessDei Mon 24-Mar-14 00:44:35

And oh god I hate sticker charts.

andsmile Mon 24-Mar-14 00:47:50

did my first time out today it seemed to work. DD is 2, just.

she also seems to take a lot of Q's from older DS, like she knows if i say certain phrases when getting ready that I mean business as she see her DB getting coat one to leave.

But she has only just stepped up a notch so need to think about this and will read with interest.

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