When can you expect and 11 month old to stop unwanted behaviour

(8 Posts)
Snowshades Fri 07-Mar-14 19:34:18

11 month old DS2 is very mobile, walking at 10 months, trying to climb, can go up stairs and is generally into everything.

I also have a 5 year old DS1 who is physically disabled. Ds1 likes to sit in his floor sitter to watch TV after school and generally relax. Also likes sitting in this chair at weekends. He is non verbal.

Unfortunately as soon as DS2 became mobile he has targeted DS1, makes a bee line for him, climbs over him, 'pats' his face, even bitten his cheek, and always goes for the hair to pull! Ds1 can't retaliate or stop him.

Obviously we try to divert him, he has plenty of attention and toys, but poor DS1 is really suffering. It's not a good idea to put DS1 on the couch as he is not properly supported, although we do sometimes in desperation.

DS2 is generally a happy baby but does get jealous when anyone gives DS1 attention and will keep pestering and trying climb over us.

So the question is, can an 11 month old be 'disciplined' to leave DS1 alone and respect his space. We've tried all the practical things without success. Can we stop DS2 and if so how?

gamerchick Fri 07-Mar-14 19:56:18

I wouldn't have thought so at that age sadly.. although I do see where you're coming from.

Maybe a pretty large playpen? I would think either child could go in it. I used to sit in the travel cot I had set up in the living room so I could do paperwork unmolested when mine was little. Worked pretty good.

As the bairn grows you can teach him repeatedly to leave his brother alone.. that'll come in time.

Snowshades Fri 07-Mar-14 20:10:53

We currently have wooden bar things across the fireplace and the TV and also the dining area is fenced off as it has DS1s sharp equipment in it, so it's only the living area is clear. We maybe can open up the TV/fireplace fence and enclose DS1 as well as the TV?!

At what age can we expect DS2 to respect what we want for DS1.

gamerchick Fri 07-Mar-14 20:19:28

well that's the route I would take.. but I fenced off anything possible for protection purposes.

I honestly don't know but i'll be back with hopefully an answer.

Googlee Fri 07-Mar-14 21:20:00

Hi Snowshades,

A friend of mine pointed me in the direction of this thread and I can see why. I also have 2 sons, although closer in age (DS1 is 5 3/4 and DS2 is 4) DS1 is profoundly disabled, he is non-verbal, gastrostomy fed, unable to sit unaided, has been crawling since the age of about 3 1/2 but cannot stand or walk and is also blind.

Like you, DS2 appeared to be all over DS1 and it felt like he couldn't understand that he needed to be gentle towards his brother. The way I deal with it, is 2 fold. Firstly, segregating them makes the problem worse, it meant for me that DS2 couldn't have opportunities to learn to love and understand and play with his brother in an appropriate way. So you need to have play time when you sit on the floor in the middle and hand over hand show them how they can play together. It is tiring and frustrating, but very worth it! (and you also feel like a referee most of the time! lol)

Secondly, get in touch with services in your local area.....specifically Occuaptional Therapy and Social Services. Speak to occupational therapy about getting your DS1 a 'high low chair', my DS1 has this one...

http://www.jenx.com/products/seating/junior

It looks a bit scary, but what it does is allows you to have your DS1 sitting close to the floor, and then when you are exhausted, you can lift it up so that DS2 can't reach! (lol)

With Social Services, you need to ask for an assessment to get direct payments...

https://www.gov.uk/apply-direct-payments

This means you can hire someone (a friend or someone that works at DS1 school) that can be that extra pair of hands whilst you facilitate play between your sons!

I don't use this site, but I have signed up, if you want to send me a private message and swap numbers to talk i'm more than happy to chat! Also, if I have just told you what you already know or already tried, let me know and I will see if I can think of anything else!

Hope this helps

G xx

TheGreatHunt Fri 07-Mar-14 21:39:21

Your 11 month old is too young. You can teach him to be gentle and show him what to do but as far as he is concerned this is his brother and he wants to interact. So show him how. I would take the 11 month old with you to give your oldest the space.

Snowshades Sat 08-Mar-14 08:41:55

Thanks for the advice.

I have PMd Googlee smile

I agree we will work on getting him to be more gentle and try some talking.

I try to get DH to take DS2 out shopping as much as possible grin

gamerchick Sat 08-Mar-14 11:07:59

Googlee is awesome grin.. good luck OP

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