Would you ever suggest hitting/pushing?

(8 Posts)
nello Thu 06-Mar-14 22:51:18

A strange question, as I completely don't condone violence! Another parent suggested this, under her breath, to me today...

DD 3YO goes to a playgroup where another girl, 3 months older, is being repeatedly unkind to her. The little girl (who we know of well) goes up to her and screams/shouts in DD's face. DD tells her to stop and that she doesn't like it and walks away (as we have told her to), but it continues with this little girl following her and then DD starts crying. Neither the parent or the child minder (whoever is there) pulls the little girl up on it properly and my DD is starting to act like a victim. She is so defensive whenever we see this little girl (frequently) and is now crying before she really needs to.

Thoughts please.

ExBrightonBell Thu 06-Mar-14 23:03:34

No, I wouldn't suggest hitting/pushing this girl. It's not her fault, as she is only 3, it's the fault of her parent/child minder.

I would either speak to the parent/child minder and tell them that it is not ok for the child to behave in this way, or if I didn't think that would go down well, I would find a different playgroup.

I would prefer the first option really, and I would be very specific about what I would expect them to do if their child behaves in that way. I would try to be friendly and kind when talking to them, but firm. I guess if they didn't respond well, or didn't take any action, then I would have to fall back to the second option and find a different playgroup.

TheVictorian Thu 06-Mar-14 23:35:14

Op Although i do not condone violence, one point of view, is that after all reasonable attempts to cease this child's behavior toward your dd has failed. Sometimes as unpleasant as it may be to suggest, but in extreme cases aggression can only countered with aggression as sometimes no amout of talking or being diplomatic is enough to end the situation.

Ive always taught my kids to hit back �� they dont have doormat written over their heads and im not letting them get treated like one.

LiberalLibertine Fri 07-Mar-14 00:30:35

Then what? All out scrapping? You need to handle this with the adults and get them to sort this child behaviour.

Are you ever there when it happens? Are there teachers there?

ExBrightonBell Fri 07-Mar-14 00:31:45

yes...hitting back teaches that hitting isn't ok effectively doesn't it?! It's survival of the fittest at playgroup then, with the biggest strongest kids pushing all the smaller weaker ones around? Lovely.

The "unkind" child is 3. She is being let down by her parent/childminder who are not effectively parenting her. The solution is not to encourage one 3 year old to hit or push another 3 year old!

The parent and childminder need to be told clearly, maybe by the playgroup leaders, that the behaviour is not acceptable and that they need to actively manage their child's behaviour.

brettgirl2 Fri 07-Mar-14 07:36:35

Sorry but it's the kids who hit that tend to be the weaker ones. The kids who are in charge/ popular ones aren't the ones hitting. Not being a doormat is about confidence not violence.

insancerre Fri 07-Mar-14 07:40:06

no, I am a very experienced early years teacher and would never teach any child to hit back
it is much better to teach them to control a situation using their words and feelings instead
that is what is going to make them into a strong, resilient adult

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