why so different with mummy??

[kateandfelicity]

Hi there,

Have 15mo DD, who is lovely... however, there is some real differences in the way she acts around me than with dp.

She seems to constantly try and push boundaries with me, literally crawl all over me, hit me on the face
worst is when i cannot get anything done around the house because she;s stood hanging onto my legs wailing!!

however, if I'm not there, and dp is looking after her, she's very chilled out, plays quietly on her own, he gets stuff done....

so, is this normal???? or have i somehow created this behaviour? do i need to try and stop this or is it just a normal phase????

probably seems a really stupid question, but it can leave me exhausted and dp frustrated that I cannot get things done around the house....

pls advise!

[merryberry]

From what I gather it's a pretty normal stage. Sounds like she's a bit further on with the clinging thing than my 12 mth ds. he was like this last month, but not with nanny or dad. it was like he ramped up the seperation/attachment issues after i'd been back at work part-time for 3 months - hadnt been like it before.

i thought well, if he wants to be with me+++ he's insecure, so i'll give him what he needs first and see if he gets over it. so i used a hippychick seat to save my back and plodded through what i could one handed, telling him all about it. I made a point of telling my dp all about this and the progress made. Mine didn't get frustrated, but I did and needed to feel like I was managing something OK!

Also twice a day made a point of playing with him (ds, not dp sadly) undivided attention etc for at least half an hour each time. it was knackering, but at least i felt like i was doing it from choice rather than hampered or held back.

he got bored/reassured after a couple of weeks and treats me same as them now. well, for the time being.

with the hitting which has only happened about four times so far, during his clingy period, i was just very strict and said Ow! no hit mummy, holding his hand and then put him to one side next me. then i picked him up after the worst of the tears were over and distracted him.

hth. has your dds behavious coincided with a change at home as well, or is it her age do you think? xfx

[springerspaniel]

My 13 month old does this to me and DP. Loves to belly flop onto us, hit, bite, kiss, brush our hair, pull our hair. All part of experimenting with affection I think. When he hurts me, I try not to shout ouch (or scream - big teeth!) because he thinks it is funny so I try to just put him down and turn my back. When he kisses or lies on us, I say 'aah' and kiss him too. Bit scary when you see his big mouthful of teeth coming towards you and you don't know whether you are going to get a snotty kiss or a bite!

[springerspaniel]

...by the way, he got a toy vacuum cleaner for his birthday and loves to hoover when I do. Quite handy for distraction.

[liquidclocks]

DS went through a stage lik this around 16/17 months and I was so exhausted with it. The worst thing was that because there was none of it when he was around DH didn't really grasp the scale of the problem. I'm afraid I don't have any suggestions but DS dd grow out of it and went into the 'copying' phase springersapnel was talking about. I think they just suddenly realise that you're not there all the time and need extra reassurance. DS is now22 months and will play very happily on his own for hours with just the occaisional pull at my trouser leg to come and look at something ar help him get a train out from under the sofa!

[7up]

my ds 22months has been like this since about 18months,terrible tantrums and clinginess with me.wont leave me alone, follows mearound, hangs ontomy legs.drives me potty.

his dad visits once aweek for an hour and a half and he gets ahappy show off kid and doesnt understand what im moaning about! tosser!

when ds stays with my mum when iwork he is an angel.

i think kids definitely play their mums up more than anyone else

[noonar]

dd2, jst turned two , has just got over a phase of saying to me , fist thing in the morning ' go away mummy, go to sleep, i want daddy'. don't sweat it, they are aware of different dynamics with each parent early on, and things soon changes.

[Olihan]

My ds went through this at a similar age and I was told that they test out their limits with the person they feel most secure with and if you're the primary carer then - you get lucky . Not that it makes it any easier to deal with.

However, like everything that happens at that age, it's just a phase and it does pass quite quickly as they re-establish their boundaries, you just have to be really consistent.

re. the getting jobs done, I found giving him things he didn't usually play with - random household objects, peelings and a pan when I was cooking distracted him for a bit.