Please read and help me. Anyone got a "Highly Sensitive" Child ? Or Recognise this? Can you share and help me?

[Flippingell]

Hello

I have name changed for this as feeling quite emotional about this.

My DS2 is 5yrs old and their behaviour worries me. It's also causing issues at school.

He has food intolerances and has reflux.

He is very bright little boy. On a very high reading level for his age. It comes naturally to him. We did not teach him. His comprehension of language is 'wow'. The staff consider him to be a 'high flier'. His siblings are not high fliers at all.

He always has questions. He loves learning.

He is funny, loves playing with friends ( but can be bossy at times if he thinks a particular idea is the best) and interested in his friends lives. Very loving.
A social boy and will make friends at the park/woods instantly.
Hugs us lots and loves cuddles.

He is incredibly stubborn. He rarely concedes.

If he thinks someone is wrong ( or being stupid) he tells them ( this includes school staff).
His temper is so difficult to deal with. If your react then he gets explosive and can go on for hours. We just leave him them then he calms down says sorry and is straight back into happy mode.

He hates certain items of clothing particulary tops. He does what we call the 'itchy' dance. I wash his clothing in a recommend product from the eczema society. This is now creating huge melt downs at school after PE lessons.

Seems to feel things deeply.

And this is what hurts me. I don't understand him. I get his siblings - I see parts of them in me. I want to help him but it's like there's an alien in our home. I think he scares himself at times too.
He is so little and so wise and can sometimes look so lost in this world.

I have looked at autism and aspergers but it doesn't seem to fit with him.
And his nursery discounted that.

I know there is something but I don't know what.

Any of you recognise this?

[noblegiraffe]

Why have you discounted autism? A lot of what you write would fit. What do his school think? Have you talked to the SENCO?

[weaselm4]

Hi, my DS7 is very similar to how you describe yours.

I have just decided to go down the ASD investigation route as his meltdowns are still happening, and are more noticeably different than how his peers deal with things.

I think the difference was less noticeable when he was younger, but after 4 years of worrying, wondering and having to have specific ways of dealing with him, I felt I had to find a way to help him.

He's still a lovely boy, but I feel it would be good to get some help.

I need to run now, but am happy to discuss further on this thread or via PM.

[DeWe]

I agree with noblegiraffe. Talk to GP/Senco and see what they think.

And give him a different top for PE lessons. I'm sure school would rather that he had a different top than he had a meltdown. Have you cut labels out in case that's it. I have to do that for one of mine.

[Basketofchocolate]

What is the actual issue? Why is he 'like an alien'?

Sounds normal to me......if he feels things deeply, perhaps because he has a better understanding of things than the other DCs at same age if he is a 'high flier'?

If he has eczema, this will make him emotional and appear irrational when it is bad. Can't imagine how reflux makes him feel too. Seems to have a lot on his plate. Food intolerances I think can alter behaviour quite a bit.
Is there one that's been undiagnosed?

I have a few siblings and I don't 'get' my Mum at all. Think feeling's mutual but the others seem to all be fine with her and I often feel like I'm in the wrong family. Sometimes it's the personality you're born with. There's no genetic law to say they have to have a personality you like, unfortunately.

[Flippingell]

Thank you for replying NobleGiraffe.

When nursery discounted autism ( trying to recall what was detailed): they said he had good communication skills, good at 2 way conversations etc and he does.

He is sensitive to others ( if someone is upset he wants to cheer them up and make it better). He is very social and loves to make friends.

His imagination is vivid but he has a variety of interests and not obsessive or doing the same thing over and over.

So could it be Autism? Sorry, I don't know a huge amount about it.

Not sure of the SENCO setting at the school.
School think he is a high flier who cannot handle his own ability and is frustrated.

[Flippingell]

Basket - I don't dislike at all his personality. I adore him.
I love him for him. Honestly, he is utterly charming.
I think he is hilarious, loving, kind and jaw droppingly bright. But he is struggling with his behaviour and I am struggling to know how to help him.

We have 1 food group diagnosed and it's gone from intolerance to allergy level now, and I think there might be another now I think about it Basket because he got red lips after tomatoey pasta sauce last week... Forgotten that. I guess that in his body system could be creating issues?

Thanks Weaslem4 - I have to run off soon too. But interesting what you said. Especially identify with the wondering and worrying!

[ihatethecold]

I read a book called "the highly sensitive child" when my DS was young.

It really helped me understand where he was coming from.
It's by Elaine n. Aron

[ThreeBeeOneGee]

A lot of these traits apply to DS2. He was diagnosed with Asperger's at the age of 9. Before that, we weren't sure how much of it was due to giftedness and how much was just 'him'.

The education system has become much easier for him as time has gone on. He is now at secondary school and in his element.

[ThreeBeeOneGee]

Nursery can't discount autism as a diagnosis. Or do they have a child psychiatrist or similar specialist on their staff?

We went to the GP with a list of DS2's concerns and unusual traits. GP referred us paediatrician. Paediatrician (with twenty years experience) referred us to a tertiary centre for children with complex neurodevelopmental issues. A child psychiatrist and a child psychologist together did a two hour assessment, with an observation of DS2 and an extremely long and detailed questionnaire.

[ThreeBeeOneGee]

he is utterly charming.
I think he is hilarious, loving, kind and jaw droppingly bright...

That describes DS2 exactly.

I'm not saying your son has Asperger's, as I couldn't possibly know the answer to that. But if he does have a difficulty e.g. Sensory Processing Disorder or similar, then pursuing an assessment might be helpful for him to get support.

[Staceypottinger]

Hi, I didn't want to read & run. I logged on to get some advice about my 3 1/2 yr old daughter and she seems to fit your description of your son in so many ways I thought i'd respond. Her speech is also really well developed, she is very sensitive to our & others feelings and very sweet and kind the vast majority of the time. Since about 18 months she has stopped sleeping through the night, sometimes she has been up for hours and having major tantrums for no apparent reason. Earlier she went into meltdown because her tights had twisted at the bottom and she just couldn't cope with it. We have been refered to sleep specialist who can't help. The HV and doctor say she is just sensitive. She is fin
e at preschool apart from when I leave her. Then they have to drag her away screaming. I dread her starting school. One of my friends has a son with fragile x syndrome, which often leads to autism or similar disoders and she isn't anything like him which makes me think that unlikely. Anyway, I just wanted to say you are definately not alone in having a very sensitive child and wondering if something serious is wrong. But on the plus side, at least they are kind, loving and sweet as well as challenging x x

[sittingbythepoolwithenzo]

I think it is worth reading the Highly Sensitive Child book, whilst also speaking to school about the possibility of AS/ Autism.

My eldest is sensitive, although not angry. He just processes a huge amount of information very quickly, and also has meltdowns (which are actually panic attacks) when he hits certain triggers.

I was concerned about AS for a while, but every professional who knew him (doctor, HV, nursery and school), were certain he was just processing everything very quickly and in depth.

I have worked with school throughout, and he is growing calmer and more self assured. He is Year 5 now, and is unrecognisable now compared to the frustrated and upset child he was in nursery or Reception.

[Nerfmother]

Why not approach this from the other end? It's causing difficulties at school and at home, what does he need to have help with or adjusted? You don't have to have a diagnosis ready for the paediatrician, just a list of things: do some headings - strengths; areas of difficulty (balance? Handwriting? Making friends? Etc) and needs (needs food cut up; needs reassurance before change etc)
Then ask the school. Then get a referral.

[sittingbythepoolwithenzo]

Stacey - his sleep was also awful. Basically, he aas a colicky newborn, then started having meltdowns and panic type phobias from around two years old.

He had recurring nightmare from 3 years to 4 years, then again just before starting school.

He is just taking too much in. Even now, he can recall every conversation in the classroom, including those between adults, during a day. He notices every little mood swing, and it's taken him a long time to cope with other children getting told off etc.

But he's also very popular, very bright, very sporty and has a fantastic capacity to learn and work. Dream child, but bloody hard work.

[morethanyoubargainfor]

Another book to read is the out of sync child. My son has ASD and aspergers, along wih this he also has sensory processing disorder and I think possibly your DC fits some of the criteria for Sensory processing disorder. Whilst I think it is wrong for nursery to discount ASD I have to say I don't think from your post it screams ASD.

[Lalaloopsydaisy]

My little girl sounds the same. Some clothes and shoes she refuses to wear because they are not comfy. Won't eat some meals because it tastes funny even though it's normally a favorite and gets very worried by simple things. I understand exactly how she feels because I am the same but I can see how it could drive some people crazy. My mum never understood it and this still upsets me years later. I second the highly sensitive child book although I haven't had time to read it all.

[hollyhunter]

some children are just naturally sensitive.

My DD hates the seams on socks and would rather not wear socks at all.
we have to cut all the lables out of her clothes but we have to be careful not to leave scratchy bits behind

she rarely wears jeans, becuase they are too itchy
she loves leggings, loose tops.

she is sensitive to colours too. would wear black everyday looking like a ninja. most patterns are too jazzy for her

she is 10

she is very intelligent, reads 2 years ahead, maths was achieving at the begining of the year what she was expected to at the end of the next year.

Its just the way she is, what makes her unique. we dont stress over it at all.

[Finabhear]

I have a 4yo DS who could fit the.description you give of your DS. I 100% sure that he is just a very curious child who loves to Learn and has a huge amount of energy. DS loves nursery (not in big school yet) and considers it to be his. He is very sensitive to sound and I completely recognise the itchy dance - as an adult who cannot stand clothes that are uncomfortable I have a lot of sympathy with him and tend to not even buy clothes that have labels or other irritants.

[Staceypottinger]

Sounds increasingly similar. My DD repeats a 20-30min conversation word for word and can't break out of it until she's finished and everyone says she is a very deep thinker and very analytical. She hates bright lights, loud noises and echoy spaces (like me) and panics in group situations. She rarely takes any risks & didn't climb until she was probably about 2 1/2. I really hope you get some help & support. He sounds wonderful like mine (!!!), but a challenge to keep calm & happy x x x

[Flippingell]

Thank you all for sharing and giving me things to think about. I really appreciate it. And it's been so helpful to read a part of your 'journey/story'. Feel less overwhelmed.

I want to be able to help/understand how to help him, but currently just feel helpless, adrift from him a little and letting him down.

Going to ask to speak to the teacher and the TA then see the SENCO member of staff.

And now off to order a book or 2 !

Thanks.

[Basketofchocolate]

I think I might look that book up.

Got annoyed at a woman once at playgroup who told me DS was 'highly strung'. Thought he was normal then. Still think he is....but yes, she prob thought I was highly strung too. To me it was lack of sleep - a colicky baby who never slept and still doesn't sleep well - always one eye and one ear open!

He too can recall details of conversations of adults word for word - one reason I took him out of one nursery in fact!

DS still gets in a tizz in public loos due to the hand drier noise - actually cries if it's the really noisy ones.

I've no reason to suspect anything other than the general rule seems to be 'high achiever' = high maintenance.

I recognise myself in my son and was joking with DH recently about DS will need those Rescue Remedy drops when he's older. I blame being very stressed out when I was in late pregnancy, but then we have a long line of stressed out people on my side of the family.

[Basketofchocolate]

Check out the food allergy side of things thoroughly though. Imagine when you feel a bit out of sorts, or run down, how irritable and irrational you can be. When they are little they can't voice those things. He could be feeling bloated or unwell, on a low level, that just makes him more likely to crack under pressure.

DS has bad eczema and when he's flared up he can be a complete nightmary sh*t. It's only after DH and I are close to walking out that we remember that his skin is bad and it correlates with the behaviour. Must be horrid to feel so itchy and uncomfortable all the time.

[matana]

His grasp of language together with some of the other things you mention may mean he's gifted which means he's bored a lot of the time, leading to frustration. Is he challenged enough?

[Finabhear]

Basket, the Dyson hand dryers are bad bit the worst are the ones that go off if you walk too close. DS also melts down over them, so much so that he checks out the loo before he lets me in and then warns me not to set it off!
Public swimming pools with all the splashy fountains are also a problem though he loves swimming lessons in the,big pool that has much less noise.
DS doesn't talk much except to ask why but he will lose himself in a piece of music and not snap out till he has hummed to the end of the tune.

[Lovepancakes]

I think matana is right, I recognise these things in our DS and sometimes his sensitivity makes normal things a bit overwhelming, or he thinks he has such a grasp on everything that he questions grown ups which can be infuriating but it helped me when I realised this is common. I'm also finding that if he isn't challenged (eg learning a new language, new countries on a map, understanding what electricity is etc) he can behave badly and it is exhausting as I can't talk to him the entire day long! He's 2. And didnt cope at all with hand driers for example either, nor music he doesn't like etc. Very strong reactions to things I have to try and anticipate!