My ds has recently turned 3 and started 15hrs of pre-school which is 5 afternoons a week. The taster session and home visit were brilliant and I was very excited about how much he was going to enjoy it and benefit from it. He has been going to a very good cm 2 days a week since he was 9mo so I knew this kind of setting would be a big change for him (he is still at cm's for those days and she takes him to pre-school those afternoons).
Since day 1, drop-offs at pre-school have been very traumatic with ds becoming extremely distressed when either dh or I take him. He is fine and doesn't cry when cm drops him off. However, he tells me he is sad at school and cries there and begs me to not go to work and to stay at home with him. I have spoken to his teacher and she assures me that he is not upset for long and that although he seems a little 'lost' hé is joining in and playing.
The problem is, he now cries when I take him to the cm as well. The whole walk over there this morning he was pleading with me not to take him and saying he doesn't like it. I know he enjoys his time there, when I pick him up he is always having a great time. But the separation from me is distressing him so much and he is able to articulate this in heartrending terms. I will have to take him to pre-school myself tomorrow afternoon and am already dreading it. It tears me up to leave him when heis begging me not to.
I am tempted to remove him from pre-school and take the 15 hrs with the cm instead (would actually save money then!). However, would I just be delaying the problem? If I start him at 4, will it be just as hard?
Also a big concern is that dc2 is due at Easter and all I can think about is that this will be another huge upheaval for ds. I can't bear the feeling that I have traumatised him by having to go to work (financially necessary, if we could survive on dh's salary I would quit in a heartbeat!). Now I am worried that a new baby will bring about yet more stress and worry. I am having difficulty getting excited about a newborn, all I can think of is the continuing stress and upset we are all currently experiencing.
Every day I either have to drop him at pre-school or cm's and I just can't stand any more heartbreaking goodbyes, prising him off my leg, smiling and being positive whilst he weeps and pleads and then the gnawing anxiety and guilt that plagues me for the rest of the day. It is a huge black cloud over me all the time and I'm so afraid of causing him permanent damage by putting him through this even though I know there are benefits to pre-school, the cm and a new sibling. I just don't know how much more of the guilt I can take!
I know this is a very long-winded post but what I want to know is other people's experience of this kind of separation anxiety, any way of helping him and whether or not this will be worth it in the end!
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Separation Anxiety in 3yo destroying me with guilt
19 replies
OrangeMochaFrappucino · 20/01/2014 17:45
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