Advice on getting 8 month old dd into a cot room - and get 5 year old DD1 to stay in her bed! Heeeelp!!!

(19 Posts)
CareerGirl01 Wed 01-Jan-14 21:11:23

DD2 is 8 months old and been sleeping in bed with me - dh sleeps in guest room! I breastfeed her - and still feed her twice in the night. Thing is she cries out and thrashes around which wakes me up. She needs to cuddle me before she'll fall asleep. She does not go in her cot to nap during the day.
As for our nearly five year old - she goes down okay so long as we are in the room with her, but most nights cries out and ends up coming in with me and DD2. WhAt can we do?!!

AGoodPirate Wed 01-Jan-14 21:19:35

Um, are you me?

(I have no useful advice but I'm in exactly the same boat!)

secretsofsanta Wed 01-Jan-14 21:20:57

Sorry im glad im not alone. <helpful>

nervy555 Thu 02-Jan-14 09:41:30

The more people I speak to the more common this seems to be- especially the dh/dp sleeping in the spare room! DOES anyone have any advice?

Frusso Thu 02-Jan-14 09:45:56

Watching. (Same boat) <unhelpful>

LastingLight Thu 02-Jan-14 09:53:31

Sorry no advice on the baby.

As for the 5 year old... first you have to get her to go to sleep without you in the room. Don't interact with her at all after you told her it's sleep time, gave a hug and a kiss, whatever your evening routine is. Then gradually start sitting further and further away from her bed while she is falling asleep until you're eventually outside the door.

Once this is sorted you can tackle the night time issue. When she comes into your bed, take her back to hers. This is exhausting, I know, much easier to just let her sleep with you but it's worth it in the end.

You can also at this stage introduce a reward system, i.e. a treat in the morning if she stayed in her bed the whole night.

Good luck!

BogeyNights Thu 02-Jan-14 09:58:23

Hi. Get a plan of action together but don't try doing it all at once.

Personally I'd start by getting baby to nap in cot during the day. Be persistent because she will not want to change this. But you do, SO IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN. Right? Remember that when she is protesting!! Do not give in!! smile
Once she's gotten used to the cot (a few strong days), start putting her down at night.

Lastly I'd tackle the 5 year old. "Look how good your baby sister is, she goes to bed on her own". Stickers for going down without mummy or daddy. Treat at the end of 5 nights of consistent going to sleep alone and staying there.

We've all seen Supernanny and the like. It is possible but you have to be strong willed. Stronger than your child.

Don't give up. Be in control. You're not being unkind. You love them and they both should learn to fall asleep on their own.

Good luck

Ps. My eldest used to wake between 5-8 times a night for a long time when he was a similar age to your baby. Destroyed us. Nearly. Hatching a plan and sticking to it worked for us. He was sleeping through within a fortnight.

CareerGirl01 Thu 02-Jan-14 19:58:25

Thank you! From tomorrow I will have to start letting DD2 nap in the cot. The reward idea with DD1 seems like a start - DH ordered a gro clock on a friend's recommendation. We will have to be gentle as they both have colds. Is good to know others have been through it and are at the other side bogey and lasting x

CareerGirl01 Thu 02-Jan-14 20:04:42

Having a plan will help too! Hope the other mums are reading.

secretsofsanta Thu 02-Jan-14 20:09:38

Wait until colds go!

CareerGirl01 Fri 03-Jan-14 19:49:19

Right - decided to instigate things with DD1 this evening; I did story time etc and then instead of cuddling her in bed until she fell asleep I sat on a chair and held her hand . We had a few tears and tantrums but she did sleep. DD2's regime of naps in cot starts on Monday x

nervy555 Fri 03-Jan-14 19:54:19

Bogeynights, what was your plan that you hatched? However much I read I still feel in the dark about what to do with my co sleeping frequent waker!

BogeyNights Sat 04-Jan-14 16:27:10

Hi Nervy

DS was sleeping (ha!!) in his own room in a cot at the time. (He was also rather attached to his dummy, which I think may have been some of the problem too).

He started to wake in the night in the early hours and cry and be unable to settle himself. One of us would go to him, give him back his dummy if he'd 'lost' it, give his nappy a check to make sure it wasn't dirty or too wet, and give him a cuddle and put him down and he'd be ok for a short while then he'd cry again until we went to him and on it went for the night. I'd stopped BFing by that time and was at least 8 months old. So DH and I decided that this nightly routine was killing us both so we decided that DS wasn't in need of anything in particular, just anxious that we weren't there when he woke and he didn't want to be left.

I may get flamed for this, but this is what we did...

He would wake and cry. We would go to him the first time and do the usual checks. Cuddle him, settle him, put him down in the cot, stroke his head and leave. He'd start crying almost immediately. So we waited by the door for 15 seconds and let him cry. Then go back in, settle him, put him down, stroke his head and leave the room. He'd start to cry but we would leave him for a bit longer this time before going back in. It really was just 15 or 30 second increments as it feels like much longer than that when they are crying. To start with I think we must have gone in and out 10 or 15 times like this. Then he would finally settle. Our thinking was that he knew if he cried we would come, but each time we would take a tiny bit longer to come. Some would say it's just controlled crying, but I wouldn't leave him for 5 minutes the first time - believe me we'd tried and he'd been know to scream the house down for as long as it took (guilty feeling now).
We probably still got up and repeated this new 'routine' about 8 times the first night. It was hell, but we both felt that we had control over the situation more than before.
The next night was much the same but we truly saw an improvement in a few nights and like I said, he was sleeping through within 2 weeks and was never an issue after that. We did also buy enough dummies to leave around the cot so that if he groped around he could find one and settle himself.
He ended up being a great 'sleeper inner' and when I was heavily pregnant with his little brother and he was 20 months, he was letting me sleep til gone 8am, which was heaven (especially when I went on maternity leave!!)
He's almost 11 now and a great sleeper who puts himself to bed and regularly has to be woken for school in the mornings!

BogeyNights Sat 04-Jan-14 16:28:02

career girl well done, you must feel marvellous for making some progress!

CareerGirl01 Sun 05-Jan-14 17:00:09

Thanks bogey for sharing your story - controlled crying worked for my sister. I will consider it if she doesn't settle!

BogeyNights Mon 06-Jan-14 09:56:20

career girl how's the bed time routine going with your eldest??

CareerGirl01 Mon 06-Jan-14 19:28:16

Bogey didn't go well last night - she's got a nasty cough. But tonight DH held her hand, she went to sleep. How we start doing the moving out ofthe room thing I don't know.

BogeyNights Mon 06-Jan-14 22:02:08

Stick at it. It won't be easy. But it will be worth it in the long run. Stay strong!!

Toecheese Tue 07-Jan-14 20:20:04

I'm trying a fairy will leave a gift for you approach.. So full night sleep equals a small gift on pillow with tiny letter

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