What do you do when your DC takes one look at his food and says NO?

[CADS]

DS (2.5years) is doing this more and more often at lunch and teatime.

What is the best thing to do?

He won't even try the food, and sometimes even rejects things he use to love.

He use to be a very good eater and I use be able to feed him just about anything.

[colditz]

take it away and take him down from the table. nothing but water until next meal.

[YellowFeathers]

If he will sit at the table while you have your meal then do that, agree on a time scale to eat the food and if it hasn't gone take the food away and nothing else until the next meal.

[CADS]

So nothing till snack time at 3pm then? Snack usually yoghurt/fruit or fruit smoothie.

[YellowFeathers]

I even banish snacks!

Can you tell I'm going through this atm

[CADS]

What if he doesn't have his tea at 5pm? Just give him his milk at bedtime?

This mealtime drives me mad because if he doesn't eat, DH gets home from work and gives him chicken nuggets and chips. This really pisses me off but DH just won't accept that ds won't starve himself. So lands up giving him JUNK

[alicemama]

DD1 tried this when she was younger. I would say ok but make her sit and wait at the table while we finished our meal. I tried not to make an isssue of it and carried on cooking the same meals even tho she said she didn't like it.

Now she eats all of the meals that she said she didn't like as she knows that that is what is on offer and mommy issn't going to give me anything else.
If she truly doesn't like something then I'm not going to force down her or anything but I think you know when they really don't like something and when they're trying it on!

HTH

[alicemama]

He won't starve himself..

Have you tried giving him a reward when he does eat his meal? Fav yoghurt or fruit & ice-cream even.

[CADS]

Alicemama - The problem is his communication skills are delayed so he doesn't understand, and then I land up having whinning and tantrums because he is hungry. Especially, because I have to feed dd too (8mnths) then he wants some food too.

[FrannyandZooey]

If this happens with ds I say "Well please could you just try it, because I think you will like it." He licks it or whatever and lo and behold usually does like it. If he doesn't like it, I don't make him eat it.

If this was happening a lot I would get him involved in making / choosing the meal. Let him choose things he likes the look of in the greengrocers, let him touch the different vegetables and help you unpack them, wash them and even cut them up (mushrooms cut quite well with a blunt knife )

You can make pizzas together, help him grate cheese to go on pasta, press the button on the liquidiser for soup, choose fruits from the fruit bowl to go in his yogurt. Mixing ingredients for muesli is another favourite here.

If a meal gets refused I would just offer alernatives that you don't mind him having: Bread, cheese, yogurts, oatcakes, bananas etc. Things that don't require any effort on your part or can even be put in a drawer in the kitchen where he can reach them and help himself. The fussy stage doesn't usually last very long and is not worth spoiling your good relationship over - he will eat when he's hungry.

[YellowFeathers]

I would just explain as best you can even earlier in the day, right this is what we are having for tea if you don't eat it there is nothing else, if you eat it all up you can have a yoghurt etc.

He really really will not starve himself.

My dd sometimes refuses breakfast and lunch but come tea time she scoffs the lot down . We've had days when she hasn't eaten at all and then eaten wonderfully for days after.

[southeastastra]

i say 'well i'll throw it in the bin then' my son usually says 'noooo' at this point, or i give it to his toy cat (he usually wants it then too). it's hard though

[Tortington]

unless its a medical problem this is a power struggle a very effective one and probably the one of the only forms of influence he has.

take the food away and give nothing else

the kid wont starve just be hungry next meal.

so if wont eat breakfast - take it away with a smile and bin it
come 10.30 when he is crying for something to eat tell him he has to wait til lunch.

or if evening meal take away sweetly then at bedtime when crying for something to eat say sweetly - you have to wait til breakfast.


there never ever has to be a "thing" about it

[CADS]

Well, his lunch has been sitting there since 12 and he has been standing at the fridge throwing a crying and whinning for yoghurt for the last 10mins.

He use to 'try then reject' now he 'looks and rejects' immediately. Taking the food away and eating it myself use to get him to eat, now he isn't bothered and my waistline is going to start expanding (look 6mnths pregnant, and dd's already 8mnths )

Think I will stick with the 'offer alternatives' method for now but insist that DH doesn't not offer JUNK!!! as alternative.

I running out of strength to deal with whinning and tantrums. I think adding to them by not giving him anything to eat will just push me over the edge at this stage.

Thanks

[CADS]

Thanks custard, I wish I had the strength to do it that way.

[Mercy]

CADS, I completely sympathise.

My ds is also 2.5 and has been an appalling eater for nearly a year now. Plus his communication skills are limited/delayed imo. I have tried every trick in the book and his diet has become increasingly limited over the last few months - and yet I don't understand why he seems so healthy.

I dread mealtimes now.

[FrannyandZooey]

But why does it have to be a power struggle at all? We are adults, we don't have to "win" all the time the way a toddler does. We can give way graciously (within limits) and show how reasonable adults like to negotiate and help one another. I don't see how forcing your child to either eat a meal they dislike, or go hungry, helps anyone with either a) a good relationship and attitude to food or b) a good relationship and attitude to their parents.

There's no need to make a battle royal out of what should be a) a chance to re-fuel and b) a chance to sit and have a pleasant time together.

[FrannyandZooey]

Yes CADS, just offer alternatives from a selection you are happy with. it doesn't matter if he has a yogurt, does it, if it's a food you're happy with him eating?

[CADS]

Mercy - DS started doing this 7mnths ago after a bad case of tonsilitis and with each illness his food range is getting more and more limited. He is looking quite thin incomparison to then.

He was refered to speech therapy and had his assessment in May. I didn't find it particularly helpful though. He is due his next session in a couple of weeks. His speech is definitely delayed but can't make up my mind about his understanding, even though the therapist said it was delayed too.

Franny - I have no problems with yoghurt. It's just that he had 4 for lunch yesterday and there aren't any left. He has eaten a couple of carrot sticks instead .

[alison222]

Ah but Franny - what do you then do with a child that just waits for you to give in and then give sweet food at the end - such as a youghurt and plain refuses everything else?

CADS my DS used to be like this - and still is to an extent - he is 5.7 now. He oftern comes to the table says Ugh that looks horrible I didn't want that. My relpy is something like "Thats a shame I don't really care if you want it but that is all there is for tea so eat it or don't. its up to you."
Usually he then sits down and eats without a problem.
When he was about your Ds's age he used to scream until he was sick if he didn't like the look of the food. After a week or so of clearing vomit - when he did it at MIL's house I snapped and put him to bed for the night at 5.30 saying "You must be ill because you keep on being sick - Sick children go to bed to get better."
He went to sleep. Slept til 7 the next morning. The winging didn't stop. But the making himself sick did.

It was quite a while later until I decided to try the "in the bin if you don't eat it after XXX minutes and the timer goes ping" approach.
This worked after a week or so , until I relaxed and did away with the timer and he forgot. It came back out on occasions - and eventually he now either eats or goes hungry.

I wuold also ban snacks between meals except for fruit - or something your DS finds not particularly appitizing so that he will be eating as he is genuinely hungry

[Tortington]

i just believe that kids shouldn't have their own way becuase "they want to"

its my way or no way in this house thats how i have managed to raide 3 wonderful children into fairly nice teenagers. becuase they know their limits - they know i am unbending - they know i will do wht i say i will do - its black and white - there no pissing about in the middle - which i think personally for my family and in my own experience is better than pissing the kids about - either making a drama out of something needlessly or one day saying - yes have a yoghurt instead and the next - no, you should eat your dinner.

i believe in starting the way i mean to go on. so that when they are 5 or 10 they dont sit and look at the thoughtfully made dinner or tea you have prepared after working all day and helping with homework inbetween making sure its not burned and think its a piece of shit - becuase they "prefer" a yoghurt" or fruit or a sandwich. i realise this is my experience with my family its my opinion which as a mnetter i was asked for. another opinion to add to other experiences to help the poster decide the best method for them.

In my personal opinion i think many parents are to lighweight with their children and i think children have to be told - there are some things which are non negotiable - this is one of mine although others pick their battles differently. there is no harm in telling a child no. cry and tant all you want kid - but no. lifes hard tough

[blueshoes]

Agree with Franny. You need to choose your battles with toddlers and food is one area where it is not worth it. I find my dd likes quite plain food, not elaborate cooking, so will usually accept alternatives like bread/toast with spread/jam, cheese, yoghurt, satsumas and the all-time fave ... sausage! I am not too bothered about a little treat of biscuits, smarties, ice cream from time to time - no point making it forbidden fruit.

I believe that children, if left to regulate their own diet, will eat what they need over say a week. They might gorge on yoghurt for days on end, but then surprise you by wanting something healthy once that binge is over. hth