Coping with the baby blues/first time mum doubts/feeling over sensitive? Long.

(14 Posts)
everythinghippie29 Thu 26-Dec-13 13:56:34

I'm six days postpartum with my beautiful, gorgeous boy who arrived very late after induction, episiotomy and forceps assisted delivery !

I'm currently finding it both amazingly fun and amazingly difficult unequal measure!

I know it is still very early days and that the baby blues normally kick in around this time. I've been very keen to recognise them early and deal as I have a history of depression and am scared of developing PND.

Yesterday was tough, very tough. I'm BF and yesterday morning DS stopped latching although he was screaming/rooting and trying to suckle. I found this frustrating and for the first time had a good old sob. We also had our 5 day checks yesterday, cue more sobbing through the heel prick etc...

My little man has been feeding really well and my milk came in very early (second day). When the midwife weighed him she explained about up to 10% loss of birth weight etc, turns out fatty here has actually gained weight. I was initially really happy with this. He is pooing/weeing nicely. So far his only real issue is that he doesn't like to sleep in his crib at night which has meant sleep is (as expected) difficult.

Obviously with it being Xmas yesterday we went to my in-laws for dinner. Whilst we were there I just felt like every aspect of parenting was wrong. My PIL are lovely and most if it was just said in passing conversation and certainly wasn't meant to be malicious but I found myself questioning the little amount of confidence I was feeling particularly re. his feeding. I was told he has thrush of his bum (I don't think he does, he's just a little red on the bum) and that's probably from feeding him too much. I was told that he SHOULDN'T have gained, and now feel guilty that he has. Obviously everyone had cuddles and between them we put him down in the Moses basket, someone made a comment about leaving him to sleep EVERY time I went near him, he would be rooting/sucking his fists, I felt I was only ok hold him to feed him. We were there from 1-7:30 and I only fed him twice during that time and I hadn't fed him before we left our house due to rushing around, both of my breasts were engorged and painful at the end of the day and I had to express twice as he was still fussing around the right breast. MIL is a community ped nurse so I felt like I couldn't say anything.

I'm literally covered in an itchy rash I've had all through my 3rd trimester and its really uncomfortable, combined with painful stitches, huuuge piles and the need to take regular stool softeners (making me rather gassy!) I feel really delicate physically. At the end of Xmas day we were told that more of DPs family were round on boxing day and it was taken that we would be going round again today which I really can't face. DP text to say we wouldnt be going because we had another long night and got a text back saying, 'oh please just come over for a bit'. I now feel really guilty.

How did everyone get through this time, let unwanted advice pass over them and feel generally better?

Should I be concerned that my baby had gained weight rather than lost? The midwife didn't seem concerned. Am I doing the wrong thing in feeding him when he is rooting? (Approx every two hours but sometimes less, he does seem to be feeding little and often) Last night patterns on the wallpaper started moving. I feel like I'm losing it and need to know how best to deal.

Sorry for the ramble. My head is all over the place and I feel crazy, sad and confused.

DeckTheHallsWithBoughsOfHorry Thu 26-Dec-13 14:08:48

Stay in bed. I'm surprised you attempted managed such a long visit once so soon.

Establishing a good bf relationship takes time. You're only just getting started and it sounds like you're doing brilliantly. Unless MIL is a bf specialist her job is irrelevant and her bf knowledge is likely out of date. Demand feeding is crucial.

If you and baby can stay in bed today just snuggling and feeding, it will help your supply and his feeding a lot. You can drift off to sleep too if/when baby does, or just enjoy skin-to-skin in a quiet, safe environment.

If DP fancies seeing his family again, he can do so.

purplebaubles Thu 26-Dec-13 14:12:45

Ahh congratulations on your gorgeous new arrival!

I think tbh, you just need to have a rest and hide! Christmas is stressful at the best of times. Cut yourself some slack. I also had induction, forceps and episiotomy with DD, and 6 days pp I had the MIL to deal with - I could have written your post!

Please don't be concerned about your baby, sounds like he's doing just fab. Every two hours is normal. Is this your first baby? Emotions are all over the place from now til about 3 weeks post I found. I'm due our second, and I intend to hide and not deal with any family until I'm ready this time! MIL is certainly not getting a look in 6 days post whilst I'm an emotional wreck!

Get your DH to field the phone/door, and have some cuddle time with your little arrival, and just take some rest. Personally, I found recovering from the birth pretty tough, as I'd had no sleep for 30+hours and I was in pain from the episiotomy. I'm sure natural child birth is less painful than a c section, but not when the poor little one has been yanked out and you've been cut from here to beyond! Look after yourself. flowers

Cheerymum Thu 26-Dec-13 14:18:54

Great advice there from DeckTheHalls. Sounds like you are doing everything right. Looking for and responding to your baby's cues, and instinctively wanting to cuddle up with him in the quiet. Well done you. The crazy sad fragile feeling is really hard but totally normal at this stage, so I don't think you need to worry about PND unless is persists several more weeks OR you feel indifferent about your baby, which it sounds like you absolutely don't!
Have a quiet cuddly skin to skin demand feeding day, it's not the time for two consecutive days with lots of rellies. I'm no BF expert, but I am exclusively BF my 3 month old twins and the advice above is spot on, especially in the early days. And get your DP to supply you with plenty of water/squash/tea and delicious foodie treats, and slap on plenty of nipple cream whenever you remember.

Congratulations everything and huge well done son your feeding. My job involves working with new mums and babies and bf is a big part of that. If a new born bf baby has put on weight then that is absolutely fantastic and shows what an amazing job your doing.

The guidelines for bf'ing a new born is little and often and no longer than 2 hours in the very early days. Looking for cues is your babies way of communicating he is hungry and sounds like you are doing that rather than wait til he is screaming the place down.

If you go too long between feeds your breasts can become sore and engorged which ca lead to problems with baby latching on and possibility thrush or mastitis.

I think you did great being with inlaws for such a long time and if it wasn't for the fact that it was Christmas then no one would probably have expected you to be out for such a long visit.

It sounds like mil just wants to show the baby off but is not really thinking of you. Stand your ground and have a cozy day at home with your family.

Cheerymum Thu 26-Dec-13 14:20:24

PS don't worry about the weight gain, it's fine.

TheFantasticFixit Thu 26-Dec-13 14:24:11

Oh you poor love. It's a right old trauma at this point - your poor body and head feel ravaged just at the point this little being needs you and your body the most. What you are feeling is perfectly normal baby blues, and it may last a few more days yet. And I think you already know that if your instincts are that it's more than that then you need to go and get checked out - I had undiagnosed PND and it was horribly tough and I'm only just dealing with it now I'm pregnant with DD2.

As for the unwanted advice - irritatingly, you'll get a lot of this. For some reason the world and his wife becomes an expert on raising a child upon the second that you give birth. I would adopt the ignore approach and follow your instincts. I can imagine though that's hard with your MIL's occupation! They are being not,really selfish though expecting you to go to see them again today and you are totally justified in staying in bed, with chocolate, and establishing breastfeeding, which takes time. Are the breastfeeding helplines open today for La Leche and NCT? Of they are, give them a call and have a chat about the latch.

The only way you are going to feel better is by taking it easy on yourself and not meeting the frankly absurd expectations of your Dp's family. This is YOUR baby, your way, your instincts and YOUR body that needs time to recover by taking each day as it comes. It's a huge, life changing event - an amazing whirlwind of emotion that comes like a tsunami. Be gentle on yourself.

Massive congratulations on your Christmas bundle thanks

TheFantasticFixit Thu 26-Dec-13 14:27:15

They ARE being selfish wanting you to visit! Not 'not'...!

And the weight gain and regular demand feeding is absolutely fine btw

All the advice you've had here is great smile

Sod the outlaws, do what you WANT to do, which I suspect is rest and cuddle your gorgeous lo.

You're doing brilliantly, baby gaining weight so soon is just wonderful, and shame on your MIL for trying to make you think any differently.

PND is not guaranteed (although of course you are wise to be vigilant) and as long as you are able to follow your instincts, you may well not find yourself feeling more than the exhaustion and hormonal tears that turned you into mummy smile

everythinghippie29 Thu 26-Dec-13 15:02:27

Thank you all so much. thanks

Cried (again) reading your responses, I feel so much better getting good feedback on his weight gain and feeding patterns especially! His latch seems fine today now I have had so.e time for a play around and switched positioning on the right boob! We even just had a nappy/clothes change that was not accompanied by 'it must be the end of the world' screaming!grin

Have decided I am taking the good advice given. Trying not to feel guilty but am now in bed, slathered in soothing cream for my rash with little man passed out asleep on me snuffling and generally smelling gorgeous. I intend to remain here for the rest of the day.

Hoping I'll feel better for it tomorrow and will keep doing what im doing.

Like I say, DPs family are lovely and I know full of first grandchild excitement so will continue to approach delicately, let them know I'm happy to take advice on board but stick to my guns.

Phew, this is tough but so, so worth it.

WaitingForPeterWimsey Thu 26-Dec-13 17:00:23

Tbh you not only sound like you are doing ok, but that you are doing amazingly grin

In my LLL bf book 'the womanly art of bf' which is so reassuring, it says that some bf relationships between mum and baby get off to such an amazing start that baby's weight reflects that - as yours has!! The LLL book says offer often, even when baby isn't asking yet - like if you had a guest Statting you wouldn't wait for them to say 'soooo hungry now' before you brought out the food. You've obviously been doing brilliantly at that! Maybe worth buying the LLL book? You can get it at Amazon and it is brilliant for all these little questions.

Lucky baby is all I can say - life sounds idyllic for him smile

WaitingForPeterWimsey Thu 26-Dec-13 17:03:54

Oh and so many babies only want to sleep on you! DS was just the same and I found life much easier when I followed his cues rather than trying to get him to sleep on his own - just started letting him fall asleep on my knee after feeding and it resolved so much stress!

Have you got a sling yet? Putting DS in that all the time was a life saver for me - I highly recommend it!!

WaitingForPeterWimsey Thu 26-Dec-13 17:06:39

I just reread your op - blimey you did well visiting someone at this stage! I think you are awesome for managing that and honestly don't know how you've managed it - am beyond impressed. I didn't leave the house for a week.

everythinghippie29 Thu 26-Dec-13 18:16:02

Aww thank you so much Waiting smile

I will check out the book you suggested! Its nice to be assured his weight gain is positive. Little piggy that he is!

Feel lots better now for spending the day just chilling out with LO and DP.

Have told my MIL we will go and stay overnight in a few weeks when in feeling a bit better and we have more of a routine, that way she can have round the clock cuddles but I'm certainly going to be feeding him on my terms and letting everyoe know if I feel they are being over critical.

Hope you all enjoy the rest of the holidays!

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