Chunterring, how, how do you stop it?

(20 Posts)
Flambards Wed 18-Dec-13 19:46:38

Dd is 3.6 and for the last few months she has taken to non stop bubbling on. I love her dearly but I've also got a non sleeping 6 month old, and her jabbering forms a wall of noise when combined with the fact that he is a real grizzler. I'm really struggling here, I can't think straight when they're doing this. Its often not even words but riffing on rhymes, snippets of nursery songs, etc, Some days I find it hard to grit my teeth and once, to my shame, I did say 'dd, please, PLEASE! BE QUIET!' In a less than motherly tone of voice. I don't want to squash her spirit, but I need to be able to get her to stop doing this before I turn into a total shrew. Help!!!!

stubbs0412 Wed 18-Dec-13 20:29:44

Distraction, I had this last week with two jolly carol singers practising for the nativity!

Kiwiinkits Fri 20-Dec-13 11:49:49

Storybook CDs are your friend.

Kiwiinkits Fri 20-Dec-13 11:50:28

And I completely understand the less than motherly voice wink

RoganJosh Sun 22-Dec-13 05:58:34

I'm afraid my five yr old hasn't stopped yet. I think it's just what they do until they learn to think without speaking. I find it a bit less annoying if we're doing something constructive together, or if it's a bit directed. So I'll ask her to sing me something or tell me about something where I know there will be no questions.

superchick Tue 24-Dec-13 06:32:32

Oh no. I assumed ny 2.4 yr old would grow out of this soon but it sounds like we have a way to go. I try to reserve the "less than motherly voice" for when it descends into whining or extreme repetition but its still quite cute at this stage.

backinaminute Tue 24-Dec-13 06:41:48

I a really sorry to say this it my very nearly 3yo is exactly the same. My Mum thinks it's hilarious as she said 'you were like this and you NEVER stopped' blush, seeing it as a karma thing.Still talk too much now. I totally get it now Mum.............grin

Storybook CDs in the car save my sanity. At least I can ignore The Gruffalo and it doesn't ask a million questions.

Have a wine grin

Greedygirl Tue 24-Dec-13 06:53:04

My DS drives me to distraction sometimes with the noises he makes! As you say OP, not necessarily sentences, just random noises, snippets of songs, a word he likes repeated in a variety of voices! He is 6 grin. Distraction is your friend if you can focus against all the noise - we so quick quizzes or play games. If we are at home I am afraid I do stick the tv on to a programme I know he will be mesmerised by just so I can hear myself think for half an hour!

My 4 and a half year old has been at it since she was about 2! It has calmed down a bit since she went to school. I agree with story book audio cd's, she quietens down for them. Sometimes I 'bet' her that she can't stop talking for 10 seconds. About 5 seconds in she says "no, you're right, I can't do it!"

Dad257 Tue 24-Dec-13 07:22:12

Wow, why would you want to stop it? My small ones are all talkers, and nonsense it is too, but I'm very aware that in 4 years even the youngest will have stopped. If you listen it's a great way of finding out what's on their minds (For example I found out DS was terrified of the Fat Controller - all I knew was that he ran from the room if Thomas came on TV).
It may bother you now but in a couple of years you will miss it.

inadreamworld Wed 25-Dec-13 23:51:36

I love it and would rather my 2.8 year old talked than didn't. I talk a lot myself though so maybe that is why I don't mind. I had never heard the word chuntering before which is why I looked at this thread!

nailslikeknives Thu 26-Dec-13 22:51:33

Sleep deprivation is a bitch. I bet you'd be more than happy with the chuntering if you'd had a good 8 hours (ha ha, dream on, right?)
It's great that she's so eloquent, but if you need a break (you're human, you're allowedthanks), then maybe stick the telly on for a bit? Maybe let her watch the snowman? Tis the season and that's 30 quiet minutes in our house. I say quiet, truth is DS1 narrates all the way through, I just don't listen at that point!

Iwannalaylikethisforever Thu 26-Dec-13 22:54:37

Why stop ! It's cute, zone out if you need. But don't crush her enthusiasm .

inadreamworld Thu 26-Dec-13 23:43:50

I think your main stress is the sleep deprivation - the chattering doesn't matter but hopefully your baby will start sleeping better soon.

Flambards Fri 27-Dec-13 00:19:14

Thanks all,

It's good to know its not just me, but I can't take a sanguine view of it. I guess I'm just old, but I was brought up in the old 'children should be seen and not heard' tradition &'try as might I can't shake it off. Noise of any kind drives me berserk but relentless chunterring is intolerable. She talks,over my DH, interrupts adults all the time, it isnt cute, it's rude, and I can't get her to understand that. Somehow I need to get her to understand the difference between talking to someone, and just talkingntomhear the sound of your own voice. I think she could understand if I could only come up,with the right words. She asks to 'have a conversation' with me, and can understand the notion that only one person should speak at a time as she wil get cross if, as she perceives it, she's interrupted, saying 'no daddy, I'm talking to mummy' and similar. But she doesn't put into practice what she knows. I need to be able to get her to differentiate 'alkimb' and 'communicating' maybe. Any ideas?

MsPickle Fri 27-Dec-13 00:53:45

Could you try a conversation spoon? I only know about it from drama clubs as a teen but basically you have something like a wooden spoon and when you've something to say you have the spoon. When you've finished you give the spoon to the person you're talking to so they can respond. Might give you the starting point of understanding the tennis of conversation, reassure her that you do want to listen and give you a element of control (wait 10 minutes and we'll play the spoon game so I can listen properly.)

I also wondered reading it whether she's trying to find her place with her new sibling through the chat as well, it's one of the things that makes her different. I know it's hard when you're tired (mine are 4 and 1 so I'm can empathise about the sleep deprivation!).

ARealPickle Fri 27-Dec-13 01:03:11

I think part of it at that age is they are still learning so much. Part of it will be that they are just "thinking aloud", talking to hear the sound of your own voice is completely normal at that age. Where as you or I might have 100 thoughts whizzing around in our head, they are expressing them all (hence random singing, random snippets) to help think them through, digest them etc.

The How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk (or similar) book is quite good I found.

It doesn't mean you need to listen properly to it all though if its driving you nuts. Maybe suggest she play with some happyland or similar (my daughter would then make them talk to each other) and talk to you in a bit.

As for the rude thing, its hard. I don't think children have any less right to talk than adults but they don't always "get" interrupting at that age. At 4 my daughter would ask and I could say "in a minute I'll listen to you properly but right now I'm busy" or "I'm going to be a minute talking to daddy and then I'll listen". If you do that its important to then give them your attention when you've finished doing xyz so that they can be assured in future you really will listen to them in a moment and so will let you carry on the conversation etc.

DreamingAlice Fri 27-Dec-13 10:27:55

It's not cute when it is non-stop 24/7 and when it prevents you from being able to concentrate or think for 5 seconds about anything. I am not sure that people that are saying how cute it is have experienced the relentlessness of the chunter. Really, I am all for the cute chatter but we had this with DD, only it was singing. Constant constant singing and it got to the point where it ws really driving us round the twist. The good news is she did grow out of it eventually.

Goldmandra Fri 27-Dec-13 10:35:42

It's not cute but it is her learning and practising language and thinking skills.

I would think twice before telling her to stop.

You need to change your perception of it. It is a positive process so you need to see it in a positive light.

You need to find some coping strategies to help you deal with the emotions it triggers in you, rather than trying to change your behaviour. If your emotional response is that extreme, perhaps you need to look at why that is.

Mutt Fri 27-Dec-13 10:45:28

I used to have a chunterer...DS would speak from the moment he woke up until he crashed out at night. He was a big crier as a baby as well and I decided that he was just trying to communicate even from those very early days.

The constant jabbering all day, every day would drive me nuts so I do understand how you feel. I coped with it by zoning out a lot of the time and perfected making "Umm" and "Ahh" noises at appropriate moments.

He's 12 now and it just gradually decreased over the years. He still has a tendency to chatter sometimes but now I'm grateful because we actually have conversations, unlike some of my friends who struggle to drag two words from their DC, and he is also happy and confident to speak when spoken to. I do think it's a personality thing and what is annoying to you now will pay off in the future.

Try not to quash it and make her feel that what she has to say is worth listening to (even if much of it really isn't!) but take no notice of those trying to make you feel less than perfect because you find it annoying - they have no idea!

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