9 yr old boy with self-image problems

[AmandaP]

Hi - I'm becoming increasingly concerned about my 9 and half year old son. He's a happy chap, lots of friends, loves lots of different activities, including acting - he's quite happy on the stage etc.

However it is becoming clear to me that he thinks of himself as fat or podgy. He absolutely isn't but there are two things which may contribute to why he thinks like this.

Firstly he has an 'outie' tummy button - he's never had a problem with it before, he's always quite happy swimming etc, and in fact has always liked making a bit of a joke of it with his friends (ie he lifts his t-shirt, one of them pokes it, and he makes a funny noise!) He knows that he can have a small operation to tuck it in if he wants to, and we were advised by the GP to leave it up to my son to decide if that is the route he wants to go.

Secondly, his posture isn't brilliant. He's double jointed in his limbs (just like his father) and when he stands, his knees bow backwards and his lower back has an abnormal arch to it, therefore sticking his tummy out.

This has come to the fore now due to the excessive heat - I have realised that the reason he is so keen on wearing his school sweatshirt all day, everyday, is not because he doesn't feel the heat (as he told me) but because he thinks it covers him up and makes him less "podgy" (his words, not mine)

Neither his dad, his younger sister or I have weight problems, and we are an active family - lots of walking, cycling, riding, surfing etc.

In all other ways he is a happy confident chap, but this gives me cause for concern. Or am I over-reacting? Does anyone have any ideas?

Many thanks Amanda

[Beauregard]

Tred very carefully but try and get him to open up a bit more about how he feels about himself,has anyone passed comment on his appearance?it can only take 1 negative comment to create a problem.

[Katymac]

I have had this with DD (8) However it is (I think) easier with girls (to some extent)

We have been working on a scrap book with lots of positive role models

Could you get pictures of young sports people

You can cut ut silhouettes and get you DS to pose in the same stance and cut his picture out - if you get the scale right you can compare the shapes

But boys may not like this stuff?

[LaidbackinAsia]

Hi Amanda, I had this with my 9 yr DS. Someone at school had called him fat - although he is really quite an average size and shape.

Firstly, I helped son look up some childrens BMI Measures on the internet to demonstrate to him that he was well within the normal weight for his height and age ( you need to be careful with these as they are not always reliable.) I used them mainly for reassurance purposes.

I also talked to him about why other people might be mean to him and how he could respond to any criticisms and comments.

I gave him lots of positive affirmation about his body, particularly when we were doing activities together eg. swimming. I also think that having a good body image yourself helps kids.

Also, I was double jointed as a kid and I used to do really well at gymnastics and other things that required flexibility - maybe he could reframe his double jointedness to see it as an advantage ?

Now he doesn't mention his size and seems much happier with his body. Hope this helps.

[AmandaP]

Thank you - there are some good ideas here.

LaidbackinAsia (great nickname by the way!) - do you have anywhere in particular that you would recommend I go for the BMI measures? I will look on the internet but if there was anywhere you'd recommend, that would be most helpful!

What I struggle with is the dichotomy of it - how he can be happy swimming, surfing and on the stage, yet wants to wear his jumper at school? I guess it's the school environment as opposed to the environment/platform that he chooses.

Thanks again for your help.

Kind regards,
Amanda