Trying cry it out tonight..how do I handle night waking(224 Posts)
So I'm at my wits end. 7mo cut his two molk teeth and now he doesn't seem that fussy with teething so I want to try cio method. He can't settle himself without my help and he wakes almost every hour at night and only wants 1-2 oz milk. He has two feeds as he can't settle at 2am and 5am without milk.
I tried pick up put down but it wasn't effective. I can count on one hand how many nights he's slept through!
I will try cio with no comforting at bed time but how do I handle night wakings after that? I don't want to make it harsh on him..thought I'd tackle those wakings once he manages to put himself to sleep at the beginning of the night.
Has anyone used cio and how did you handle night waking?
I don't think you can do cry it out when they are teething, remember teeth hurt more before they appear, so there a probably more teeth coming. I think you just have to ride the storm on this one tbh, see if more teeth appear. 7 months is not that long to have a baby that does not sleep through; yes I know you want to punch me in the face for saying that right now but it's true!
I'd concentrate at the getting to sleep at the start of the evening, same routin, bath, story winddown etc. The same every night without fail. The familiarity will help him settle. Start to give less and less milk each time at night.
Also try a dummy, both mine had them at night and they were a God send, after a while it dropped out of their mouths and they were fine. Their teeth are fine now they are 7 and 11! They are not the devils work and help out knackerd mothers and overwrought babies!
Thanks for your response but considering he will get another 18 teeth till he's 2-3 i don't know how i can ride this out and how would I know more are coming so quickly?
I give the dummy but he's just so unsettled that he wakes himself up.
I do stick to a consistent bedtime ritual but that's not helping him go to sleep by himself
You can teach them to self settle without resorting to CIO.
We did a kind of wimpy version of controlled crying, so, normal bedtime routine, cuddle, put in cot and leave the room. They bellow. You go back in after one/two mins or so and comfort, but don't spend ages and don't take them out of the cot. Leave the room. They bellow. Rinse and repeat, including at night wakings.
I had to use a timer - I genuinely believed she had been crying for 5mins+ when actually it was only 1. Basically I was going to her far too fast and she never learned to self settle. We did this at 10mo when she was no longer having night feeds. It worked in two nights, and we never had to do it again.
Then there's the second child method - make no attempt whatsoever to sleep train your child but inadvertently leave them crying when doing bedtimes by yourself and dealing with difficult 2yo. Baby slept through at 6mo.
I don't think you would be able to do CIO at bedtime but then do something different at later wakings - I think whatever you do needs to be consistent, whether it's 2pm or 2am. Babies love rituals as it's the only way they can get an inkling of what's going to happen before they understand words, so if you always whisper "it's time to go to sleep" and stroke their head before they have a nap, then they will learn to associate that 'noise'/action with the idea of having a nap. Also, I think that grants has hit the nail on the head with the main drawback of any kind of controlled crying - if you hit a problem like teething/illness it all goes out the window and you'll be back to square one again.
I did pretty much what fruitsalad did - I don't follow a particular 'method' but I didn't want to just leave my son crying, and at the same time I have a back problem which means I can't pick him up a million times a day/night. I put him in his cot awake but tired, do the same action/phrase and leave straight away - if he cries I go back in each time and repeat the action/phrase every time and leave again. He now never cries at bedtime and if he wakes up at night he'll self-settle unless he's ill, and in the day I might have to go back in 3 or 4 times at most before he naps. It did take a lot of effort to get him to this point, but I feel like it's better (for me) than a more controlled method because it feels as though he's learnt to self-settle happily, rather than because he's got no other choice.
Hey peeps ok so I went with my gut instinct and let lo cry it out. It was pretty horrendous as he cried for half hour then slept for 40 mins and then woke and cried another hour. He then slept till midnight and started crying on and off for half hour but guess what, he has not woken up for a feed yet. It's now coming up to 4am. I guess I am up because I am so used to getting up. Hopefully he can stretch another 3 hours of sleep.
Will post the outcome later today..
He woke at 5.11am and after crying and whingeing for 10mins he was sleeping again. He did the same thing at 6.30am and then slept till 7.30am.
I won't train him on the naps yet, just want to nail bedtime first. . Hopefully less tears tonight
Ok, I get that you are tired, god knows we've all been there and it's utterly shit, but honestly, I really really don't think leaving a baby to CIO is ever ok. Unless I've got the wrong end of the stick and you were going in regularly to check on/comfort him.
I know he's your baby, but please consider the options. Andrea Grace has a great book called gentle sleep solutions which i would recommend.
I hope you don't think I'm interfering, I genuinely do understand how desperate sleep deprivation can make you.
you left him to cry alone for an hour? really?
there is no gut instinct that tells you it's okay to leave your baby to cry. your instinct tells you the opposite. that's what makes it so hard to listen to.
this has made me really sad. there are other ways to deal with broken nights and unsettled babies.
Jesus why do I read these threads? He's 7 months old.
your instinct was to let him CIO? Really?
Honestly, he's 7 months old and teething. That's what babies do. You can use gentler methods, they just take a little more time. You could have tried controlled crying at least?
As a parent I have a different style to others who have commented recently. Yes I let him cio because going in was exasperating the situation and making him cry more.
Incidentally he woke up at 7.30 and was smiling and talking away.
This evening it took half hour instead of the lengthy hour+
During the day i always nap with him so he has endless mummy and cuddle time so I balance things out well.
You let a baby cry alone for an hour?
I have a 7 month old. NOTHING could make me ignore her cry for an hour. It would actually be painful. I struggle leaving her for 3 MINUTES.
Your baby must be so confused.
7months and not sleeping through? Totally normal.
Your responsibility to comfort and tend to your child doesn't end when you're ready for bed or when you are tired. Would you leave your child crying for an hour in the day like that and totally ignore it. I doubt it. But now you're tired, so it's ok.
Sleep training IMO is a result of a lazy western society and goes against all our natural instincts. In evolutionary terms, there's no way babies would be left to cry so mum and dad got some kip. Baby would have been eaten by the nearest predator!
My ds is 2.5 and has never slept through and I get it, It's exhausting, but he will sleep through at some point. But it will be when he's ready and until then I will just deal with it, tired or not.
At 7 months old, he has no idea about routines or any concept of time, he just knows he wants his mum.
Every parent goes through sleep deprivation and it sucks. It's fucking awful especially if like me you have severe thyroid and pituitary problems. However 7 months is in my opinion far too little for any sort of sleep training and I don't agree with cio for any age. Would you want someone to let you cry yourself to sleep? I wouldn't want my dh to do that to me now let alone a baby at 7 months.
With both of mine I fed on demand (formula fed) and held them until they were calm and put them down with a dummy and if they cried I'd pick them up and hold until calm and so on. Sometimes for what felt like all bloody night.
But ... In my own experience they felt secure and soon learn I'd come when they needed me. Both slept through from about 7 months by doing this gradually dropping the night feeds themselves.
I know it's exhausting but it must be even more exhausting for your baby who must be confused and upset.
Also did you not offer a feed any of those times he woke up?? At 7 months it is perfectly normal to want a feed during the night. You need to go and see tto him, keep the room dark and quiet, offer a feed and hold him till he is relaxed and put him back to sleep again. If he doesn't sleep you need to hold him again. You can't just ignore him all night !
Don't worry he'll give up completely eventually I'm sure.
Try not to get upset by some of the other posters, like you say some people parent differently.
I did CIO for my 6 month old as the 'gentler' sleep methods of controlled crying, gradual retreat and PU/pd just seems to make him more cross and led to more crying.
That said though I only did it for the initial put in cot & get to sleep (it was taking 4+ hours to get him to sleep) when he woke in the night I still breastfed him & I think it is extremely normal to still experience night waking at 7 months, my DS needed a feed in the night until 11months ish.
So I would say don't do sleep training when they are ill and hungry xxxx
Also wish I hadn't opened this thread.
If you disagree with CIO why open the thread? The OP clearly stated her intentions in the title.
You are entitled to disagree with her decision just as she is entitled to make that decision. We have no idea what has led her to make that decision and to just pile in and vilify her is unsupportive and extremely judgmental.
Good luck OP, i hope you both start to get some rest whTever method you use.
I did CIO when my dd was 10 months old. All of the other methods we tried just seemed to get her more and more upset - she spent a lot less time crying while doing CIO than she did with PU/PD. It was tough the first few nights but she was much happier in the long run and is an excellent sleeper now. I did not let her cry that long if she woke in the night, though. I put a timer by my bed and set it for 5 min when she started crying. If she was still crying when it was done, I went an offered her a feed. I stopped after about a week as she was no longer crying for any length of time. I actually think I had been responding to her cries too quickly and waking her up, as I've now figured out that she lets out a couple of cries every time she rolls over.
Disagree with CIO but not going to finger wag lol
If you're on faceachebook have a look at the evolutionary parenting page .. Never had this as we co slept but tried CIO once. Out of desperation. I think I left ds to cry for about five mins before I thought sod this, he's a tiny baby (he was two, lol) and I won't be able to have him near me soon when he gets older. Not much after that he decided to be a big boy and sleep in his own bed. I miss him I know you feel knackered, here's me posting as up with a new baby at 4am having just spent an hour driving round trying to get her to sleep.. So trust me I know, but your little one doesn't need sleep training right now. He needs his mummy, and cuddles. Will he sleep with you or in your room?
Not being an arse as I did read your thread title just thought a bit of 'how about trying' wouldn't hurt
During the day i always nap with him so he has endless mummy and cuddle time so I balance things out well.
Daytime cuddles do not balance out an hours crying in the mind of a 7mth old. They just don't. He doesn't understand that cuddles in day = love at night when he is sobbing his heart out for you. He is way too young to understand that, he lives in the moment & in 60 of those last night, he was distressed.
He stopped crying for one of two reasons, 1] he realised that no one was coming to answer him, so gave up 2] he was flat out exhausted .
Op, I KNOW you think that everyone parents differently & they do, but letting your 7mth old cry for an hour is not a different parenting technique at all. It is cruel.
Please reconsider. Gradual withdrawal worked for both my girls & is much much kinder for all concerned.
If you disagree with CIO why open the thread? The OP clearly stated her intentions in the title
because many parents aren't aware of how much CIO can affect their children, so we want to help the op understand...is that OK with you?
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