Very, very clingy 2yr old- I dont know how to convince her to like DH

[kbaby]

Help,
This is a long post.
DD has always been a bit of a mummies girl but not too bad with DH or anyone else etc, However over the past 6 months she has got more and more clingy to the point where she refuses if DH says theyll do anything together.

She screams if DH tries to change her nappy, bath her, dress her etc. She will do certain things with him ie chase around the garden but wont let him do anything else. Its become really wearing as I have to do everything for her and even if I let DH do things I have to put up with her crying that she wants mummy which breaks my heart and also pushes DH out. She follows me about all day and wants me to sit next to her on the settee, me to read the book ETC. I keep suggesting things for DH to do ie. 'Shall Daddy read you a nice book' but all she says is 'no, mummy do it'

Im due to have a baby soon so im not sure how this will change things but at the moment I just feel sorry for DD because shes crying if I wont do things with her and I feel awful for DH as he doesnt get to be with DD much because she wont play/stay with him and so does everything with just me. If I go anywhere ie shopping she has to come.

Im on maternity now and so the problem has also extended to not wanting to go to grandparents and the clingyness has got even worse.

How can I try and get her to enjoy DH a bit more??? I want her to like her Daddy and for us both to spend equal amounts of time with her. I am fed up or hearing her cry for me and not knowing if I should just bath her as it keeps her quiet or if I should ignore her pleas and let DH do it.
Please help, how do I turn a clingy toddler into a happy one.

[curtaintwitcher]

my ds was like this with myself and poor dh couldnt do anything for him. However then dd came along and he semi had no choice but also wanted dh more as I went into hospital to have dd and was gone 2 nights. No advice really apart from even when she is crying for you to do it let your dh continue. Maybe leave them alone more often to as she will then et used to his company.

[oops]

Message withdrawn

[jambot]

Ever seen that programme 'I want my Mummy'? The mothers basically go on strike and leave the children with their father for the weekend while they are whisked off to a spa. Without the mother around, and the father as the only caregiver, the children didn't have any problem with their dads at all and dad was number one by the end of the weekend. Maybe you should leave her totally alone with him. Leave the house for fairly long periods so that she has a chance to calm down and get over the fact that you've left and be distracted by playing with her Dad. Or get him to take her to the park, play centre etc, so that she associates a pleasurable activity with her dad.
My DD is a bit funny with her dad and she screams the place down for a few minutes if I leave her with him, but it doesn't take long to get over it and she's soon reading a book or playing with him.

[jambot]

I also found that with DH he was always chasing her, throwing her in the air, tickling her etc. All quite hectic activities and I think she started to think that every time he came near her it was going to be something like that, and she doesn't always like such rough play.
So now he does more reading, soft tickling of her back, peekaboo etc.
I know it's horrible when they don't want to go to their Dad. I feel so sorry for DH as he so wants to spend time with her, but if I'm around she just wants me. You just have to give them as many one on one opportunities as possible. And DH will have to persevere. Sure she'll be a Daddy's girl soon enough.

[psychomum5]

I have had and still do have clingy kiddies, but only while they were tiny.

DD1 was while I was pregnant with DD2, on the run up to turning 2yrs. As soon as I had DD2 however she turned straight to dadday again and all was lovely. Hers was caused simply by the knowledge that mummy wasn't as able to do things and making sure I still would. I think it boils down to them simply not really 'knowing' that there is a new baby coming, but by the fact that they do know that there is changes going on.

DD2 did the same while I was pregnant with DD3, to the point of reducing me to tears....again all changed when baby was born!!!

Same for each with a new baby, altho I now have a youngest one DS2 (4 on weds), who hasn't got past it yet as there hasn't been a new baby to help him adjust. Altho, it isn't just me he clings to.....it is equal bursts between me and daddy, depending on who has had most time with him on the weekend. After our recent holiday he was completely daddy, daddy, daddy ( for me a little, altho there was a yay too!).

soooooo.....what I am trying to say.....it is a phase that is completely normal and one which will change asap.

I dealt with it (and still do) by just going with it. Not pushing away, but then not taking over either if daddy does do something, just acknowledging how they felt. Each one wasn't pushed until they were then ready, and seemed to get thro it somewhat quicker too. (well, compared to friends little one at the time who she did push, and so it seemed to go on for well over 6mths longer than my DD).

Oooh, and a glass of wine helped lots too, altho as you are prgnant maybe not as recommended. Maybe a trip out for a quiet coffee once a week without her, even for an hour, and that will be something to help you not hear the whinging/screaming, and it won't be long for your DH to cope. Just a thought.....is it possible????

[kbaby]

You may be right about getting him to do more things with her. I have noticed that if theyve been forced together ie he has to mind her then the next day shes more happy to spend time with him.

I guess the main problem is probably DH as he works until 7pm and frankly cant be arsed to make an effort to play with her on the weekends so therefore she comes looking for me to do things with her.

[OppressedLiberalPinko]

Go out and leave them together regularly at the weekends.

[spots]

Kbaby, when I had dd2 I was very worried about leaving DH and dd1 together without me. It was a two-way problem really... not just DD's fault for 'being clingy' but DH's way with her, as Jambots described, was very blokish which I found (still find) frustrating because I believe he's capable of more subtlety than that! Anyway, they really found out a lot about each other while I was in hospital and it turned out to be one of the best things about that period of time. I think they have reaped the benefits of it ten times over since DD2's birth. Funny how these things go.

He didn't really change his way of being with her, by the way, I think just not having me available for direct comparison made him seem different to her. Don't feel you have to do too much engineering. The situation you are in will naturally mean that their relationship changes anyway, esp. if you're breastfeeding all the time after the birth too.

[jambot]

kbaby - maybe that's the crux of the matter. DH has got to bite the bullet and spend more time one on one with your DD. My DH has never been hands-on with regards nappy changing, bathing etc, which I don't mind as he's at work and I'm not, but they need to make the effort to play with and spend time with the child. Not just sitting there watching the tv while the child's in the room, but giving the child even 20 minutes of undivided attention and affection. DH always does a bedtime routine cuddle and night night routine before bringing my DD up for her milk and bed.
I think you'll find that there are many men out there that pretty much leave the childrearing to the mother and then wonder why the child is offish with them.