I hope I'm just PFB but I'm worried- srry this will be long

[onenutshortofasnickers]

Hi I have my DS who is 21months, turns 2 in Feb; and I'm a bit worried about his development; social and understanding sort of things really but will give you a back story-

At around 9 months he still couldn't sit up and the HV was starting to get worried and schedule more visits then he suddenly learnt a little after that. (she is a lovely brilliant health visitor!)

He was also late with walking, can't remember exact age but we had the same sort of thing where we were starting to worry (myself, DH and HV;) but he suddenly 'got it' and all was okay, however the gap this time was a little bigger, iykwim?

Anyway he still isn't talking but constantly babbling his own language; he can say words like; mumum, dada, nononon, yeahyeahyeah but he never uses these in context and never calls us mumum or dadad and he apparently says car but he has never in front of me only MIL, I think he says them because they are a sound he can say and uses them but he doesn't seem to know how to use them etc.

He also headbuts; normal toddler behaviour I know, but it got so bad the other day nursery rang and asked me to collect him because they could calm him, he headbuts over everything when frustrated and keeps doing it even when it hurts him. e.g. I go to pour him a drink but he gets impatient and headbuts and screams. He can't understand that I am getting him his drink even though I explain it and if feels like he thinks I'm keeping it form him? I don't know, I can't explain well. It's just all the time.

He just doesn't seem to understand anything you say to him, questions or anything; we talk to him all the time and read to him constantly (he loves it when you read to him.)

He doesn't point to things and he loves his toys cars but if I was to ask him to pick up his car it wouldn't even register.

Feel free to ask questions, I know I have left loads out because I can't think what to write and what is relevant etc but I'm just worried.

I'm also pregnant and he doesn't understand that or even get babies, he has had lots of contact with babies but I think he thinks they are just a toy or a doll, he really doesn't get that at all.

I explain things to him in an age appropriate way when chatting and playing with friends but he doesn't get it or seem to listen.

the reason I am worried is because everyone is making comments now and always have tbf. But I mean everyone, he has friends older and younger than him and relatives, friends etc just everyone now.

He does understand no though - he doesn't like that word!

We are seeing the HV during the week and going into Nursery to have a chat about it all; he only goes one day a week, term time only (all we can afford, it was to try and get him a bit more there socially; he is always seeing friends though and other people, I just thought it might help, he seems to enjoy it, he just likes the toys!)

I'm not so worried about the speaking more the lack of understanding, he doesn't seem to understand at all.

He's not that bad, but I'm just at a loss; he really is a happy boy though and loving and affectionate, he sleeps through (I'm very lucky!) He eats pretty well, likes his fruit and veg, he likes people, he isn't a stop and listen or chat sort of boy though he is just happy for them to fuss him for a bit but go off and play in his own little world.

Sorry it's so long, if all I need is to be told to get a grip that's fine.

Thank you if you read it

[SaidTheSloth]

I would push for a SALT referral when you see the HV later this week. There may be a bit of a wait in your area, so all the more reason to get the ball rolling asap.

Glad your HV is being so supportive and helpful.

[Oakmaiden]

I would be worried too. It may well be nothing is wrong - he just takes a little longer to develop than the "baby manuals" say, but I would want someone expert to have a look and reassure me, if I were you.

Hopefully tomorrow he will suddenly make a huge leap forward :)

[onenutshortofasnickers]

Thankyou, r.e SALT I know there is a very long wait for that in our area; we are talking 6 months to a year minimum, but who knows, I am very lucky with my HV, you read some people on here having horrible ones but she couldn't be more fantastic!

I forgot to add he does 'roar' for a lion in row your boat and does wind the bobbin up actions, sort of- no words obviously so he understand some things!

Every time everyone has gotten worried he suddenly makes a leap forward so my theory is hopefully that will happen!

If anything I'm thinking more developmental delay rather than anything long term, although I don't know why, his hearing is perfect as they were worried about that; he just choses to ignore me! :)

[Milco]

I had (have) a child who did a lot of things on the late side, and always got us quite worried just before he finally cracked it! So I agree with you that it could be just the latest in a line of similar lateish milestones.

My DS is now 5 and he has done (and continues) to do everything that he should eventually. Generally once he's grasped something there is no looking back. He's bright and happy, but just is not the fastest to do anything!!

I agree with you that understanding is the more important thing to be thinking about for your DS given his current age. That was one thing which my DS did get at a normal pace - though I don't think that means anything for your case. You say your DS wouldn't follow an instruction to e.g. Pick up a car. But does he understand individual words, such as "car", "book" or whatever, do you think? It's definitely a good sign that he understands no!

Sounds like your HV is very good and should be able to help you more. I remember there are a few SALTs on Mumsnet who said lots of useful things which I read when my DS was younger. You should be able to find old threads if you do a search. There were various books they recommended too.

Very best of luck x

[onenutshortofasnickers]

I honestly don't know if he understands that the words mean the item, he just sees it as something he likes and recognises to play with (the car,) and the books he likes to have read to him but I don't know if he knows that word is it's name, this is my dilemma, but he has no way of expressing it if he does and he doesn't seem to show that he does.

He understand's some words, he must do, but I can't say for sure, he also understands tone of voice, I don't really say no much I just change my tone, but he repeatedly goes back to do whatever it is that he shouldn't really be; that toddlers for you! Wouldn't have him any other way :)

I'm glad your ds is happy and thriving, I think boys just tend to be a bit slower on average (just personal opinion, no research to back it up,) but they all catch up and level out eventually.

I will update with what the nursery say on Wed and also on Thurs with HV, it will most likely be everything is fine you are just a worryguts!

Thankyou

[Milco]

Yes, I'm with you about boys and their development. Particularly around language/communication. Vast generalisation of course. But then some would argue they never quite get communication as much as women .

Will check back later in the week and see how you've got on.

[noblegiraffe]

How is his hearing? You say he doesn't seem to listen and won't follow an instruction - are you sure he can hear you properly?

[onenutshortofasnickers]

hearing is fine and absolutely perfect, jusr typical boy not listening to mum!

he had a hearing test not long ago and he could hear the really quiet things, he heard everything and it was perfect!

will let you know how wed and thurs goes, my hv will probably say he is fine and dont worry! (hopefully, i would rather that than anything serious.)

[TrucksAndDinosaurs]

Hi OP
If you're concerned - some things like not pointing and being in his own world can be a flag, sometimes - this us the standard test www.autismspeaks.org/what-autism/diagnosis/screen-your-child for 16-30 months DC that can be administered by a parent in the first instance, at home, and if it brings up areas that you continue to feel concerned about it can be done again with a GP:HV: paediatrician.

My DS was diagnosed with mild autism at 2.3 years; the mchat test was the first step in realising there were things to be concerned about. Am not saying your DS has ASD, but mchat test can be reassuring if you are worrying and helpful in starting conversations about delays and typical development.

[onenutshortofasnickers]

hi thanks for that trucks will have a look later on.

well ds wont be going to nursery today as he has been up all night ill with a cold and cough and his asthma just makes it worse. So if he did go he would do what he did last week and get in a state because he wont sleep there because there is too much going on and that leads to headbutting and he is poorly and it isnt fair on anyone to send him in ill.

I really wanted to go in and look at his learning journeys and asked what they think today, when I ring (I'll probably have to leave a message,) I will ask if someone can ring back to chat about it or if I can come in still today but have jack with me, only have an hr- or would they say no even if it is a cold? It's just seeing the hv tomorrow and it would really help!

Anyway he is still up coughing and we have been up all night and he seems like he wants to go to sleep now and if he does I will too as it appears I have been infected too! How lovely of him (and dh who is ill,) to share

Will update as and when, thank you

(It's just could to get the rambly thoughts out tbh!)

[onenutshortofasnickers]

Hi again, just realised I have done that test before and it said he was at 'elavated risk of ....' and same again now- is this test accredited by hcp?

I just feel if I mentioned it I would get 'told off' for too much dr google, nothing good ever comes from dr google just worry!

Got a score of 12, but could give or take 1 or 2 either way because they were yes/no answers and I needed a sometimes answer too e.g most of the time he doesn't show interest in children, a good 95% and when he does it isn't for long and they are talking to him and he is just ignoring them and playing with his car. Also he doesn't pretend play with toys correctly, only cars he will but he does chuck/drop them randomly and mainly likes to chew his toys but will play with them a bit, he is obsessed with wheels and does like toys in his mouth.

[Firsttimer7259]

Hi I would push for a referral to a pediatrician to check out concerns re development. Maybe your nice hv can do that for you perhaps you'll need to see gp - take a list with you and focus on the understanding behind things. You'll prob see the pead long before the salt. The mchat is useful for giving a name to some things you might ne struggling to put a finger on

[gamerchick]

Yes he needs referral to a pediatrician first and take it from there..your HV should be able to sort it. She probably should have done already.

It certainly looks as though he has development leaps rather than anything steady. My youngest is the same. Drives me mad when I try to explain it to people.

[absentmindeddooooodles]

Hi op. Totally get where you are comong from. I have a ds who is now 2.8. He has always been slow with the majoroty of his development. At 21 months he only had a few words too, although his understanding was great.Speexh wise rhough, a month after his second birthday ( during a speexh refferal) he suddenly said a full sentance......and has not shut up since :)

I think you are probably eight to be slightly concerned about the understanding aspect of his development. Have another chat to your hv. Its great that she/he's been so good!

Good luck with everything. Like you say little ine may well suprise you all of a sudden. :)

[hanbee]

Hi OP,

If I were in your situation wuth a helpful HV I would ask for a referral to a paediatrician. You're worried and with a referral you can try to set aside this until you see a developmental specialist. If your lo is just developing at his own pace then an appointment will be reassuring, if thrre are concerns at least you'll be in the system early and able to get support more quickly.

[TrucksAndDinosaurs]

The m.chat test is the same as the one done by health care professionals - it isn't 'dr google' stuff. You will be taken seriously by mentioning you've had red flags. My paediatrician re did the exact same test when I came to him with my test results and concerns for DS. DS then referred to clinical psych for further autism testing.

Good luck.

[TrucksAndDinosaurs]

Oh and hope he gets well soon! :)

[TrucksAndDinosaurs]

Forgot to say Special Needs in MN has lots of people who have been there - and had children found to be both on spectrum and not on, just late developing so you can always ask there for advice and reasurrance

[onenutshortofasnickers]

Thank you Trucks

well we didn't go to nursery so we are home and he has not been to sleep still his cough is really bugging him so he has his favourite car and a biscuit and that seems to have made it better for now!

(We also have the vicks and olbas oil out in force along with inhalers and calpol!)

I will mention the test to the HV and let you know how it goes tomorrow, appointment in the morning so hopefully we get a good sleep tonight!

[strawberrypenguin]

Could you try teaching him some makaton signs (basic sign language as used by Mr Tumble) if he's trying to communicate but not being understood that could be making him frustrated.

[onenutshortofasnickers]

hi again,

strawberry he likes mr tumble and i do occasipnally try makaton but he wont watch/listen and shows no interest repeating and i think he just thinks im being crazy flapping my hands about...but as he gets older i will keep trying...

anyway the update is we saw hv and he is being referred to a play speciailist who will come here or to his nusersey to observe/do activities/give us activities/see where we are at and also possibly being referred to SENCO...the first one is definately happening and I am not sure if depending on the first if the SENCO will happen or if they are happening at the same time, obviously drs are all going to be made aware, also spoke of dyspraxia as he is quite clumsy - sorry for typo/spellings am on phone and it's crap.

also she said she will try and get us nursery funding for when he hits 2 in the new year regardless as that will be a big help, she was really nice about it all, I guess in reality now as it's so close to christmas we wont know anything more till the new year? unless they really get the ball rolling, but I know waiting lists are long and recources over stretched- it's the waiting that I hate....we all agreed he could just comre on over christmas but its more the understanding we worry about we arent worried about the talking yet.

thank you for your help, I will probably update as and when or re post as things come up; does anyone know what will happen next? what the outcome of observations will be?etc

but thank you anyway, it's just good to sound stuff out on here

[babySophieRose]

Just to reassure you, i have a friend who never talked until he was 3 years old and now never stops. Remember that kids all develop differently, although the "not understanding" is a bit worried. Just try with simple things, like give mummy this toy, come with mummy, etc. Hopefully he is just not very much interested in communications just yet.

[givemeaclue]

Has his hearing been checked

[ICameOnTheJitney]

I also want to reassure you...my friend's DS was similar...he's three and a half now and since starting preschool in September has made huge leaps. He now talks in relevant short sentences...he has seen a child physchologist who is not too worried and says he's going in the right direction albeit not as quickly as some kids...it's thought that he will get there....he can now ask for things....which has helped his temper a lot!

[onenutshortofasnickers]

hearing has been checked and described as perfect, I'm not worried about the not talking it's just understanding of things and the world around him tbh, he had/has a squint which is getting better and they aren't sure if it is just because if his wide bridge on his nose or what but he goes back next oct- but no worries there.

I also do talk to him all the time and have constantly done little things i.e come here, show mummy your car, shall we blahblahblah...he has always been very babbly but that's it.

Me and dh know it talked and we both admitted we were trying to ignore this and not see how bad it was, he was behind at 18months and there has been no improvement since then.

I can see how its going to go with family members, they are more old fashioned and lean towards autism/adhd etc being bad behaviour and there is too much fuss now, these people just make you worry, it was fine in my day/for me so it will be for everyone else etc. They reckon he does understand but he doesn't he really doesn't your in denial like we are! They are all really nice and love ds so so much and will always be there for him and I think they always respect a hcps opinion so will just keep quiet I reckon. I don't mind talking about it though if they want.

dh thinks because he and ds fell down the stairs and he dropped ds in the process (ds was 3months if that,) that it is his fault; they were both fine ds just had a bump but they were fine hospital didnt even keep us in! I said chances are it's nothing and if it is anything it is one of those things.

In my head I'm blaming myself, crap labour hospital did stuff very wrong = investigation and god knows what they didn't write in the notes. So I couldn't even labour properly and we should havr stuck up for ds more because I think there was a real chance he was starved of oxygen (he swallowed meconium, forcep delivery as they were about to put me to sleep for emcs) and then my own womb can't make a healthy baby. Or I don't do enough with him etc

I'm also worried that this baby now will be born and advance far faster than his brother and even though he is the younger one, it will be like a role reversal between the two or that I can't make a normal healthy baby and it will happen again. (worst case, highly unlikely, I know.)

And now I have all these thoughts and questions and I don't even know when we will get any answers if any, or when, or how long or if ds will have a leap or maybe not?

Sorry for this long post, I guess this is limbo now until who knows.