18 month old pinching/scratching 4.5 yo

[u2rmysunshine]

Hi ! For a few months now my 18 month old son has been pinching or scratching my other son and over the last week it has been terrible. Ds1 is quite a gentle boy.... He has never hurt ds2 on purpose, although there is friction when they play together (e.g. They both want a paricular toy). I can understand it in this example, but in the last week ds 2 has been doing it all the time, pretty much whenever ds 1 goes near him. Any advice would be most appreciated... It's really upsetting and I hate seeing it as I want them to get along ! So far, I have tried reminding ds2 to be gentle, and showing how to be, and more recently I have tried 'if you do that again I will put you on the floor' .

[Tenalady]

Oh dear, been going on a while. This has to be nipped in the bud early, but hey no time like the present. My ds tried this when first starting toddler group (quite a lot of kids do this) no rhyme nor reason but I kept a close eye on him and the moment I caught him doing it (normally roused by another childs screams) I would go straight to him and say no and give him a pinch and ask him to hug the child he pinched.

He soon got the hang of it. worth a try before he tries it on other kids and you get excluded from socials etc.

[littleoaktree]

OP I could have written your post, ds2 is 18mo and ds1 is also 4.5. We mainly have a scratching/grabbing problem when they're in the car as ds1 can't get away from ds2. Ds2 doesn't understand enough to know it hurts but as ds1 always reacts to it he does it again giggling for the reaction.

I deal with it with both of them so ds1 I explain that he needs to ignore ds2 when he does it and not react as if he reacts then ds2 will find it funny and do it more. To ds2 I always say 'no that hurts ds1, we don't scratch/grab/push etc'. I then show him how to touch gently and say 'we touch gently' as I do it. If he continues to do it then I give him a simple warning and if he still continues I remove from the situation if possible and distract him. It's a slow process but hopefully it will work in the long run.

Ds2 only does this with ds1 not with any other children so I feel it's as much about teaching them how to interact with each other as it is teaching ds2 not to scratch/hit etc.

[Doitnicelyplease]

Tenalady how would pinching an 18mo teach them NOT to pinch? - I think that is quite cruel and also very confusing for a toddler.

So if he hits another child do you say no and then hit him? Bite him if he bites you? Seems like strange advice to me.

Sorry OP I don't have any helpful suggestions for you but reading with interest as my DD2 pulls DD1's hair quite often.

[u2rmysunshine]

Thank you for the replies, sorry for not responding sooner... Not been on mumsnet for yonks . Life with two young ones eh ! It is still going on....little oak I have tried most of what you suggested. Recently ds2 has learned to say sorry which he will sometimes do and that makes it much better. Ds1 after putting up with getting on for a year of it has retaliated a couple of times, but can't blame him really... He is always very upset himself when he does it, bless him it must be hard as it happens every day :( poor ds2 also not old enough to understand sharing properly or taking turns, or that if someone is already playing with something you can't just take it away ! Tena lady I would never pinch him, goes against all my instincts (unless I am getting frustrated with them both and then I feel like being rough but have to hold back). To be honest he has never done it to another child, but if anyone judged him or us on that basis I don't think I would be worried about being excluded. Have found most people to be very understanding of any social skills the boys are yet to acquire. Apart from the local librarian