Any experience of developmental delays?

(35 Posts)
IcouldstillbeJoseph Wed 30-Oct-13 15:36:19

Dd is 9mo and my second DC. I had a troublesome pregnancy this time around with two episodes of severe pneumonia.
Anyway, DD didn't smile until she was 10 weeks and has been very 'slow' ever since.
She is sitting now (if you sit her up) but that's it. Hardly interacts.
Anyway, she was classified as developmentally delayed at 6 months but HV (who is v good) wanted to wait a bit. Anyway she's seen her today and re-assessed her and found her to be delayed in all areas.

I knew that already though really.
I know it's good it's been picked up etc, but I just feel worried, sad and 'I knew it' all rolled into one.

Just wondered if anyone had words of wisdom/advice?

eatyourveg Fri 01-Nov-13 13:44:19

And some lever arch files too for all the paperwork from the various professionals. I have a shelf specifically for dc's files.

marchduck Fri 01-Nov-13 11:22:18

Get yourself one of those big family organiser calendars to keep track of the appointments. I wouldn't have given one house room before all this happened with DD, but I couldn't do without it now. Also a good idea to keep a date record of when your DD does something new.
It's'great that you have an older DS; having him there will benefit your DD so much. There is 23 months between my DS and DD, and he is without doubt better than any of the therapies and interventions she has had. He has opened the world for her in a way that I couldn't.

IcouldstillbeJoseph Fri 01-Nov-13 10:13:37

Thank you
We already have an audiology appt as DS had severe hearing loss through glue ear (mute until grommets at 18mo) and DD has already burst her ear drum so thought best to get checked
And she has an ophthalmologist appt too as she has a squint
Feels never-ending...but I know you all know that.

marchduck Thu 31-Oct-13 22:35:12

I think you are brilliant for picking up on it early.
I was told my DD had developmental delay following her two year health assessment. It was shock to me - I knew her speech was delayed, but I had no concerns about anything else. Looking back, I think I was probably in denial. I have an older DS who had been advanced in everything, and I somehow convinced myself that DD's development was typical - when it wasn't at all blush
Sometimes I do feel a bit sad about it, and I worry about her future, but our life is great and we are so happy. My DD is 4 now, and has made so much progress. I worried that she would never speak, but she does. She was initially quite unengaged; but she has become much more sociable and interested in other people. Some trick or treaters came to our door earlier and she said to them "My name is X. What's your names?". I was thrilled! She goes to mainstream school, and has friends. She surprises me all the time, and she brings so much joy to our lives.
It's great that you have a referral to see a paed early on. It might be helpful to request a referral for a hearing test, and a referral to see a speech and language therapist to help your DD's early communication skills.
Your DD is lucky to have you; all the best to you both smile

Beanypip Thu 31-Oct-13 21:38:09

my dd has developmental delays too. shes 20 months now and still cant pull to stand stand unaided or walk she just learnt to bum shuffle this week (I cried for hours!) but shes amazing and I wouldnt have her any other way.

she sat at 13 months and thats it till her bum shuffling. I also binned groups as I used to come out crying because all the other babies were running around at 13 months and my dd couldnt even sit. portage are great and they have groups in my area that all full of babies with sn so you feel much confident as the mums are going through the same as u.

due dc2 in april so hoping dd can walk by then!!

dont be dishartened I cried for months after finding out and couldnt get my head around it but you cant change whats happening. just enjoy your little one and crack on with it (wise words from my dh hmm )

the sn threads are a great help if you need advise. id also recommend claiming dla we get it for dd and Its a great help to us.

IcouldstillbeJoseph Thu 31-Oct-13 20:02:39

I don't want this to sound too lame either but your posts are an inspiration to me

IcouldstillbeJoseph Thu 31-Oct-13 20:01:53

Thank you a million times, this is helping so much.

I only picked it up so early as she is such a contrast to my DS and because he is still quite young, I can remember what he was doing at what age. I knew something was wrong from a few weeks old though. Don't know how, just instinct I guess.

I wish the paed appointment was soon as I would like some answers - although I know I'm unlikely to get any in reality

Firsttimer7259 Thu 31-Oct-13 19:09:00

My DD has GDD, shes 3.10 and lovely but very delayed. We have a full place at an excellent SN nursery. Its hard, especially in the early stages, and heart breaking to see other children accomplish with ease things you work on day in day out. The social stuff is also really hard - avoid things you realise you hate, find new things and people that you can love and who love you and your child. We have met some of the best special people through our girl - she brings wonderful things into our lives along with much pain and loss.
You probably have a long scary process of tests and scans coming, try the SN boards for support. You also ahve grieving to do, come along let it out. You arent alone even if it can feel that way. And well done for getting it early - big star mummy points for that one
xx

Yes can second that life will be okay.

Ds1 is (basically) what was my worst fear when I first realised there were problems - & he's lovely and life is much better than I could have imagined (and more interesting) smile I've met people I wouldn't have met and found a whole community (learning disabilities) that I didn't know existed and I would go as far as saying that it has made life more rewarding and more meaningful that it would be without that. Harder yes, but more rewarding definitely.

My DS2 sat at 12 months.. walked at 2. didn't smile til 11 months of age !
That was grim.. physically delay was bad enough but having no social interaction was far harder. Turned out he had 'delayed visual maturation'(basically eyes not really talking to brain) plus he needed glasses.

It was awful and I got very depressed, convinced he would never be smiley and loving.. he basically lay there and stared at bright lights and shiney things.

HOWEVER.. He got into the system early.. bit of physio, then speech (didn't talk either..sat and dribbled!) then Portage. Statemented before he started nursery and eventually went to a special school.

He's now 16, he is articulate (tho still sounds a bit slurred) he is very sociable, he loves us and is loved by everyone. He's still floppy, (wears splints) but he walks, he talks, he can read well, write a bit, bore everyone to death with his DR WHo obsessions.
He's not 'normal' He has some learning disabilty and he has autism (which was my worst fear) but he is as far from the little boy who just lay there and never made eye contact as you can imagine.

The sadness is normal.. no one ever expects their child to be different. But it does become ok.. you do find friends you would never have made, you celebrate different achievements.. it's ok.

Hop over to the Special Needs boardsmile
ps didn't mean to imply your dd definitely ahs long term needs like my DS2...she may catch up! But if she doesn't, life WILL be ok smile

eatyourveg Thu 31-Oct-13 14:36:11

feeling sad is inevitable and also a vital part of the accepting process. With ds2 I found myself deliberately avoiding some of my friends whose dc were the same age - just couldn't face seeing their children and even now some 17 years later I still sometimes find it difficult when there are family gatherings and cousins the same age are doing all kinds of wonderful things.

We do however make a point of celebrating all the wonderful things that ds achieves - they are just not the same as others but equally if not more special because of the journey taken to get there.

Don't feel obliged to go to the play group if you don't feel like it. Some friends stay, some friends go and undoubtedly new ones will come along in the same boat who will be a rock for you. mn is full of rocks you'll find smile

bigwellyfucker Thu 31-Oct-13 14:16:00

I've a dd with development delay, she is 3 and 3 months, funny and mostly happy - we are just starting the statementing process.

Badvoc Thu 31-Oct-13 11:50:27

Oh god, yes!
Just don't go.
Took me ages to realise I didn't need their passive aggressive comments and judgements.
Stay at home and eat nice biscuits! smile

Only go to toddler groups if they are of benefit to you. I used to go & come out & cry for the rest of the day so I binned them. Made no difference to ds1 & we just spent more time visiting friends & doing our own thing. Sometimes you're told it's good for your child to be around role models but tbh I rarely think that's the case. In our case ds1 didn't pay the blindest bit of attention to the kids - he was interested in the biscuits. So I scrapped everything unless I also got something out of it (he still did a music group he's attended since he was tiny & was always followed by tea & cake for the patents) & of all things a steiner toddler group (the parents were much more accepting of odd behaviours there) but we scrapped everything else.

IcouldstillbeJoseph Thu 31-Oct-13 08:32:23

My goodness - for a nest of vipers you are all incredibly supportive wink

I go to the toddler groups because I did it with DS and felt like I ought to make the effort for DD too. But if I hear another comment about her being "just a laid back, lazy girl" I will probably lose it and upturn the plate of shitty, stale biscuits. Probably best I avoid for a whole grin

Badvoc Thu 31-Oct-13 07:39:18

My ds1 had significant developmental delay (undx iugr) and also didn't smile til 10 weeks, late to sit unaided etc.
If it's any consolation to you, he is now 10 and doing very well at school. It hasn't been easy...we have had to do lots of interventions at home and work in his dyslexia and dyspraxia.
I can vividly remember the feeling and emotions you are going through.
Don't despair.
You have early intervention which is absolutely key x

Btdtgtts

It's tough OP. I'm many years down the line now but I think the early bit when you don't know what is going on is incredibly hard. The most helpful thing is to find other parents in the same situation - that might happen as your child starts to see paediatricians etc anyway. Don't feel you have to attend toddler groups etc if they make you feel shit xx

lougle Thu 31-Oct-13 07:31:18

It's fantastic that this has been picked up now. Ask to be referred to Portage.Their waiting lists are long, so don't wait until you've seen the Pediatrician.

DD1 didn't sit until 10 months, crawled late and walked at 23 months. She wasn't found to be globally delayed until 2.9, which is very late. Who knows what she'd be like if it had been picked up 2 years earlier.

Jinty64 Thu 31-Oct-13 07:30:29

Ds2 was really late to do everything. He still didn't speak clearly when he went to school but as he wouldn't speak to anyone in school (or anyone other than me) he was difficult to assess. He went to speech therapy for 18 months when he was 6. It was a waste of time because he wouldn't speak to them. He used to hide in the kitchen when friends brought there children round to play. We discovered, when he was 3, that he had really poor eyesight and I have never been sure how much of a part that played.

This continued throughout his first three years at school, where he bumped along the bottom academically, and then in P4 he was put in a mixed 3/4 class with mostly P3's. He was the oldest in the class. The teacher was quite loud and had a bossy manor which, in the past, would have scared him, as most things did. He took to her like a duck to water and has never looked back. By the time he was in P7 he was in the middle of the class academically and going on play dates.

He is now 16. He did as well in his standard grades and is now doing his highers. He has a small group of good friends - interestingly all boys that could considered a little bit "different". He is, by no means a social boy and has his quirks. He has no diagnosis but is certainly on the autistic spectrum. He is the nicest, kindest, most helpful boy I know and I'm sure will do just as well in life as his, much more academic, brothers.

I hope the paediatrician will be able to offer some help and all will be well for you.

Bryzoan Thu 31-Oct-13 07:14:50

Dd is delayed too and is 3. Just starting to talk and walk with a walker. She is amazing in so many ways and i have so much hope for her. So do hold on to that. I love my dd more than I could ever describe and am so proud if her. It does hurt seeing the milestones fly by but when she does get there the pride is immeasurable. Google portage. We've had fantastic support from them. And ask for a physio referral. And big hugs.

IcouldstillbeJoseph Thu 31-Oct-13 06:45:20

Thank you all so much
Lying here with her breastfeeding and feeling hopeful from your posts.

Bouncey Wed 30-Oct-13 20:52:19

DD (now almost 2) was 5 weeks prem. She smiled at about 14 weeks. She didn't sit until 10 months, crawled at 13 months, pulled up at 17months and walked at 18 months. Other babies, equally premature, whose parents I kept in touch with, met these milestones a lot quicker.

She is still behind her peers, but the gap is narrowing - and in terms of physical milestones, you would never guess that she walked so much later than other children her age. So I would say don't lose hope, take whatever help is offered and bear in mind that small children can often make massive development leaps in a very short space of time. At 16 months, my daughter would not weight bear at all - and in a space of weeks she went from pulling up for the first time to walking confidently.

doineedhelp Wed 30-Oct-13 20:45:09

Sorry, of course you can be sad... sorry if that post seemed too hard

prissyenglisharriviste Wed 30-Oct-13 20:39:04

Dd2 smiled at 6 mos, have up her walker in between yr r and yr 1, and talked around 3/4, although was statemented for yr r for communication, amongst her physical delays.

She also has an iq of 142, taught herself to read way before she could talk (she was reading c s Lewis by the time she learned to speak) and skis black runs and attends ballet class now.

There is absolutely no telling at 9 mos what will happen in the future (we were told dd2 was unlikely to walk or talk) but there are lots of us around, you aren't alone.

Come on over to sn. Be kind to yourself, it's a long old road xxxxxx

doineedhelp Wed 30-Oct-13 20:33:44

I'm sure it will happen, but probably just a little later than expected.

I thought I would never see my boy walk but he has, he also has a hole in his heart so problems are ongoing, being a parent is bloody hard and a constant worry! you are allowed to be sad but your little dd needs a strong mum, she knows no difference at this point either

Keep us posted...

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