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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

I don't know how to survive this...

76 replies

AlmondFrangipani · 19/10/2013 22:35

I haven't slept for 11 weeks since my baby was born. He doesn't sleep for more than an hour and a half at night and I'm beyond exhausted. I know why they use sleep deprivation as a torture technique. I cry most days and struggle to enjoy the good bits of being a Mum . How do you survive this???

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SatinSandals · 19/10/2013 22:37

Have you got any help?

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RandomMess · 19/10/2013 22:38

Are you saying he wakes up every 1.5 hours during the night?

Are you breast feeding, do you nurse him to sleep? Are you co sleeping?

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AlmondFrangipani · 19/10/2013 22:40

Yes, every night since he was born. He's bottle fed as he had tongue tie and never could latch properly. But he only ever takes 1-3 oz a feed. Tried co sleeping but it doesn't help.

I don't know where to go for help! My family are all far away and don't want to burden any friends with this.

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milkwasabadchoice · 19/10/2013 22:42

Co-sleeping, patience and belief.
Co sleeping, safely, is a good way to get a few extra zeds, of you can comfy together and feed lying down for some night feeds.
Patience - your baby is tiny and it will get better as s/he gets bigger. Be kind to yourself and don't worry if you are tearful. You have years ahead of you to enjoy being a mother.
Belief - that bit about it getting better? It's true. Believe it!

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RandomMess · 19/10/2013 22:43

How heavy is he now? How often does he feed during the day?

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LynetteScavo · 19/10/2013 22:43

You need to ask for help. You need someone to have your baby for one night so you can sleep. I would be gutted if I had a friend with a baby like this, who didn't feel they could "burden" me.

What does your HV say about hism only taking 1-3 oz per feed?

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NorbertDentressangle · 19/10/2013 22:44

oh, Almond, this sounds so familiar. I can recall one particular moment when I was walking up the road with DD in the pushchair almost hallucinating through tiredness.

My DD is 13 now but I still remember what it was like. However it did get better (it must've done as we went on to have DS!)

It is hard but I think you just have to remind yourself "it's only a phase". Also, take any help that's offered.

I think I struggled on with DD as I thought thats what you had to dobut when we had DS we did things differently eg. in the evenings I would go to bed about 8/9pm leaving DS asleep in the living room whilst DP watched TV. When DS woke for his feed around 11/12 DP would bring him to me to feed and settle to bed. Those few uninterrupted hours were a godsend.

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DoJo · 19/10/2013 22:45

Is he distressed when he wakes up? Does he seem like he's uncomfortable? Have you taken him to your GP or health visitor for advice? Use the resources available to you to get some support - children's centre, medical care etc. They don't care if you haven't managed to have a shower or brush your hair and they are there to help you with exactly this kind of situation so ask for assistance, from them, family, friends, anyone who offers you a chance to get some rest. It will get better, but don't wait for that, ask for some help now.

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bigbrick · 19/10/2013 22:46

Keeping things simple helped me. I reduced all unnecessary tasks so I wouldn't have to use my energy on things that didn't need it. When your little one does sleep you must use some of this short time for you to wash, eat properly, rest & relax. Be kind to yourself and have some things to look forward to everyday.

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DoJo · 19/10/2013 22:47

Sorry - just realised that sounded a bit like barking orders! Just understand how it feels and know how hard it can be to focus on doing something when you are so tired!

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AlmondFrangipani · 19/10/2013 22:49

Despite the bad feeding he's 14lb and 91st percentile! I haven't seen the HV since he was 3 weeks. Went to the GP and we've been trying meds for silent reflux but nothing is working and I'm not 100% convinced that's the problem.

He feeds every 3-4 hours in the day but only small amounts! He averages 20oz a day when he should be having 35oz (this is what the HV put a lot of emphasis on this when I saw her last and it just made me feel worse).

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SatinSandals · 19/10/2013 22:53

You could ask your Health Visitor about getting a Home Start volunteer if you don't want to ask friends, but maybe try and ask a friend, maybe they would like to help.

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RandomMess · 19/10/2013 22:56

Ok I would start feeding him more frequently during the day, waking him up if need be. When he wakes during the night is he hungry?

The only other thing I would suggest trying at the moment is cranial osteopathy only because for some babies it makes an absolute huge difference and it certainly doesn't do any harm. Did you have a difficult birth at all?

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Apileofballyhoo · 19/10/2013 23:06

Maybe he would feed more frequently, every 2 hrs, or even less? WHen DS was that small he fed nearly constantly. How does he stop the feed? Is he falling asleep after the 3rd oz?

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AlmondFrangipani · 19/10/2013 23:35

When I try to feed him more he just refuses the bottle and screams. But I know the rationale makes sense so will preserver!

I was induced which took 30 hours and ended up with forceps in theatre. He got strep b and I got an infection so we were in hospital for a week. I found it quite traumatic!! We had 5 sessions of cranial osteopathy and she said she had done everything she could for him but it made no difference to him . I feel like I've tried so many things!

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AlmondFrangipani · 19/10/2013 23:37

He isn't always that hungry at night. He has 3oz at 11pm ish but then he only takes 1oz maybe at 1am then 3am.

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AlmondFrangipani · 19/10/2013 23:38

He never falls asleep on the bottle. He just pushes it out with his tongue, shakes his head and if I offer it again he screams!

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Ajaney · 19/10/2013 23:56

If you were my friend, I would want to help you! It is a phase, it will pass but there is no shame/harm asking for and receiving help friends, that is what they are there for!

Can you ring your HV office on monday and ask for a visit?

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Jorior · 20/10/2013 05:42

I really feel for you. My DC1 was like this and I remember worrying about my ability to care for him due to sleep deprivation. I constantly felt close to the edge.

The good news is that you're probably nearly over the worst of it. From what I remember 3 months is a milestone when their gut matures and things settle down a bit in terms of feeding and discomfort.

Having tried everything, we eventually discovered that white noise helped him to settle. We downloaded hair drier noise from a website called Pedia Sleep (I think) and this gave us some much needed respite. Different babies respond to different noises so try a few. We actually learned to sleep through the noise and started to feel normal again.

Hold on in there and remember that the darkest hour is often just before dawn xx

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RandomMess · 20/10/2013 08:33

If he isn't hungry after 11pm stop feeding him until say 6am - he is clearly thriving and getting enough for him.

What does help him go to sleep? Is he rocked or cuddled? Is he screaming when awake or just grizzling? He may just come into light sleep and take awhile getting back to sleep and the whole trying to feed him when he isn't hungry is actually disturbing you both more.

It is a phase and it will pass - have you got a partner who can take over some nights to give you a break and let you get some decent sleep?

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Artandco · 20/10/2013 08:41

Yes I would also try feeding him every 2 hours in the day and then he may not want any overnight

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minipie · 21/10/2013 15:09

Was the tongue tie cut, or not? if not, I would recommend you look into getting it cut. I know that usually tongue tie is more of a problem when breastfeeding, but my dd had tongue tie and found it very hard to feed from bottles as well as breast (until it was cut).

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minipie · 21/10/2013 15:10

Also, do you have a DH/DP? can you sleep in shifts?

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galwaygirl · 21/10/2013 15:13

Just wanted to say my DS is about a month older but the same weight and FF and he only takes 20oz or so a day and is gaining weight - certainly nowhere near 35oz!
If he is gaining weight and has wet and dirty nappies try not to worry about the amount he is taking in.
I would agree it sounds like he isn't really hungry at 1am and 3am so maybe something else waking him?

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CrazyOldCatLady · 21/10/2013 16:03

No baby that age should be taking 35oz, that's ludicrous. DS took between 13 and 18 oz a day for his first 8 months and he was fine; his paediatrician did say he should be taking 23 or so (and he was 10lbs 8oz when he was born so a similar size). I don't think you need to worry about the quantity as long as he's producing wet and dirty nappies and gaining weight properly.

Is he unhappy at night when he wakes? Is he sleeping flat or at an angle?