feel like bursting into tears

(3 Posts)
alliswell2 Sat 12-Oct-13 21:21:08

I have an only child. I am raising him on my own. He is almost four. He is social,affectionate,articulate, boisterous and bright. I had a problem with him biting when he was 3ish. That has pretty much been resolved. He has always been very physical and boisterous even when he was very small.
I had a very upsetting incident with an ex-friend over a year ago when she was very critical of my parenting style and my son's behaviour. I am not completely blind to my child's behaviour but I have worked really hard with him particularly with managing his anger and he has made a big improvement. He is always difficult when he is overtired or overstimulated.
Today at the gym I go to regularly I dropped my son off at the creche. He goes there alot and is very familar with the staff and children. He scratched a little boy when he got angry with him. When I went to pick my son up I was told that he had been good except for this incident. I asked how the child who was scratched was and was told he was fine but the scratch had marked his face. The staff member also told me the mum wasn't happy. I spoke to my son about the incident and he was very upset and sorry for his actions. We talked about what he could do next time if the other child did something he didn't like (they normally play well together). My son was not allowed to use the computer, which he loves using as a punishment for his actions.
I feel very unnerved about the incident. The mother of the child who was scratched is perfectly nice, but friendly with the ex-friend who was nasty and cruel when she spoke to me about my son last year. I am concerned that they might talk about the incident and label my child as aggressive and me as a bad parent. I am so lacking in confidence. I know that if I were just a bit more confident as a parent I would be able to manage these sort of situations without being so down on myself and my parenting. I do not really think I am a bad parent. I care very much about my son and his well-being and love him deeply. I find it very hard to explain to other parents that although scratching and physical aggression is an absolute no, no there has been ongoing progress in my son's behaviour. I am not deending the behaviour.
My question is how does one become a confident paarent?

LadyMetroland Sat 12-Oct-13 21:26:56

Sounds to me like your doing brilliantly and that you don't need to justify yourself to anyone. If you know your son's behaviour has improved then does it matter what others think?

May09Bump Sat 12-Oct-13 22:47:40

you need to grow a thick skin - I too think so deeply about how I'm perceived. You will drive yourself loopy if you continue like this, you are a good parent. You have recognized his bad behavior and took reasonable steps to correct it. Kids go through many phases, some bad - how you deal with it is what counts.

I now tell myself that it takes time away from doing nice things by thinking this way, segment the bad behavior from the rest of your life - once he has been disciplined, move on to something constructive (maybe a walk together, also helps de-stress). You have better things to be doing than worrying about someone who clearly is not a friend or a support.

Your child is not the only one at this age showing aggression - try to keep things as consistent as possible and I think maybe focusing on being kind to other kids, rather than focusing on hitting helps.

And have a good cry if you need to, these times can be frustrating and it's a release. Plenty of sleep for everyone too, then your both not on a back foot. smile

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