My little boy

(36 Posts)
filee777 Thu 10-Oct-13 15:09:56

My lovely little boy is nearly 3 and a half. He has been struggling with his talking so finally, after months and months of asking, I had an appointment today with the speech and language therapist.

What she said has absolutely broken my heart

He has serious issues acquiring language, he is struggling to cope with simple commands. She was playing with him but assessing him and within 40 minutes he was rubbing his little eyes because he was trying so so hard to get things right but said things like 'blocksing' instead of building and 'juciening' when she showed him someone pouring juice.

When we left i just broke down, she said that he needs really simple language and that we have been over complicating things which is why he can't pick things up, that he needs extra classes and sessions. I've been working loads over the summer, to pay for our fire place to be fixed and to try and support us. Now i have taken on uni and trying to work as wel. My little boy is suffering, i've not spent enough time with him and now he cannot even learn to talk sad

I am so so upset.

labelwriter Thu 10-Oct-13 15:14:01

Please don't beat yourself up, it sounds like you did completely the right thing by taking him in and now you are working to help him. If it's any consolation at all, my DS who is exactly the same age still struggles with words as do quite a lot of his friends who are the same age. Good luck.

filee777 Thu 10-Oct-13 15:18:36

I really feel responsible for it.

JoinTheDots Thu 10-Oct-13 15:28:55

It's not you - some children just find it harder. Honestly, it is not you.

Now you know how best to help your lovely son, you can start today with really simple language and I bet he will come on beautifully.

Is he at Pre-school or similar? Make sure you share the report with his key worker so they can also help him as much as they can.

My daughter was delayed with speech and is still behind her peers, but it#s good to know how you can help them best.

filee you are not responsible, not at all. DS had speech difficulties, he was mixing up sounds. He had some SALT and we worked with him a bit, so did his nursery teachers. Hes now 4.6 just started school, needs no SALT anymore, he speech is fine.

Its horrible to hear, but can be worked on easily, but definately not your fault.

filee777 Thu 10-Oct-13 15:40:42

He is at a wonderful nursery and they have been great, helped us push for an assessment and stuff.

Just a bit shell shocked by it i suppose, both me and DH are intelligent and big talkers, but that seems to be part of the problem sad

I just want him to be happy and able.

UriGHOULer Thu 10-Oct-13 15:52:24

Filee, this might sound harsh, but you are responsible! You're his Mum.

But that doesn't have to mean you should be beating yourself up about it.

He is only 3 and now that you've understood and accepted your part in the issue with his speech you can makes things better. Move forward to a solution, instead of feeling guilty and blaming yourself for something that has already happened.

I'm sure he's a lovely, happy little chap and from this moment on, you can be the one who makes sure his speech improves.

SoonToBeSix Thu 10-Oct-13 15:58:10

Uri what utter rubbish if the op ds is speech delayed she is not responsible it is not her fault.
Op try not to worry at least this has been picked up and your ds will get the help he needs before he starts school.

filee777 Thu 10-Oct-13 16:00:17

sad

HenriettaPye Thu 10-Oct-13 16:04:23

Oh filee, don't feel responsible! He's only 3, still so little! My son is 3.5yrs and speech is nowhere near perfect- it's his first ever parent/teacher meeting next month and I'm expecting her to tell me he needs speech therapy. However, all children are different- they learn things at different pace but they all will catch up with each other eventually!

cakeandcustard Thu 10-Oct-13 16:16:57

My son had a speech delay and was assessed at around the same age. His words weren't clear at all and he was way behind his peers. The SLT seemed most concerned about the range of sounds he could produce and on that measure he was within the normal range.

Both me & DH are kind of wordy but it was never suggested this was a cause of his speech delay. I think it was unhelpful of her to make you feel so guilty.

FWIW the range of development at this age is huge. I was told they only consider it a real issue if they're still having problems when they start school. The classes are a good idea if you want to do something proactive to help your DS but only if you both find it fun and supportive.

My 'delayed' DS is now 6, reads well above his age and I can't shut him up grin Don't feel guilty, just keep talking & playing & having fun!

cakeandcustard Thu 10-Oct-13 16:21:06

Uri by the way is talking crap, the range of development at this age is huge! You are not responsible but you have been a wonderful mother in picking up a concern at an early age and getting something done about it, you've done exactly what was needed!

PatoBanton Thu 10-Oct-13 16:27:29

Eh Uri? How on earth is she responsible for his language issues? How exactly and on what planet?

OP - I have no idea what you could possibly, possibly have been doing to contribute to his problems but honestly unless you were shutting him in a room without company for hours on end I don't think you have done anything to feel bad about.

I don't talk much to mine, I never have, I am rubbish at playing with them too and they are just lucky not to have had too many issues with speech or language or really, any other random aspect of development.

It IS totally random afaik.

I know loads of really brilliant parents with children who have speech issues. It isn't their fault either xxxxx

Oh fwiw ds1 talks excessively well
ds2 has a word-final dysfluency (basically an end of word stutter, no one has heard of it, I diagnosed by googling) at the age of 6, and is VERY long winded!

and ds3 only says 'gah'. But he is a baby so hopefully that will improve grin

You're a great parent because you care. And he sounds like a little love smile

brew

filee777 Thu 10-Oct-13 16:47:28

He really is a lovely boy, we took him for a look round nursery and he ran off in the field playing, we were only going to see about his 15 free hours but he was so happy there and the owner asked us if we could start him early, we said we couldn't afford it so she gave us a 50% discount!

He is lovely, cares for his little brother, lovely to his friends, very gentle.

Just doesn't talk very much sad

PatoBanton Thu 10-Oct-13 16:51:13

He will, Filee.

Hang in there xx

H2Ointolerant Thu 10-Oct-13 16:56:09

You are not responsible and have not played any part in his issues. Had you not been made for wait for months to see a professional then you would have known what special help he needs before now.

As it happens, what works for 99% of children practically by osmosis, your boy has struggled with.

Now you have the information, which you couldn't possibly have known, you can put strategies into place to work with him.

However, you've seen an example of how long the professionals here take to get round to helping, so I would recommend jogging over to the SN children board and asking for tips there. They're brilliant. Don't wait for help now, go looking. I know of what I speak smile

Fishandjam Thu 10-Oct-13 16:58:45

Hello filee. Just to echo the other posters - he'll get there, and he'll talk so much you'll wish he would put a sock in it for a bit grin.

UriGHOULer Thu 10-Oct-13 17:16:59

Sorry Filee, I understood your original post as you are concerned that you and your partner were responsible for your sons speech delay.

You said the speech therapist pointed out that you and your partner had been "over complicating" things and that you feel he "isn't picking things up" because you are aware you've "spent too little time with him".

If your little boy has underlying issues that are causing his speech delay then I apologise for what must have seemed a callous remark.

What I was trying to say (in a clumsy way) is that you should treat this 'diagnosis' as a good starting point to getting his speech improved and stop beating yourself up about it.

Again, my apologies for my skewed response.

filee777 Thu 10-Oct-13 17:29:50

I've only not been spending time with him because I have been working sad

Have actually just had to be signed off work for stress because of trying to fit everything in.

Going to have to abandon all the working I think

Tambaboy Thu 10-Oct-13 17:53:09

Hi filee777 you are doing the right thing which is seeking professional help for your lovely little boy. We were in a similar situation with our DS, we decided to go to a private SALT until the NhS appointment came through. He was 3.2 at the time and HV had dismissed his language problems as just part of being in a bilingual household, utter rubbish really but at the time I didn't know any better.
I would recommend one the Hanen program books, It takes Two to talk, it's not cheap but you might be able to get it second hand on eBay or amazon.
I felt extremely guilty and blamed DS problems on us wanting him to be bilingual. I significantly reduced my hours at work even though I was already part time as it was all a bit too much iykwim .As it turns out he was eventually dx with ASD at the beginning of this year and now I'm taking a year off work (maybe more). It wasn't our fault but I still feel guilty for not taking action sooner.
Pop into the SN children board.

Tambaboy Thu 10-Oct-13 17:55:30

Sorry, I just forgot to mention that speech delay doesn't mean ASD dx later on, it was just our particular case , I just wanted to give you an example of parents feeling guilty and trying to do what is best for their child.

filee777 Thu 10-Oct-13 18:05:30

Thank you all for your support, DH is home and being very nice to me.

The HV and the SALT seemed very sure he didn't have additional needs because of how socialised he is? I don't know how true that is

H2Ointolerant Thu 10-Oct-13 19:18:16

Yes 'It takes two to talk' is excellent, I would start there.

I know this is easily said but try not to worry or even think about additional needs at this point. You would use the same strategies with him either way. I bet he comes on in leaps and bounds.

Nice to get reassurance that his social skills are progressing nicely though smile

RandomMess Thu 10-Oct-13 19:22:32

Have a hug, I knew my youngest had speech delay, I was still devasted after the assessment!

For my dd it turned out to be an auditoring hearing issue. Please don't blame yourself at all - hearing is physical hearing and then the brain doing it's bit just as speech is muscle co-ordination and all sorts of things. It may take time etc,etc but there is no reason why he won't get there in the end.

KitZacJak Fri 11-Oct-13 14:34:52

It is not your fault. Lots of children are still struggling with speech at 3 years old. My son was really struggling at that age but he was talking well by 4. At 9 he is an amazing speaker, uses lots of complicated language and is top of his class at school.

However, my second son was talking by the age of 2 and I didn't do anything different with him.

Please don't worry, it will happen.

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