Help! Toddler hitting the baby

[ElephantsWearBloomers]

DS is 22m and just keeps trying to hit the baby (6m). Sometimes he gets her, othertimes I manage to get her away or stop his hand in time. Its not just her, he keeps hitting me too and just seems angry with me and seems to enjoy making DD cry. We always firmly say "not hitting, hitting hurts", but he just carries on unless we move away from him. We have tried time out, but that didn't seem to make a difference. I just don't know what else to do. I feel like the worst mother in the world, every day is a battle and it takes all of my energy not to go crazy at him.

[goodjambadjar]

You're not a terrible mother, you're trying to stop him! The behaviour is likely linked to his age, sometimes the "terrible two's" show up a bit early. It might stem from frustration that he can't always verbalise what he wants or how he's feeling, which results in the hitting (my DD is nearly 2 so I'm also going through this!) They're realising and learning all the time, and they're learning who they are, and what their boundaries are. They won't like you for giving those boundaries, so will push your buttons! ( deep breaths!) Also, it's about this age that certain hormones are being kicked into action, so they know what they want but don't have the reasoning skills to understand why you're saying no. So if they want dinner now, they might have a melt down because they don't understand you have to cook it. They want it now, and that's the end of it!

I'm afraid I can't offer to much advice, only support. You just have to keep saying no, he'll get it eventually probably when the baby hits him with something and it hurts!

[wintersdawn]

I'm in the same position but with biting. it's driving me crazy. Don't want to stop dd 2.5 kissing ds 5months but for every lovely sloppy kiss there is a nasty bite. don't want to stop the kissing but thinking I might have to to prevent the biting.

[BlackMogul]

Winter... I would stop the kissing! Why is there any need for it? I never did understand why slobbery kisses from siblings are desirable. Will DD/DS still be doing it when they are 10? Caring for someone else is not just about kissing them. I always kept baby pretty separate from older sibling unless I supervised closely. They were not left to " play" together with me in a different room. I knew elder DD might try something and I had seen so many children pinch, bite, throw things and generally be obnoxious with a baby, I decided that DD1 would not be given too much opportunity to do anything. DD1s behaviour definitely deteriorated when DD 2 came along and was demanding in other ways. Could you not start older children at nursery so the babies get a break from them? Otherwise I think you have to be really firm for the sake of the baby. The elder child knows they will get attention from you by hurting the baby so you must try and lessen the opportunity. Does a 22 month old know what "hurt" is? I doubt it. Therefore, saying "no hitting, it hurts" almost certainly means nothing. You are not the worst mother in the world Ele and so many children do this. Maybe take a special toy away every time he makes the baby cry but give a reward if you get through a day without incident. Sometimes raising your voice, but keeping in control of your emotions, can make a child sit up and take notice. I think a child of his age may not care about a baby crying. I would worry if things do not improve, however, because other children will not put up with being hit or bitten, and neither will their parents. Good luck.