HELP ME PLEASE !!!!!!!!

[Denmark]

I need help from no nonsens mothers because I do honestly not know what to do?
My "problem" is my almost two and a half year old DD (I also have a 1 year old DS).
She has serious tantrum and I no all about terrible two etc. but this is to much. First she refuses to sleep, she goes to bed at 19H30 she is happy about this, I read ONE story (NO MORE) some times she will fall asleep before I finish, aso no problem. If not she will scream bloody murder until maybe 21H00. I will put her to bed (no saying a word) over and over and .......again until she finally gives up. Normally that should take maybe a week to get through to her but NOOOOOOOOOOO she keeps going. She er waking up at different hours during the maybe 24 or 3 or 5 all different and come to our bedroom , I put her in bed ...... then 5 -5H30 she is back and refuses to sleep. she scream angain wakes up her littlebrother who cannot fall asleep again (he is always very excited to see us) I do not give them breakfast before 06H30 -07H00 she will scream and cry before BF and after BF because she is tired.
During the days she has plenty of "if I cannot have MY way I scream, throw things etc attact. I Use time out 2 min in her room after 3 warning, she says SORRY MAMAN. I explain why I put her in her room and we move on. But 5-10 it start over again. She is not eating a lot of dif. things but do get plenty of milk, weetabix, and lot of fruits and a few vegs and chicken. But I need help now I am tired 2 and half year without a full nights sleep is getting to me. PLEASE I CAN USE ANY ADVISE

[comewhatmay]

Perhaps getting DP/DH involved in teh bedtime routine and removing yourself from it totally? It may throw her and your DH might be able to be firmer with her because he's not so tired?

[waterfalls]

Stairgate on her bedroom door so she cant come into your room, and control crying through the night.

When she has a tantrum during the day, forget time out for now, try just totally ignoring her, absolutely no eye contact, and walk away.

[waterfalls]

Asoon as the tantrum stops (may take a long time) carry on with her as normal as if it never happened.

[comewhatmay]

And go over the top with praise when she does something good or as she should.

[Denmark]

My DH is restaurant manager and leaves at 09H30 and home until past midnight tuesday to saturday. So it has always been me take care of bedtime routine.

[Denmark]

My DH is restaurant manager and leaves at 09H30 and home until past midnight tuesday to saturday. So it has always been me take care of bedtime routine.

[Denmark]

I will try the gate I have not thought of that. I allways "forget" her tantrums as soon as they are over and carry on as normal. I try ignoring her but she sometimes throw a few thing around which is a bit dangerous with my boy around and he also get scared and start to cry if she screams?cry for a longer period

[waterfalls]

She is testing her boundaries, she must learn now who is in control, try not to show any emotion, hard I know, but if she sees you stresses, angry or upset, she will be aware she is achieving something.

[waterfalls]

Ok, then I would ignore the tantrums until she starts throwing things, then without a word or eye contact pick her up and take her to her room and walk away, then let her out as soon as the tantrum stops.

[waterfalls]

You seem to be doing everything the right way, but I have learned that you need to experiment when something is'nt working, as the same things dont work for every child.

[Denmark]

Waterfall would you keep her in her room until tantrum stops or 2 minutes (I do that now) I have to hold the door because she is screaming, trying to open the door, kicking the door etc. I say it will take a long time before she gives up.

[waterfalls]

I would leave her until tantrum stops, because it is not considered as time out if you dont warn her first, She is still very young I would leave time out until she is a little older and understands, but obviously if she gets too distressed or the tantrum goes on too long, you will have to take her out.

You may find if the tantrum is lasting a long time, it might be that she is no longer tantruming over the thing she was put in her room for, but over the fact that she has been put in her room, as she may learn from that.

[waterfalls]

I hope that makes sense to you

[Denmark]

Thank Waterfall I will give it a go next time she has a tantrum, fingers crossed.

[waterfalls]

if you can get a stairgate, it wont matter that the door is open, and you wont have to hold the door shut.

[waterfalls]

Good luck, I have twin girls of the same age, and one of them is alot like your dd.

[Denmark]

Another ? Whar if fx she is doing something that she it not allowed to do, I say No etc and she keeps doing it (without having a tantrum) but just laughing like it is funny. What to do then, because I have alot of those situations.

[waterfalls]

If it is something you can take away, for eg, banging a toy on furniture, then remove it after the 3rd time.
If you cant remove it, remove her, say No in a stern voice, pick her up and move her away for as many times as it takes, and try to distract her with something else, for eg, my dts love looking through catalouges, or helping me clean, or dressing up etc etc.

[waterfalls]

Any improvement Denmark?