I think I am failing my Toddler

[Bond]

I am a SAHM and have always taken my Ds (21 months) to lots of activities to keep him occupied.
He has progressively become very aggressive since turning 1. He has now reached a point where I can hardly bare to take him places for fear of more embarrassing moments.
I use time-out's for 2 minutes in his old highchair at home and use his buggy for time-outs when out and about, but with little effect.
I am now realising that I don't think I pay enough attention to him at home (busy cleaning / preparing dinner etc) and end up in the viscious circle of only responding negatively when he does something he should'nt. And I think this is why he has gotten into the habit of hitting/pushing us and other kids.
I am now struggling to find ways to occupy him at home and try to reverse this bad habit. I think I need to keep him out of other social situations while I try to do this, but would appreciate any been-there-done-that stories or help with ways to entertain an under 2 with a short attention span!.
Many thanks for your help

[Mandymoo]

ime i would suggest KEEPING him in social situations. DD was very much like this and my first reaction was to stay at home and weather the storm but tbh i kept at it, going to groups, seeing friends etc and she gradually got better. Seeing other children will guide him and whilst it may not happen immediately, it WILL get better. At least when you're out and about he's being stimulated by whats around him which in turn gives you a break. HTH X

[JackieNo]

Agree - and try to catch him doing something good, and give him lots of praise for it (see also the positive parenting thread.

[Mandymoo]

The more he's in social situations, the more he will realise what is acceptable and yes, you may well be faced with some embarrasing situations (i dreaded going to some groups with dd whilst she was going through the "hitting phase" ) but these will pass and the more you get used to dealing with them the more confident you will become.

[sharklet]

Silly as it may sound why son't you try including him in some of your chores. DD helps me while I'm cleaning stuff she has a clean cloth and some water to wipe stuff down while I'm cleaning, she peels onions for me when I'm cooking, and washes salad (ok ineffectively but she's involved.) She Uses her pushchair as a hoover, when I'm hoovering, she collects the weeds I pull up in her wheelbarrow and takes them to tthe compost heap, them demands more. She helps water plants, allsorts.

I did the same as you for a while then realsised. Shes actually surprisingly able to get involed and she enjoys it too.

Also I try giving her craft activities to do in her high chair if I am doing something in the kitchen that reqiures her out of the way. She makes a fine splatter butterfly these days with little assistance.

She's only 2 but she does help quite a lot.

[shazronnie]

he is quite little for time out IMO; do you think he understands why you are doing it?

I would concentrate on the positive stuff, and carry on going to groups etc.

One final thought - are you going to too many groups? Only going to something twice a week might reduce the stress on you and him. He might need some quiet days at home, or just going for a little walk rather than be surrounded by lots of other kids and adults.

[Bond]

Many thanks ladies for your replies.

I do think I am going to cut down his out-of-home activities to situations I can control, maybe 1-2 per week.

I have ordered some toddler activities ideas books that hopefully will help me entertain him at home a bit better while I deal with his issues.

I never knew parenting was SO hard......

Thanks again

[Lact8]

I agree with everyone, particulary Sharklet and Mandymoo. I had a very similar problem with ds2, 2 at the time. In the morning of playgroup day, he'd help with household chores, with me really bigging him up with what a good boy he is and how nice he is to be with. Kept mentioning that its playgroup soon and he'd get chance to play and show everyone what a good boy he is.

On the way to playgroup I'd tell him that he must be a good boy or we'd have to come home.

Decide beforehand what is acceptable behaviour and what isn't. (With my ds2, it was hitting/pushing the others that was getting out of hand)

If he lost it on anyone I'd kneel down and tell him if he did it again we'd have to go home.

And when he did it was coats on and leave.

It may sound a bit harsh but it worked with my ds. He was upset when we left but i sat down with him after a couple of miutes and explained as simply as I could why he couldn't hit the other children.

Some of other mum's thought i was OTT but it helped me to feel as if I was having some control over the situation and it took 3 visits cut short to really get the message across to him but I can honestly say that we both enjoy playgroup now and the other children have stopped flinching whenever he goes near them!

[FrannyandZooey]

There is a wonderful book called The Social Toddler which goes into detail about how to turn around a situation like yours. I would really recommend it.

[CrocodileKate]

Involve him in the cleaning and cooking, he will love it.