How do you deal with tantrums?

[littleraysofsunshine]

I have a nearly 3yo & 15mo.

99%of the time good as gold but those tantrums where you try to talk calmly, and maybe try a time out Nd they lash out even more (3yo) what do you do?

I never hit. I try not to shout most of the time. I like to get her to talk and validate her emotions. But sometimes (tiredness) I find that she just will not calm down or listen.

[estya]

I'd like to say I try to treat her as I would like to be treated when I have a hissy fit over something petty.
I would like say I talk to her and validate her feelings (put her feelings into words to help her make sense of them).
In reality they happen when I'm not feeling like a nice mum, which is normally how we've ended up in a strop with each other.

[lollipoppi]

I ignore, I don't know if its the right or wrong thing to do but it works, I just say when your ready to calm down mummy will listen to you and give you a cuddle

[Lala29]

I also ignore and say calm down and then we'll cuddle and talk (although mine's only 2). I find ignoring helps me stay calmer and not get wound up/ start shouting and she eventually realises that throwing herself on the floor and screaming is not going to get her what she wants.

[littleraysofsunshine]

It's happening in the morning too, she'll wake up at no later than 5:50. And be ready for breakfast downstairs. When I say just have a relax for 30mins whilst baby sis sleeps, (and I catch up) she throws a strop and wakes the house up. Happened all week. I know toddlers are up early ready for the day, but it really effects the behaviour of the day, and also makes me ever so moody like today. I know I'm in the wrong for feeling like it but tiredness is evil

[CreatureRetorts]

What do you mean by asking her to relax?

If she's tired, it's a different ball game. Not a normal tantrum IMO. When my 3 year old strops from tiredness, I calmly tell him he's tired and depending on the situation will stick the tv on, get out of the house and pop him in the double pushchair so he can rest or sit him down. Imagine I'd you were weepy with exhaustion and your DH ignored you etc? So do cut her some slack.

Is her bedtime early enough? It's tricky as we've got a 20 month old too but when ds is very tired, we have lights out by half 6 and he's usually asleep in 10-20 mins. He'll wake up at his usual 6am but will be better rested.

Also is she potty trained? I think ds wakes early as he needs a wee. On occasion I've got him to do a wee (bringing the potty in his room so he's not too awake) when my youngest has a night waking and if it's after midnight he sleeps a little longer in the morning.

[Morgause]

I was that child many years ago. I still am. I cannot lie in bed and "relax" once I'm awake. DS1 was the same.

Until he was old enough to get up and get a drink and breakfast for himself I got up with him when he woke and he had an early breakfast and played with his toys quietly until the rest of the household was awake. I used the time to get some quiet chores out of the way.

I still wake up hours before DH and spend time fiddling on the PC until he gets up. If you're a lark then you're a lark.

[Tee2072]

I ignore them.

And I agree with Morgause. If she's awake she's awake. Get up with her.

[littleraysofsunshine]

Lark?

I find my mood can be irrational when over tired. So I think it was just one of those days.

I know she's a small child who doesn't understand why mummy is tired. It's just that tired state of mind for ten mins where I think argh! I need peace. And then I remember I their parent, it's my job. :) and I need to remember we are all human and that dd1 is only almost three

[Lala29]

We have a rule that there is no getting up before 7am. Again, DD is only 2 and still in a cot. But my SIL does it for her 3 year old. He can "read" or play quietly in his room, but until 7am, he has to be quiet. You might have to suffer shouting for a few mornings, but she'll soon get it.

[forevergreek]

If she wakes at 5.50am does she get breakfast? Even if you get up at that time I wouldn't give until 7.30am earliest to encourage her to stay in bed. Just allow her to do boring/ quiet things if early awakenings to avoid the while waking is fun as I get milk/ cereal/ tv

[CreatureRetorts]

No breakfast til half 7 in our house. Ds gets up at 6 sometimes before. Makes no difference. If she's being woken because of external factors eg bird song, cooler temp then what's the point in forcing it?

[littleraysofsunshine]

She doesn't get breakfast at that time, sometimes just before 7 if up early.

I've noticed she's not seemed right in herself too and came out in a few spots which dr thinks isn't anything but viral. But no doubt a factor for her disturbances.

She woke at 5:30 this morning with a bad tummy, had a poo & went back to sleep until 7:30.

[ababycalledbrian]

Totally understand the rule about breakfast, but is she hungry? I know as a child hunger was the number 1 thing that put me in a temper. Might it be worth just giving her a banana or something and seeing if that works?

[recall]

I tend to ignore them and try not to laugh now, but this is my 3rd, with my first I tried all sorts of tactics. Sometimes I warn her that I will take her out of the room if she doesn't stop, and then I will follow that through. I think the important thing is keep nice and calm, and have no expectations.