Hitting rock bottom.

(59 Posts)
HopeAndFaith86 Tue 20-Aug-13 14:39:26

Hi Mumsnet.

I am parent with of a 9 year old who has Paranoid Schizophrenia as well as Autism, I am going to keep things a short as possible, if there is anything else you’d like to know don’t hesitate to ask me but for now I will just give you some examples of his behaviour

His Schizophrenia (A few examples)

Pacing up and down with his hands behind is back mumbling to himself
Whispering to himself
Conversations with himself (but he is always fully alert, if I call him or speak to him he will answer immediately)
Bizarre thoughts and beliefs, the belief he has at the moment is that the devil is coming for him at night (sent from my fiancé, my daughters Dad who he believes works for the devil – due to this thought my fiancé is living somewhere else) my son is also not sleeping at night.
Voices telling him to harm himself and others, including me (which he is acted on in the past) he has also reported of them telling him that he is stupid and bad (whenever he hears these voices he hits himself in his head with the palm of his hands in order to try and get rid of them) whenever they tell him to harm his sister he will come and tell me straight away, he tells me that he does love her but is scared to go next to her because she has done nothing wrong and she is small.

In terms of medication

He has been on numerous anti-psychotic medications, which have never completely stopped what is going on in his head, he is currently on a medication caused (Quetiapine also known as Seroquel) I was sceptical of giving it to him at first after hearing his Psychiatrist tell me that he doesn’t usually prescribe it to children under the age of 13 whom are suffering from Schizophrenia but it is one of the most effective drugs he prescribed a dose of 25mg with instructions to give it twice a day, once in the morning and once before bed, his morning dose was putting him straight back to sleep and when he did wake he would be drowsy for the whole day, I called and notified the Psychiatrist about the effect it was having on him, and I was told to half the tablet in order to lower his dose to 12.5mg, which he just making him drowsy and dribble, I have to wait other 3 weeks to see the Psychiatrist. again.

CAMHS have offered a lot of support, but I feel as if they think the answer to his Mental Illness is to admit him into hospital, he has been in hospital 4 times this year and each time it has not helped him one bit, they have allocated him a care-coordinator and she is also very helpful.

His Autism (A few examples)

Showering and changing his clothes 4 times a day.
Bed covers have to be changed every day
He eats the same food every single day for breakfast lunch and dinner and none of the foods can be touching one another (Melon Slice for breakfast, two crab sticks sliced into four pieces and 2 and a half green runner beans, for dinner, none of these can be touching one another)
He will look around the house for things to clean.

I gave birth to him a 6 days after my 17th birthday, his father was my first ever partner we were together for 4 months before I got pregnant, a few days before I found out I was going to leave him but I didn’t have it inside me to tell him, I was weak and very scared of what is reaction would be, then I found out I was pregnant the thought of aborting my unborn child never crossed my mind I was going to face up to my responsibility, I told his father that I was carrying his baby, he was happy I had this dream that me and him would now be happy together, I broke up with him when my son was 3 months old, he said he wants to be in his life and he will always be there for him. To cut a long story short as soon he realised that my son was a little different from other children his age he stopped visiting as much, when he was diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia 3 years ago, him and his family cut of all contact with my son, his Fathers words were ‘when he is better call me’

My son has said to me ‘He doesn’t want to see me because I am like this’ he is a very intelligent boy with a high IQ, he is forever apologising to me, he will say things like ‘I am sorry I am like this’, ‘I am sorry that I am not like everyone else’, ‘I am sorry I can’t do the things that everyone else does’. It hurts me the most when he says things like ‘I want to die’, ‘I wish I was dead’, ‘can you ask them to kill me so you can be happy’
You can call me a horrible parent but I don’t take him out much due to the comments I hear from members of the public which mostly come from adults who I didn’t think could be so horrible ‘Is he talking to himself?’, ‘he should be in hospital’, ‘he is not well’. It is very unfair on my daughter that we don’t go out much and she does tend to ask questions about her brother and I just don’t know how to answer them.

There are days when things do get really hard for me, and I say to myself that I wish I aborted him but I quickly shake that thought out of my head, that thought should never ever come into my head. I love him he is very special and I do have faith that he will get better.

I am hitting rock bottom at the moment, but I am doing everything to stop myself.

My mum supports the both of us, my friends do support me over the phone, they never ever want to meet up, and one has even said to me ‘I don’t think you should bring him here, I’m scared and I don’t want him scaring the kids’

Is there anyone here that can give me some help and advice?

DfanjoUnchained Wed 21-Aug-13 13:37:56

Homestart can help you take them out, it's another pair of hands once a week for free, it will help. Let me know how you get on

DfanjoUnchained Wed 21-Aug-13 13:38:39

And you are definitely not a terrible mother, you are in a very tough situation and need support
X

gretagrape Wed 21-Aug-13 16:10:51

No advice at all but just wanted to say how in awe of you I am - I am 39 with a perfectly healthy 4 month old and am finding it the biggest struggle of my life, so please stay strong and pester for all the help you need.
x

HopeAndFaith86 Wed 21-Aug-13 16:54:36

Gretagrape

Thank you.

lilian3 Wed 21-Aug-13 20:17:01

I have several friends with autistic children and I know how very very very hard it is. My cousin had to have her son to go reside in a special school. But she is till very hands on, but the damage done to the other son is irreparable. Would you ever consider a home for him? he would get the care and attention 24hrs a day by specially trained people. I do feel very strongly that you are entitled to a life of your own especially with a new fiance. Iy is NOT abandoning him. Do please have a think for the long term of him and your immediate family. Good luck.

HopeAndFaith86 Wed 21-Aug-13 22:03:54

Hey Lilian

I would never consider a home for my son he is only 9 years old, I would be too worried to let him live somewhere else sad I consider my son as my life but you are completely right I am entitled to a life of my own with my fiancé and daughter who is missing out on a lot of things.

Hellonewworld Thu 22-Aug-13 00:34:15

I would definitely suggest trying to organise some respite care for him . You sound shattered and how much longer realistically can this carry on without seriously damaging you and your daughter? At your next appointment with the psychiatrist ask for therapy or to be referred to a specialist, do not take no for an answer as he sounds like he needs to see specialist people who can help him and stabilise his condition or at least ensure he is receiving the right and the best medication. You and your son deserve to feel safe and secure in your home and it sounds like he is unhappy too. Hugs to you. I hope you get things sorted x

FayeKorgasm Thu 22-Aug-13 01:18:07

Hope, you are doing a wonderful job and your son is a very lucky boy to have such a caring mum.

I am a governor of a special school and am continually amazed at how inspiring the parents and children are. I sincerely hope that you and your son can get the support you need moving forward.

DfanjoUnchained Thu 22-Aug-13 06:01:08

My cousin goes to overnight respite once a week, really helps his mum. There are such places, especially in London

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